too scared to go.

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There's so much here but it all means nothing.
maybe its how im looking at the world. I can have a drive for life when i want to but just lately it seems my drive is really just to run away from the truth of it all.
so ive searched for the meaning of life.
Ive looked hard in everything i can.
i got the most sense and felt that the truth was there in the teachings of buddism as it follows the science of the world around you and there are no depictions of some great all powerful being. Just a gentle reminder to be yourself and strive for the truth.
so i did.
the end result being that it is simply an infinity, its a collection of a collection or a collection,,,,,and so on.
we are but the smallest possible insignificant piece of the puzzle.
if we all come together in the end and move on to become something bigger and that is a never ending circle then what is the point of it all?
its empty.
it feels meaningless
perhaps i havent looked far enough but how can one see beyond infinity?
Am i alone in this?
other people have God. they do not see from my perspective that even if there was a God he would too be a part of something bigger. It doesnt jsut end with some Omnipotent being that has been there since the dawn of time. how did he get there? there must have been something beyond that,,,,, which we are a part of,,,, the energy of everything... which by the way i have concluded is gravity.
the force that makes us cling, protons neutrons electrons exc,, spin due to centrifugal gravity,,, it just made sense to me.
i cant seem to find a reason to bother anymore. whats the point.


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Hi Amy,

Thanks for sharing your searching experience here…

Many spiritual teachings suggest that we do inquiry like “Who or What am I”. Have you done anything like that in your search?

You mentioned that you “felt that the truth was there in the teachings of buddism”. What does it say about reincarnation in your search if I may ask?

Our conditioned mind seems to think that it can know everything while it is likely that the truth of life may be beyond the mind but can still be known to us somehow? Maybe the answers cannot be grasped by the mind so there cannot be really some direct answers by words although many spiritual teachings may help point to the truth like the Zen saying “finger pointing to the moon“. In addition, the answers can be actually shocking (to the mind) when really known (through direct experiences)…

They are open questions so we do not just make them into belief(s). It’s up to each of us for the answers to be revealed. Truly knowing the truth of life can truly set us free…which may be the point of our experiencing life here on earth?

Here is a free online forum if you are interested in asking or discussing your search. There are many people who can be very helpful:

There is a thread in their General Discussion entitled “What Am I - What Are You” if you are interested:

There is also a discussion re "Can the teachings of Tolle help to wean off anti-deppressants"

You don’t even need to register if you would like to just view their discussions.

Wish you well…
thankyou Lovebeing, i have checked out the site and actually talked to one or two people on there.
i knew my search wasnt over but it just feels empty at the moment, maybe i cannot truley comprehend the truth.

to answer about reincarnation, its classed as a system,, the aim is to move beyond this world into the next,, its there where i get lost as if thats the aim then whats beyond that and beyond that and so on.

stephen hawkings has it right, he looks for the answers in what he can see or calculate, i want to know beyond that. just want to feel like there is a point to it all.
if its how i see it, then whats the point in loving? whats the difference between your spouse and a stranger on the street other than the memories you share which could have so easily have been shared with someone else.
It all just feels like a black hole inside of me at the moment, where once there was light now not even light can escape its event horizon, and its getting bigger the deeper i go.

ive heard people use drugs to stimulate this, to get answers to go further........


Well-Known Member
Hi Amy,

Thanks for checking out the site. You may find it helpful along the way. How you see or feel now is not unusual, but I wouldn’t use drugs to stimulate it…

Maybe the mind cannot comprehend the truth, but the knowing of the truth is in each of us. When the truth is recognized again, some teachings even use the word “remembering”. So in a way it’s just that the truth has been forgotten, or covered up by so many layers of conditioning or thoughts in the mind…

So when the mind is really quiet and you are completely present, the “remembering” may happen… Sometimes retreats hosted by spiritual teachers can be helpful, too. Have you been to a retreat like that?

