Too tired for suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dantesin, May 5, 2011.

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  1. dantesin

    dantesin Member

    yes , the thought has crossed my mind today...

    I don't really want to be alive anymore but I have my beautiful cat who hasn't left my side all day, I cant let him down

    but I feel broken and empty, used and wasted, I have no food in the house (except for my cat)but I can't face the walk as I dont want people to look at me

    everyday Im withdrawing more and more into myself because I cant deal with the shit of my life anymore

    I always thought I was strong, and brushed everything under the carpet, but all at once its all come out and slapped me

    I can't tell anyone, everyone thinks Im some strong talented person but in reality Im a loser and wish I hadnt been born

    would have been better that way as I dont deserve life and I am discusting fat and ugly

    I want to be dead
     
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    your not in a good place i hear that ....if you want to talk pm me ...we all go through similar things i wish i could make you feel better but i cant all i can do is lend you my ears
     
  3. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hi dantesin im the same with my cat shes kept me going in dark times too because no one can care for a cat like its owner or soulmate!!
    strange how cats can read our minds and thats why they stay close to us

    brushing things under the carpet is what we do right ,but then it just gets too much and you need to release right?

    sounds like youve been pressured into being a strong talented person,so welcome to our losers club !!!! lol

    i know you want to be dead we all get like that so you need to keep coming here to sf to release your pain

    hugs to you and your cat xx
     
  4. Artbioanat

    Artbioanat New Member

    ahoy hoy dantesin, I am glad I read your post because I can relate with you. I have been feeling like I do not want to live anymore also, but at the same time I do not want to let go of the things that I like or enjoy. You have your cat, I have much music to listen to :)

    We are surrounded by life that is full of energy, but why do I still feel without goal or purpose; empty? Am I not strong enough to live? These are a few thoughts that I have been struggling with, similar to what you have been struggling with. However, when I say I am not strong enough or empty, then does that become a comparison? How do we compare unique individuals? If there is a strong, there is a weak. If there is a pretty there is an ugly. If there is sun there is night, etc.

    Alan Watts and Carl Sagan have helped me realize these ideologies. It is within our minds that we are the savior and destroyer of our self. Not only that, but human beings, among other things, live in cycles. The tide comes in to the shore and goes out to the ocean. Give it a try, look for a cycle in your life. If you have no one to talk to, write it out here, get a piece of paper, do whatever it takes, all around you there are people ready to accept you.

    Additionally, by summoning words we invoke feelings. If you tell someone they are ugly, they may believe it. Why? Because someone else told them. But, they have a choice to believe them (Don Miguel Ruiz). What if it is the same way with our mind? Listen to me, you are beautiful in every way and you don't even know it yet.

    ~Artbioanat

    ugggh, tl;dr
     
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    So "everyone thinks Im some strong talented person"

    I wonder how they got to think that ?

    Talent can not be faked - not for people to notice it and state you have it. I bet if you had some confidence you'd be going places for sure!

    I've been were you are - the withdrawal is a sign of depression getting worse, plus the thoughts of entertaining suicide, another classic pointer to your current state of mind being part of this nasty but winnable condition,

    Not wanting to go out, also, its another sign that you are likely suffering with depression. Once you know that - you can take some positive action. But if you just keep it to yourself and keep it all bottled up - well, it WILL slap you in the face - which is a good thing as its a reminder that you have to take some action to overcome it.

    You will not think this thing away. Not unless your Uri Geller!

    You DO deserve life - not only that you deserve MORE than just a basic life, surviving and almost living in your mind.

    Thinking you are ugly is another sign of depression. Your weight may or may not be an issue - depends if its a risk to health. Your mind is more important - and many woman and men who think they are overweight, would feel depressed even if they were the average weight and stunningly beautiful.

    You think looks would always make you happy - but your wrong.

    This is more about your confidence, though its possible you might need to lose some weight. That is easy compared to depression. For depression, we would change our diet and eat only leaves off trees if it made us feel normal.

    Losing weight is simple compared to getting of of the depression. Don't worry about your weight - you can lose but what you do not want to lose is your mind - confidence and self esteem.

    You have to get help - all this "I cannot tell anyone" is the same sh** I pulled for years my friend. All it does it maybe allow you continue the pretence, and this pretence is more to you than anyone else. It sets you back as you'll block off part of the process of healing. At best you can run - but you cannot hide. Depression will always catch up on you - stronger from the chase perhaps. It needs stopping in its tracks - you have to confront it in a variety of ways which will become clear once you 'own up' to having a condition which can hit anyone at anytime.

    There is NO shame in admitting it to a doctor. They hear it all the time and recognise that its not easy. Just write down the points you need to make on the areas of life which suffer through this condition.

    Wanting to be dead is not a good thing.

    Would you not want to wake up and maybe actually be glad to be alive?

    Hold that thought - because its not only possible but likely to happen if you just get the courage to get the help.

    The help is there for a reason in the West. We fought for this whilst other nations can only DREAM of having provisions for mental illnesses and conditions. Take that help, it is there for you. People who never knew you - people born before you were here, fought and campaigned so that future generations would have this safety net in society.

    At worse, you can get help and benefits for yourself.

    Hope you take my advise re the help and I wish you al the best and hope you can still have a good year!

    My regards and best wishes and prayers.
     
  6. dantesin

    dantesin Member

    Hi

    Thankyou all for the lovely words.....yesterday someone inboxed me and it came at a time when I really needed someone to be "out there"

    Thats why I love this site, because there are people who understand us when we need it most

    Hollow Voice... yes my cat is my angel, he really is a special soul and for sure , if it wernt for him and other cats who have shared my life, I wouldnt be here today

    Artbionat

    Music too runs my world....as a musician, its what I do, also sometimes I think it's this that has driven me crazy

    and peace lovin guy

    I have to deal with alot of body issues, I am dysmorphic as I was brought up by a beauty pageant mother and have always had eating issues....too much or too little, but today I woke up and instead of feeling huge and discusting, I left the house for the first time in over a week and went to an exersise class

    today has been ok.....and thats thanks to this site

    I try to keep strong and have such good intentions but every few months the need to be dead is so strong that it frightens me but Ill keep logging on and hopefully can be supportive to other friends in need

    Thankyou angels

    x:hamtaro:
     
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