too scared to go.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by poisonedresistance, Jun 30, 2011.

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  1. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    There's so much here but it all means nothing.
    maybe its how im looking at the world. I can have a drive for life when i want to but just lately it seems my drive is really just to run away from the truth of it all.
    so ive searched for the meaning of life.
    Ive looked hard in everything i can.
    i got the most sense and felt that the truth was there in the teachings of buddism as it follows the science of the world around you and there are no depictions of some great all powerful being. Just a gentle reminder to be yourself and strive for the truth.
    so i did.
    the end result being that it is simply an infinity, its a collection of a collection or a collection,,,,,and so on.
    we are but the smallest possible insignificant piece of the puzzle.
    if we all come together in the end and move on to become something bigger and that is a never ending circle then what is the point of it all?
    its empty.
    it feels meaningless
    perhaps i havent looked far enough but how can one see beyond infinity?
    Am i alone in this?
    other people have God. they do not see from my perspective that even if there was a God he would too be a part of something bigger. It doesnt jsut end with some Omnipotent being that has been there since the dawn of time. how did he get there? there must have been something beyond that,,,,, which we are a part of,,,, the energy of everything... which by the way i have concluded is gravity.
    the force that makes us cling, protons neutrons electrons exc,, spin due to centrifugal gravity,,, it just made sense to me.
    i cant seem to find a reason to bother anymore. whats the point.
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Amy,

    Thanks for sharing your searching experience here…

    Many spiritual teachings suggest that we do inquiry like “Who or What am I”. Have you done anything like that in your search?

    You mentioned that you “felt that the truth was there in the teachings of buddism”. What does it say about reincarnation in your search if I may ask?

    Our conditioned mind seems to think that it can know everything while it is likely that the truth of life may be beyond the mind but can still be known to us somehow? Maybe the answers cannot be grasped by the mind so there cannot be really some direct answers by words although many spiritual teachings may help point to the truth like the Zen saying “finger pointing to the moon“. In addition, the answers can be actually shocking (to the mind) when really known (through direct experiences)…

    They are open questions so we do not just make them into belief(s). It’s up to each of us for the answers to be revealed. Truly knowing the truth of life can truly set us free…which may be the point of our experiencing life here on earth?

    Here is a free online forum if you are interested in asking or discussing your search. There are many people who can be very helpful:

    There is a thread in their General Discussion entitled “What Am I - What Are You” if you are interested:

    There is also a discussion re "Can the teachings of Tolle help to wean off anti-deppressants"

    You don’t even need to register if you would like to just view their discussions.

    Wish you well…
  3. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    thankyou Lovebeing, i have checked out the site and actually talked to one or two people on there.
    i knew my search wasnt over but it just feels empty at the moment, maybe i cannot truley comprehend the truth.

    to answer about reincarnation, its classed as a system,, the aim is to move beyond this world into the next,, its there where i get lost as if thats the aim then whats beyond that and beyond that and so on.

    stephen hawkings has it right, he looks for the answers in what he can see or calculate, i want to know beyond that. just want to feel like there is a point to it all.
    if its how i see it, then whats the point in loving? whats the difference between your spouse and a stranger on the street other than the memories you share which could have so easily have been shared with someone else.
    It all just feels like a black hole inside of me at the moment, where once there was light now not even light can escape its event horizon, and its getting bigger the deeper i go.

    ive heard people use drugs to stimulate this, to get answers to go further........
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Amy,

    Thanks for checking out the site. You may find it helpful along the way. How you see or feel now is not unusual, but I wouldn’t use drugs to stimulate it…

    Maybe the mind cannot comprehend the truth, but the knowing of the truth is in each of us. When the truth is recognized again, some teachings even use the word “remembering”. So in a way it’s just that the truth has been forgotten, or covered up by so many layers of conditioning or thoughts in the mind…

    So when the mind is really quiet and you are completely present, the “remembering” may happen… Sometimes retreats hosted by spiritual teachers can be helpful, too. Have you been to a retreat like that?

    I’m not familiar with stephen hawkings’ work, but like any teachings, no human concepts can “contain” the truth. The most any teaching can do is to “point” to the truth…

    I encourage you to continue your search. I know you can feel the deep inner peace beyond understanding and real freedom when you truly see/know the truth…

    Please allow me to introduce you to Adyashanti’s teaching. He does live radio talk through the internet where people around the world can call in and ask questions. He is going to visit London in August where you may get a chance to ask him questions in person if you attend to. Here are some links to some free stuff on his website and youtube:

    Adyashanti - Different Qualities of Awakening

    His teaching is in a way quite direct to the point. I feel you may find his teaching resonate with you, but only you would know of course...

    All the best to you! :)
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    In one of his books, “The End of Your World”, Adyashanti talked about “The Trap of Meaningless”:

    He also wrote about “Being Stuck in Emptiness”…

    Anyway, I hope this can be helpful…
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