where do i start? i've been feeling like this for about 5 years now. its not one problem that can be solved. everytime a new problem arises, a second soon follows. when i had my first boyfriend, although we were at secondary school, we were both smitton and together for 3 years. he cheated on me and hurt me alot, which made me get these feelings. we split and i found someone new. but not as day goes by when i dont think of him. my new boyfriend is nice, weve been together 17 months, but he lives 70 miles away, plays football everyday of the week, so i hardly ever see him or talk to him. hes changed. i used to get flowers, text messages, now i dont get a phonecall for days on end hes my best friend, but i cant talk to him about suicide- hes uncle killed himself 3 years ago and he cant handle that sort of thing, so if i tell him i feel depressed he ignores me and calls me stupid. my mum is worse. telling me im thick, in capable, a stupid cow, normally because i forget to turn the dishwasher on or put something in the bin. she looses her temper quickly. one christmas, she kicked my stomach in and dragged me round the room by my hair. her partner was EVEN worse. he played mind games with me all the time as a child, threatened me with his belt, hit me, spat on me, called me thick. this went on for 10 years. my own dad was a saint, somewhere i could escape at the weekends. he soon remarried, and she didnt like the fact i was around, so i dont see or here from my real dad anymore either. i keep going from job to job, due to the recession. my job is awful at the moment, the staff are rude and bitchy, the pay is awful. i can barely afford my car on this money. i dont even no if anyone will read this. i just needed a place to let it out. i'd be greatful if someone could offer help tho.