too much

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by bluewail, Sep 5, 2011.

  1. bluewail

    bluewail Well-Known Member

    i don't want to scream at the world exactly, i don't have the energy. i just can't really cope with anything at the moment, but there seem to be lots of things i need to cope with. i need to get a job, i have no money at all. the benefits i was on have been fucked up, so i'm even poorer than usual. my boyfriend owes me money, but even though he's working, he's seriously shite with cash and gets depressed just thinking about it, so asking him for repayments is harsh. i feel at a loose end, nothing holds my attention, i feel bored and on the edge of something. i feel reckless, but i don't have any energy to act on it. last week i did something to try to ease my boredom. i slept with three different guys just because i realised i could. and though i felt better whilst i was actually doing it, i realise now that it changed nothing at all. i still feel bored and dead and grey. i would like to die, i would like to just lie down and stop. i can't cope with the smallest thing. i feel like there's bubble inside me and i have to do everything so very slowly to stop it from bursting. sometimes i cry a lot, but i'm not even doing that now. i'm just sort of floating i suppose. i don't know anything. what am i supposed to do.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sounds like you are very deep in depression hun Phone your doctor okay get assessed and get on some medication to help relieve the sadness some. Ask for some therapy as well okay Your bf owes you money time for him to pay back hun he has a job you don't hugs to you
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    you should try seeking balance. ...i actually don't know what that means but it sounds like a good idea and i bet in practice (if said practice could be undertaken), it would be a good idea.

    you're still excellent despite.

    hope the darkness lifts :ghost:

    (mostly i just hear you. i hear you. you're not unheard.)
  4. bluewail

    bluewail Well-Known Member

    saw my doctor yesterday. told him everything. he was very nice, but fairly useless. upped my citalopram, gave me a crisis phone number, made me cry, told me to come back next week. it's just he also mentioned bi-polar, which i'm sure is wrong, but scared the crap outta me.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope the medication adjustment help you hun and i am glad you are going back in a weeks time Don't be afraid of a label hun You are who you are okay nothing will change that I hope you continue to reach out here too hun hugs