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Too Young To Die (But I kind of want to try to..)

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So.. I don't really know what to say.
I guess why I want to do this, take my life I mean..
I feel empty and I feel scared and I just don't see much hope.
I'm seventeen and I'm a transsexual, I was born a female.
I'm in the closet about that and my pansexuality.
I'm scared because I'm in a long distance relationship with someone and I hate the distance.
I'm paranoid that I'm constantly being lied to, especially by my boyfriend who I'm scared isn't real..
I've wanted to end my life for weeks and today I nearly did, I'm scared to tell my father I feel this way because he thinks I'm so happy.. But I'm not. I just need help and I don't know what I'm looking for by coming onto this forum and spilling my heart out..
Maybe I want someone to tell me to come out to my dad or break up with my boyfriend or whatever..
I just don't want someone to tell me to turn to God, I'm an atheist and I'm also scared people saying these feelings are because I have no faith in God. I just need help.. And I'm sorry for repeating myself I just don't know..
I don't know what to do anymore.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi welcome to SF i think you should take care of you hun If it will make your burden less by telling someone your dad then do it If it is too stressful having a bf then maybe that too would be best ended Right now all you should be thinking of is getting some supports for you hun to help you deal with your sexuality hugs to you


Active Member
Don't be afraid to tell the truth no matter what!
Say what u r feeling to your father .
And thinking negative thoughts like your bf is not real or else, is called paranoia because u feel insecure about yourself.
No matter how u were born I think your parents love u the way u are and you need to accept who u are .
About boyfriends u need to give them a chance .
No one wants to end up alone.
I hope I helped.
Wish u the best.


Well-Known Member
Your sexuality is not really an issue for you - its only others who have that issue.

But people are very open. If you went to my pub - people would not care - its not a gay pub - just an English working class pub - but there are gay people there and my old neighbour used to wear a dress - he was a gay man - but it never worried me and I think he tried to actually shock me - asking me what his legs looked like. Well - "Very nice I'm sure" I said!

As for your dad - is he kind? If so - I'm sure he will accept you because you are his daughter - unless you want to be a man - and I'm sure he would accept you whatever you done - even if you turned your hair green and said you hated God and wanted to be an anarchist!

Sexuality is part of who you are - but just a part! Sex is important but a loving relationship is more important and you have to decide what you want.

When young you might not want to settle down. Also - as liokriss says - you got to give men a chance - none of us are perfect - you will NOT find a perfect man and any romantic notions of such aspirations ought to be put on a back burner. We are all flawed and you should put nobody on a pedestal - much less imagine they are better than you.

But romance is there - and wonderful things happen for sure.

Don't become cynical about it.

Society is more open about sexuality now - in the West at least - and Americas.

I accept you and don't care about your sexuality.

Most people are like this - but whatever you do in life some will put you down for it. Even being nice - people will oppose it!

I confess I never knew what pan-sexual was.

but I knew it was not having sex with pans!

Excuse my humour but I could not resist!

So - your basically bi sexual but have a kind of ability to retain aspects of female sexuality and male sexuality.

Well - that's just a tiny part of who you are.

Your a human being also - and have interests and passions and dreams like everyone.

When your feeling depressed and isolated - we do find we struggle to be optimistic also - but try not to see this as being the way things are.

Its how it is right now - but grab a shower - a bite to eat - maybe you will feel a bit better.

Think about talking to your father.

If my nieces were pan sexual - I'd know what to say now!

Good luck and welcome!!
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