I’m not familiar with stephen hawkings’ work, but like any teachings, no human concepts can “contain” the truth. The most any teaching can do is to “point” to the truth…

I encourage you to continue your search. I know you can feel the deep inner peace beyond understanding and real freedom when you truly see/know the truth…

Please allow me to introduce you to Adyashanti’s teaching. He does live radio talk through the internet where people around the world can call in and ask questions. He is going to visit London in August where you may get a chance to ask him questions in person if you attend to. Here are some links to some free stuff on his website and youtube:

Adyashanti - Different Qualities of Awakening

His teaching is in a way quite direct to the point. I feel you may find his teaching resonate with you, but only you would know of course...

All the best to you! :)


Well-Known Member
In one of his books, “The End of Your World”, Adyashanti talked about “The Trap of Meaningless”:

There are some common traps that come with awakening…

One of the most common of these traps is a sense of meaninglessness. From our new view of reality, we are free from the egoic desire to find meaning. We see that the ego’s desire to find meaning in life is actually substitute for the perception of being life itself. The search for meaning in life is a surrogate for the knowledge that we are life. Only someone who is disconnected from life itself will seek meaning. Only someone disconnected from life will look for purpose.

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t look for meaning or purpose; these are relatively wise strategies that help people cope with life. But remember that the yearning to find the meaning of life, to find the purpose of existence, is ultimately derived from the dream state - a state in which we have no real knowledge of what we are and are unconscious of our true nature.

When there is a true realization, when we wake up from the dream state, we realize that to search for meaning is no longer appropriate. When we have a direct connection with life, all of a sudden the quest for meaning and purpose seems rather paltry and insignificant. It is no longer a motivator in our life. The drive for meaning and purpose dissolves because we are coming from a different perspective - a perspective where such things don’t really exist, certainly not in the old way. They no longer exist from an egoic standpoint.

When we wake up, we see the dream state for what it is. How could a dream state have meaning? How could a dream state have purpose? It’s just a dream, right? That is true. But as I have said over and over, after awakening there is still a human being with a human mind that is trying to make sense of things. The mind is even trying to make sense of awakening itself. Since for most people there’s not a total disappearance of the ego, the mind continues to try to make sense of the insights of awakening. The mind will start to say, “Oh God, I no longer have any purpose or meaning.” You have seen too much of reality to believe in egoic purpose or meaning any longer. Yet there is still enough ego structure left to be invested in meaning and purpose. The illusion of ego is noticing that there is no meaning; it is peering into the truth, as it were, which can be very disorienting.

It is at this point that some people get trapped in this thing called meaninglessness. Life seems to have no meaning. In the most negative sense, life has no purpose. It’s as if the ego was a big balloon, and now all its air has been let out. Through your perception of reality, the balloon has been deflated, and all that’s left is this limp piece of rubber. But the balloon is still there, and it’s asking, “What happened? What happened in the air? What happened to the meaning in my life? What happened to my purpose?

With the remnants of the egoic structure still in place, it’s sometimes easy to get caught in a negative sense of meaninglessness and purposelessness. From an awakened point of view, to say there’s no meaning and no purpose is tremendously positive. And it is positive because one has found something better than meaning or purpose. One has actually awakened as the very essence of existence itself. What could have more meaning than that? What could have more purpose than that?

But from the point of view of the ego, this can be devastating. If you are not careful, you can get caught in a whirlwind or tide pool of ego that can whirl you into a depressive state. I’ve met people over the years who have had a very real seeing, but their ego has reacted to what they saw. Ego literally reacts to the reality that was perceived, and the reaction can be very negative. The ego may get depressed; meaning and purpose have dissolved out of its structure, and there’s still enough ego there to sit around and feel bad about it.

Some people can spend quite a period of time stuck in this depressive place. One of the antidotes to being stuck in meaninglessness is to see that we are only looking at truth from the ego’s point of view. There is nothing in awakening for the ego. Awakening wakes up from the ego, so from the ego’s point of view, awakening has no benefit. Awakening benefits being; it benefits what you really are. But it does not bring benefit to the ego. Actually, there’s nothing more devastating than looking at truth from the standpoint of ego. One may think it would be wonderful if the ego could see the truth, that the ego would be overwhelmed with joy and happiness. But that is usually not the case.
He also wrote about “Being Stuck in Emptiness”…

Anyway, I hope this can be helpful…
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