Im bipolar, had it since I can remember but it took doctors till I was 30 (6 years ago) to diagnose me. Just had enough of the daily, weekly and monthly ups n downs. The mania is great at the time but when I go down I go way down as in Im stuck in my bed unable to function at all. Every time I come up I think this is it Im cured then life gives me the malkie and ive sunk low AGAIN.....again and again all my life Ive went through this and cant keep taking it again and again. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. every day for the last week Ive tried to think of reasons not to go hide somewhere and take them all, do you know what reasons Ive got so far.....none! 36 years old and Ive got nothing worth living for in fact everyone would be better off with me gone. Tried for a few years to fight through it and nothings better, nothings changed. Im on 3 mood stabilizers 1 for the mania which works too well, 1 for the depression that does nothing and my anti-psychotic that works for both mania and depression but mainly helps me sleep and stops the delusions. Sorry for going on and on more than likely boring you to tears, just thought I'd write it down see if anything clicked inside this waste of space I have the misfortune to call my brain. As always.....nothing!