Too unstable for therapy?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Petal, Mar 4, 2016.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I started my first session of DBT last monday with my psych nurse, since i started seeing her regularly last october/november I have resorted to cutting myself. My arm feels so sore right now, I'm self harming because I'm failing to cope and talk things out, im not able for it, i feel it could possibly drive me to suicide. Suicide was on my mind today for the first time in a long time. What should I do? I will bring this up with the nurse...I have been refused therapy in the past for being too unstable, could I be now too?
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *big hugs* I am so sorry you've hit such a low.

    I can only urge you to be as honest as possible and allow your psych nurse to make the call, if you need to wait, you need to wait. But perhaps they can let you take at least one more session while they keep an eye out for you?

    Last time I had DBT sessions the start was pretty difficult for me, I had some unpleasant relevations... but it got easier for me as time went on... (despite that I faked recovery). I completely understand how you could hit a low after that.

    Take care of yourself hun *hugs you again* I really don't want anything bad to happen to you!
     
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  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks @ThePhantomLady for your loving caring response as always. You are very kind to me. I don't want to have to fake a recovery because that will just put me into deeper waters so I have decided I am going to get a psychiatrists opinion (not the nurse), I need to hear what he think I should do with this dilemma. I will be brutally honest and if he says to continue that you get worse before better then I am willing to do whatever it takes to get better. Suppressed memories are arising and they are quite hard to deal with. Thanks for your precious time in responding to me :) Big hugs!
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs back*

    That sounds like the perfect solution. I am rooting for you!

    I can only speak for me... but that's exactly what happened to me last time. I had a bit of a 'test' DBT session 6 months ago too, and that's what brought me here. So I completely understand where you're coming from.
    I am proud of you for choosing to be honest and work so hard on getting better. It's way too easy either run away or do as I did, and fake recovery (which I NEVER recommend).

    Take good care of yourself hun. I hope you feel better soon!
     
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  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas, thanks for the huggles *hugs back*. Yes, going to be shamefully honest and hopefully he has a solution for me. Otherwise I don't know what I am going to do. I have been advised by folks here to not let giving up be an option and as much as I agree, only I know how badly this is affecting me. I am sorry you had to fake a recovery, may I ask why you chose to do so?
     
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  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Just keep yourself safe, the psychiatrist should know whether or not it's just a case of the first few times being a bit difficult, and you needing some extra support, or if you need to wait. Your safety is important! *hugs*

    I faked recovery because I wasn't ready... I never told my therapist about the abuse etc... so it was difficult to help me. I also formed a bit of an 'unhealthy' bond with my therapist back then, and I have this thing about wanting everyone to be happy... so to not let her have a bad experience about the whole thing I faked recovery for her sake. I would sit in group therapy and in solo sessions and tell how I was improving, exaggerate the good times... downplay the bad, even tell her I felt better.
    I guess I really should re-think getting an acting career.
     
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  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes much more important that losing my life because of therapy. But I feel one way or another I am going to have to face it so just get it over with now. I'm in two minds about it. I honestly don't know what to do.

    I also have that, well it's more of a thing of the past but in general my life goal is to make others happy. I need to start being ''selfish'' and look after myself.
    Do you think you would be ready for therapy now, is it still an option available to you?

    I think you would benefit a lot from therapy. I have done so in the past many times, it changed my life and way of thinking. I did therapy in 2009, it went brilliantly, I did therapy after that again on and off up until last year, it was all private therapy and one on one but I did gain from it :) and it went great and smoothly, I think it might just be ''this approach'' that is affecting me.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Talk to the psychiatrist and have him/her help you make the decision. *hugs*. They know a lot more, but of course it's also about how you feel. Just don't do anything drastic. Deep breaths. Who knows, when you talk to them it might all become a lot clearer!


    I am in therapy now, with another therapist, a great one who is easy to open up to... it was back in 2013 that I faked it... I waited 8 months to get therapy this time, 2 months in I was offered 4 tiny 'trial' runs of DBT... and yeah, that brought me to my knees... and here. I remember it had a similar (though a bit less strong) effect in 2013, But only in the beginning.
    Last time I sought therapy to get out of the SH and my eating disorders... neither were really addressed back then, I had hoped to work on those first and then maybe be able to open up about the abuse later... but later never came.
    This time it was one of the first things I said when I had my initial interviews. It came out pretty awkward, but it did. And I'm glad it did. It's hard work... but I need to get better.

    A thing about starting DBT in 2013 that messed me up was learning about how the brain functions etc. How little things can trigger the body to remember and trigger us to act. All that made me remember and think of stuff too. 6 months ago it was the 'comfort cycle' about how a child should learn to handle emotions... and how some doesn't get the comfort they need and what happens. That triggered me so bad.
     
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  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I will for sure hun, I hope to see a psych on Tuesday while I am already there to do the DBT. I will weigh up the pros and cons then make the decision.

    I'm sorry you were triggered so much and ''later'' can come for you yet. You have SF to support you through it this time and SF seems to help you a LOT which is great. Sorry you had to endure all that hun, that is not nice at all. You deserve better and to get treated in a safe environment. So please try again if your mind is in the right place :) *hugs*
     
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    As do you hun! *hugs*

    Try not to worry too much about what to do before Tuesday, try to distract your mind from worrying. Much easier said than done, I know!
     
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  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Having a long convo (many convo's on sf tonight) and that has me distracted, SF truly is a life saver. Totally addicted to sf lol and thanks @(SP) kcho for having a good deal of conversation with me tonight it has really helped me a lot. You're amazing. As are you @ThePhantomLady thanks for giving me this outlet I needed to remain out of harms way, thanks for your time too :)
     
  12. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Any time, @Petal you can always come to me if you need it! You're an amazing person and you've helped me so many times!
     
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Petal, I used to ask my therapist why I felt worse instead of better sometimes. He said, "Bit by bit, I'm asking you to talk about some difficult things. It can leave you feeling raw. Just 'feel' - and take care of yourself. You can manage."

    So, I offer the same sort of words to you. I know you are hurting. I also know you are so very caring...please give some of that caring to yourself.

    I'm sure you really don't need more hurt (SH, suicide). How about a hug and some TLC instead? Thinking of you. *hug*
     
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  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Awww thanks C. Your therapist seems like a wise person. I will try and take that advice on board. Thanks for the compliments too *hugs* you're a very special person to me C :)
     
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