Too Much

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TBear, Jul 16, 2009.

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  1. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I don't know how to start...

    I can't pay for the simple necessities at times - my ex left us and doesn't send a cent - he hasn't even contacted any of the children for almost two years....I can't pay for a pair of shoes for one child or I won't be able to pay rent...How am I going to afford a wedding for another?

    I'm working on the worst stuff in therapy that has got me with flashbacks and urges that would be destructive....but I am progressing...

    The school I work for is facing major economic challenges and I am the I see it first....

    Out of seven wonderful children - all need me so much for support and care....I have to be there for them

    I have no other family - all are dead or gone.....

    No one is "there" for me. I feel like giving up - so many horrible things have happened to me and I have, for the most part, shielded my kids...but I am having a real hard time hanging on.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are in therapy but i know it is very hard the flashbacks are horrible. I wish you could track down husband somehow by authorities and get himto pay child payments. My mom had to raise 8 kids on her own so i know about poverty and stress it brings. I don't know why things have to be so hard for some people and others get off scot free. Its not fair but i think you are very strong going throught with what your doing and raising your children they are lucky to have such a loving mother. Sometimes love is enough i would take that over money anyday.
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Thanks .....

  4. usualguy

    usualguy New Member

    I feel how you feel. I don't know how I can help but I think you are a very nice person. And you should go further as you are so needed for your family and other people. If you love them, this is the most important thing for them. :) Times will change for better.
  5. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    You helped by replying! Thank you - and welcome to SF

  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You're going through such a tough time and I really feel for you. :sad: You sound very alone.

    Can you talk to your therapist about what you're going through financially? Do you think he/she could offer practical advice, maybe , if it's possible to claim for benefits (I'm not sure if they are available where you live).

    You sound like a very loving mother, and I love reading your posts as you sound like such a caring thoughtful person. Maybe some of your children could help you at such a difficult time? Do you have any older children that you could share some of the stuff you're going through- or help with the younger children... maybe they could help in the house or in ways you could think of to ease the stress off yourself for a while? Because what you're going through in therapy sounds so difficult and more stress- can make your experiences all the more worse.

    I'll be thinking of you and I really hope things get easier for you soon. If you feel like talking about anything...just talk, you know, try and get as many people to support you-- do you have any friends that you trust and who could help?
  7. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    What you're going through is so hard! I really admire your spirit. I read your posts, and maybe I don't say anything much because they really hit me close to home. I wish I had your ability to face things, but I'm not there yet, but I can empathize with what you're going through. You're a very very strong woman. Much stronger than I am. Your children should be proud to have a mother like you. Economically things are so hard. Even being single I don't have the money to get by on, so I can imagine how it would be with so many children! I wish I had a cure for all of this, but I don't. I'm sorry. :unsure:
  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Thanks so much - your replies mean more than you realize!

    Yes, I am quite alone and cannot share the extent of the pain with anyone with the exception of my therapist - it would devastate my kids....

    So, actually I gain strength from the posts here and writing both here and in my journal.

    My "little" ones range in age from 5 through 21. The 21 year old is about to get married. Works part time and goes to college full time. She lives at home and I take care of some basics like food but she buys her clothes and pays for college. The only other one old enough to work outside just graduated high school and is having a tough time finding work - so he does odd jobs here and there trying to save up to go away to school next Fall at least for a year.

    The rest are younger and great - but typical know the "Do I really have to?" and wanting to sleep in and developing into wonderfully independent (read challenging) but loveable kids.

    I do get alot of help from the community and all - it is just sometimes, ok alot of times overwhelming. The economics are hard and I truly appreciate everyone's reminders here that money is not the biggest gift I can give the children - it is love. I knew it but can get quite discouraged.

    Sometimes I have to let the full impact be dealt with, and try to stay upbeat especially with the younger children. Like when two of them were having a fight and one locked the other out of the bathroom - the door ended up being broken. So, I told them how sorry I was that they chose to fight like that. We hung a towel up for a door until they could pay to replace it. Afterwards - they appreciate the privacy of having a bathroom door and understand that destructiveness has a cost. The other kids really did the punishing for me - nobody liked dealing with just a towel - but it did teach consideration of others privacy and sensitivity...

    Sorry for the long post just to say "Thanks"

    Your responses mean lots and lots! :hug:
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about the long post. I love reading your posts and how you dealt with the door sounded like a good learning lesson for them, and the way you handled that sounded amazing (my parents would have never done what you did there).

    I understand your worry for money for the wedding- sometimes, the simplest of things can be the most precious. Sometimes a lot of glamour (?) when it comes to throwing great celebrations distracts from whatever meaning the ceremony holds for two people getting married. Maybe your daughter would understand why you can't spend much on her wedding. It's completely understandable and out of your control.

    You have so much, even though I hear you are struggling so badly financially and I know that's so stressful. You have so many gifts in the children you have and treasure, and most of all you have yourself. You have no idea how much insight comes across in your posts to others here, and the love you show for your children even though you go through such horrible experiences.

    Do look after yourself and be gentle to yourself. You're working so hard as it is already, on your own, and it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed :hug:. I will be thinking of you.
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