too much.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brokenwings-, Feb 27, 2011.

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  1. brokenwings-

    brokenwings- New Member

    where do i start? i've been feeling like this for about 5 years now. its not one problem that can be solved. everytime a new problem arises, a second soon follows. when i had my first boyfriend, although we were at secondary school, we were both smitton and together for 3 years. he cheated on me and hurt me alot, which made me get these feelings. we split and i found someone new. but not as day goes by when i dont think of him. my new boyfriend is nice, weve been together 17 months, but he lives 70 miles away, plays football everyday of the week, so i hardly ever see him or talk to him. hes changed. i used to get flowers, text messages, now i dont get a phonecall for days on end

    hes my best friend, but i cant talk to him about suicide- hes uncle killed himself 3 years ago and he cant handle that sort of thing, so if i tell him i feel depressed he ignores me and calls me stupid.

    my mum is worse. telling me im thick, in capable, a stupid cow, normally because i forget to turn the dishwasher on or put something in the bin. she looses her temper quickly. one christmas, she kicked my stomach in and dragged me round the room by my hair.

    her partner was EVEN worse. he played mind games with me all the time as a child, threatened me with his belt, hit me, spat on me, called me thick. this went on for 10 years.

    my own dad was a saint, somewhere i could escape at the weekends. he soon remarried, and she didnt like the fact i was around, so i dont see or here from my real dad anymore either.

    i keep going from job to job, due to the recession. my job is awful at the moment, the staff are rude and bitchy, the pay is awful. i can barely afford my car on this money.

    i dont even no if anyone will read this. i just needed a place to let it out. i'd be greatful if someone could offer help tho. :)
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so glad you found us...please keep telling us what is going on for you so that we can be here to support you...welcome again, J

    PS...can you please change the font color and background as this was difficult to read? Thanks, J
     
  3. contemplative

    contemplative Member

    Hey! Of course people are gonna read this, and of ourse we care! I hope you continue to post. You have clearly had a very toug life, but a lot of the people on here have too, so we understand what you're feeling/going through.
    I hope you also continue living, and don't do anything to change that. I care about you. I'm glad you came to SF!
    As for help, maybe see a doctor? I just got the courage to make an appointment with a counselor myself last week. Do you have any people you an talk to like friends? And you an always come here and talk. Were a strong community.
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome!

    I'm sorry that you haven't been getting support and that you've had abuse from your mom and your step dad.

    you can visit www.childhelp.org or call 1-800-4.A.CHILD

    also

    www.thehotline.org domestic violence hotline
     
  5. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    I don't know how much you love this guy (or if you do), but please get someone who understands you and your problems, and who is willing to talk to you when you need to talk. I've had unsupportive boyfriends before, and it was a waste of my time. Do you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't understand you, and on top of that lives far away? I'm sure there are better options relationship-wise for you than that.
     
  6. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    I know what its like to be spat on. You should just ignore those assholes and make success for yourself. It can be tough and wihout support for sure though..
     
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