Too pathetic to think of a title.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I can't believe i'm sitting here crying. Although i'm trying to be quiet cos i'm back on skype. I got a few hours sleep on my own and i start dreaming. If the reality wasn't hard enough while i was awake, i've gotta have it shoved down my throat when i'm asleep. If im awake im fucked. If im asleep im fucked. Either way i fucking loose.

    So yeah, like i said im on skype. Their connections a bitch in the morning and the call keeps cutting out and i feel so fucking bad for calling back cos it's bound to drop again and i don't want it to wake her up but i know if i do stop ringing back im likely to do something stupid. It's not like this room is safe. With the little hobbie i do .... theres a lot of dangerous stuff in my room. Stuff i could really hurt myself with and im using all my strength right now to not do anything stupid.

    How pathetic am i? Im sitting on skype fucking crying in a call to someone i've never met and their asleep. I'd hang up if they wasn't asleep cos i don't wanna fucking cry on skype where people can hear me, i've only ever done that with E & S and i don't wanna ever do it again. I don't want to feel weak but thats what i am. Fucking weak.

    I'm fed up of crying alone. I'm fed up of being alone. I want someone. I want someone to hold me. I want someone to actually give a damn. I want someone to fucking tell me its okay. I want someone to give me a hug. I fucking need a hug so fucking badly right now.

    :cry:
     
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Vikki

    I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to help from here but just wanted to let u know that I'm here, that things can change, things can get better and that you're certainly not alone. Maybe physically but never emotionally.

    Hang in there - you deserve better than what you're going through mate!

    Take care lovely xoxoxox
     
  3. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    ink
    Hey Vikki, I know nothing about you really but, felt I had to say something here. From what I do know of you, I don,t think the words 'pathetic' or 'weak' Have ever come to mind :no:

    Its hard to be alone sometimes and we all need a hug. Obviously I can't physically hug you so the best I can do is this....................... :hug: :cheekkiss: :hug2:
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you're getting a dose of what I had a couple of weeks back where sleep took me somewhere I really didn't need to go.
    Woke up every day feeling worse and worse because dreams were torturing me with what ifs etc..
    Happily it passed, hopefully sleep will return to being a haven and not a torment for you very soon. :hug:
     
  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    Hi Vikki

    I'm sorry :( I went through many years of re-living parts of my life in dreams and it isn't pleasant. It will pass though although that don't help right now. perhaps try to alter your routine before you sleep? Things like TV and and radio etc before bed make your mind more alert and active - perhaps just read for a bit or something? I'm not sure if that's a proven method - but it worked for me :)

    Take care of yourself and I'm here for virtual hugs!

    Ellie
     
  6. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Viks :hug: you're not pathetic or weak or anything like that. It's ok to be having a really tough time, no one's gonna think anything bad about you because of that (and if they do they're a nobhead). Here for you any time mate.