Too smart for my own good

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by einstein, Oct 11, 2013.

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  1. einstein

    einstein New Member

    I am at a point in my life where I don't know what to do. And as the title states I'm too smart for my own good. I have had thoughts of ending my life and unfortunately I am a chemistry student and it is far to easy for me. With less then 10 minutes of research on google I found all I need to know. I know what I can take and how much of it to take to end my life easily and painlessly. I also did all the physics calculations in the event of a jump instead. My life has revolved around a girl since I was in high school and out of the blue 6 months before I graduate college she decides she doesn't love me anymore and can't see a future with me. I transferred schools and threw away my college athletic career for her and thought I was happy, and I was, but realized all the decisions to make my life what it is included her. The life I set myself up to have would have been a great one but it is the life I wanted us to have. Not the life I would want to live alone. I know I have a lot going for me in a lot of different ways, I am smart, most people say I am good looking, I have even asked to consider fitness modeling. I have no drug or alcohol problems at all. But I am just empty now. My friends and family just say to move on because I have so much going for me. But I don't want to. I have no desire to move on. I don't know how to be single. I don't want to go party and meet women. I had a beautiful pure relationship with my girlfriend. We were both of our firsts and I will never get my virginity back and can never share that special bond with someone else. I am now forced to face a life I prepared for someone else and she isn't there anymore. I have never had problems with depression until now. I am currently medicated and seeing a therapist. I hate myself and my life right now. And it just feels easier to end it. Please some tell me how to go about this.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are smart, reasonable looking, and educated. And made 1 mistake in judgement. If that is the worst mistake you ever make in life, choosing somebody that changes their mind - you have a long blessed life to look forward to. Simply because you do not feel like replacing her yet (and rushing into another mistake when not yet ready) by trying to find a new woman has not effect on the other things you can do. With her or without her, everything changes in life at certain points - graduating from college and becoming a genuine adult is one of those times. As an intelligent person, I am certain you were told by more than one person or read more than one time about the percentages of high school sweethearts that work out in the long run and likely were advised against making major life decisions based on that. Like most of us, you assumed you would be different and the exception and you were not. 1 mistake is not a bad track record. Do not concern yourself about how to be single, that is already done. Busy yourself on becoming an independent adult with either job/career or further education as appropriate and when you are ready the interest will be there to consider looking for companionship.
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    From experience the hard thing about losing a relationship like the one you had is finding yourself again. Your life was built with the other person in mind. You have a hard time seeing life without that person. It takes time but you sound rational and intelligent. From what I read here you do have a lot going for you. Try and focus on yourself again and life will follow.
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Without a setback in experience - how would we know what we would need to improve upon?

    For someone who sounds intelligent through other facets (studies wise, looks wise etc), one hiccup on the relationship front does not mean the world has ended. It may feel that way for a time, and it does take time to heal and become stronger for it from learning what didn't work for you, but even the best laid plans can go awry. Perhaps consider re-discovering yourself, what you want to do with your life, and not plan with/for others until they are sure they want to work with you.

    Not knowing how to be single is a hard one for me to understand, as I have spent a fair bit of time being single myself (Longest I properly went was almost 3.5 years between two relationships since I had my first). But I learned the hard way, that I have to improve me in order to make future ones work. And I also know that I've never made the same mistake that's cost a relationship twice. So it does show that mistakes can be learned from. Last year I even went 8 months between two relationships, but now I know I'm in one that both myself and my partner are prepared to work equally on and talk a fair bit about. Rather than growing apart, we are growing closer because we have found a spark that works for us.

    It takes time. It takes effort. Don't sell yourself short with one thing not going according to plan. Life is there to be lived, and even one of my friends (who ironically is an ex - the only one I truly still speak to), had her issues, but is now a mom of 2 and getting married on New Years Eve. (I first knew of her 7 years ago when she was just 15.) So life isn't always a bed of roses. And it does throw up so many potential challenging obstacles. But those who get the most out of life, are those who don't dwell forever on past mistakes. (I really should take my own advice on board most of the time - it could do me no harm to follow it either).
  5. einstein

    einstein New Member

    We were together for 5 years. We did everything together and were so happy, or atleast I thought she was happy. She has been very immature about the break up and wont even talk to me to give me the closer I need. All of my friends say I was too good to her and she will one day realize the mistake she made. But right now I am so lost. Like I said I transferred schools and gave up my own dreams to be apart of hers. My life isn't a bad one. But it isn't the life I was prepared to face a lone. I feel I will be damaged for a long time and very untrusting of women. Like I said. I did everything for her. People have told me for years that I am too good to her and with that in mind I feel like I just am not able to make someone happy. I feel used and manipulated. The worst part is continuing my life from here. I was ready to apply to grad school for organic chemistry and once she left me I realized I was doing that for her. I dont want that for myself. My dreams prior to her was to be an Olympian. I feel now after sacrificing my college experience for her I will not have the abilities to peruse that dream. My life is not be bad from an outside perspective but it isn't a happy one for me anymore. Everything I have done the past 3 years, since transferring schools, has been to prepare a life for her. I did everything to make her happy and was blinded by the fact that I would be lost if she left me. That nightmare is now a reality and I am so lost.
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