Hi everyone, I wanted to express some things that have been on my mind lately concerning working or getting anywhere in life. I have a lot of fear surrounding it, such as being on social welfare for so long that I end up without money forever. Wait too long, get nowhere in life, etc. I wouldn't mind trying to work, before I tried data entry and fell ill on the first day, and it was the most boring job on earth - it was hardly even a test, I hated the job itself and just wanted to be gone. I have qualifications as a 3D artist but even if the work came available I can't do 80 hrs or more a week. I'm very good at it, but I've now realized it was a HUGE mistake to study it due to having psychosis which has incapacitated me from working. I got a student loan, I even owe $2000 (student overdraft) by December or I'll be paying so much interest that I wont be able to eat and already run out of money half way through the week so can't pay any of it off without working. Time is ticking-- on the overdraft, towards succeeding in life, towards retirement, and here I am sitting at my computer with nothing better to do because I have no energy, no motivation (although it kinda just slapped me in the face today, hence this thread), and lack of interest in most things. Then my Dad called me. He's in Australia working as a surveyor on a very large salary in the mines. I told him I've been thinking that 3D art was a mistake to study, that I should of studied psychology instead or something along those lines, but that's three years, and I don't have it in me to study for that long, students suffer in NZ ($200/wk student allowance, can't even pay rent in most places here), there are so many reasons NOT to want to study for me. The financial stress topped with the pressure of the study and my illness is too hard - particularly for three years. I am very scared of working - it means losing my benefit and it is extremely difficult / near impossible to get back on it unless I'm dying due to a HORRIBLE prime minister who wants to make poor people stay poor / poorer, and rich stay rich / get richer. And for some reason people keep voting for him!! >.< Part-time work wont revoke my benefit but I can't find any, as far as any other industry is concerned I don't have a qualification worth a damn. So I told my Dad I was thinking about working in the mines, because you don't need qualifications and they train you, and they pay you a lot. He didn't seem too keen on that idea, because it's quite physically taxing and he knows *something* about my condition (might think it's depression) and the working conditions can be quite extreme. And a lot of it involves driving trucks - I can't even drive a car. So he suggested getting a welding certificate and doing that in the mines or factories, he said it might only be a few weeks study and if the course is low enough level the government will even pay for it due to being on invalids benefit. The thing I'm terrified with is that when I last studied things were different politically, now with John Key in government they have the mindset "If they can study, why can't they work?". If I even suggest it to them they might tell me to do work training instead and get a job but I can't do it. I will need my therapist there for sure. But I also can't let December hit without earning $2000 extra, and I can't go my whole life on welfare just because I'm ill. I NEED to get over this... But I'm scared.