So i've been down and depressed for way too long. I can seem to cover it with alcohol and drugs, but I know that's not right. So turned those down, almost to a halt and added working out. This helped, but sometimes it's just not enough. So I finally reached out last night to a random therapist who deals in depression and relationship therapy with hopes he can fix me. My issues drove my ex away and I guess I have not gotten over her. Sometimes I really screw up and text her and she replies back not knowing who I even am anymore. 1 year ago today she was the one proposing to me telling me how much she never wants to be with anyone else ever again. I can't be with anyone and it's been a long long time. Sad part is I get hit on all the time, but it actually irritates me and makes me not want to go out anymore. To be a therapist must be a hard job! I would have a rough time knowing if I screw up this person is going to probably end it all. I'm pretty scared because I can actually see myself doing something stupid in the near future. The only part that makes me sad is my parents will be very upset. They're 70 so they're getting close themselves with old age, but I dont know if I can wait for them to pass so I can let myself. I hope this forum and my therapist can help. Otherwise a mess may be coming soon. Kinda odd how I've somewhat planned it already. Not good! My bday is end of August and at this point not expecting to see 31. 3 things that keep me here are mom, dad, and that what if about heaven and hell. Is this common in most people?