I have a lot going for me, as I just started a small online business, which is making quite good part time salary every month. But that's not it.. it doesn't really matter what I'm doing and how much I'm making, I could be having a $10,000 a month business for all I care, but will still be suicidal, because I'm in trauma everyday.. the pain is there, the problems are real, and there isn't any solutions. Fk, I don't want to hurt my family.. but if there weren't here I would have gone already. I'm planning on taking a one way ticket to another city, where nobody knows me, then find a high spot.. but I'm afraid of the aftermath.. I just wish my family could cope with it. Right now I'm breaking.. heart, mind, soul is breaking.. fking knowing that this is my life, it's horrifying. I'm sorry.. im sorry .. im sorry.. im sorry...im sorry...im sorry.. sorry isn't enough for what I did.. I caused anguise and pain.. for something irresponsible.. I've caused many people to be in real pain from what a selfish thing I did.. if I proceed with the suicide. I will not justify suicide.. I agree that it's quite selfish, selfish meaning it has to be my way or the highway.. I'm just.. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I don't see what is the point of being in this.. I'm also afraid there are higher problems later on in life, and I cannot take it anymore. scared, scared, afraid, afraid..problems..problems..sorry..sorry..goodbye..goodbye.. and people will be hurt and will cry days..weeks..months..years.. IM SOOO SORRY, if only people know suicidal feeling is a mental illness by itself, then they wouldn't be in so much guilt or in so much anguise when I leave.. There's no justification for what I did/will do.