Took the next needed step... Hope it works

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jschar1, Jun 13, 2012.

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  1. jschar1

    jschar1 New Member

    So i've been down and depressed for way too long. I can seem to cover it with alcohol and drugs, but I know that's not right. So turned those down, almost to a halt and added working out. This helped, but sometimes it's just not enough. So I finally reached out last night to a random therapist who deals in depression and relationship therapy with hopes he can fix me. My issues drove my ex away and I guess I have not gotten over her. Sometimes I really screw up and text her and she replies back not knowing who I even am anymore. 1 year ago today she was the one proposing to me telling me how much she never wants to be with anyone else ever again. I can't be with anyone and it's been a long long time. Sad part is I get hit on all the time, but it actually irritates me and makes me not want to go out anymore.

    To be a therapist must be a hard job! I would have a rough time knowing if I screw up this person is going to probably end it all. I'm pretty scared because I can actually see myself doing something stupid in the near future. The only part that makes me sad is my parents will be very upset. They're 70 so they're getting close themselves with old age, but I dont know if I can wait for them to pass so I can let myself.

    I hope this forum and my therapist can help. Otherwise a mess may be coming soon. Kinda odd how I've somewhat planned it already. Not good! My bday is end of August and at this point not expecting to see 31. 3 things that keep me here are mom, dad, and that what if about heaven and hell.

    Is this common in most people?
     
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You are being proactive and taking steps to make plans for wellness... and this should earn you many congratulations. Not just that, though. Too many make plans to die while not making plans instead to live. Living can only be tried once, and it's a gift that can have both ups and downs... but it's a gift we can only experience once. It is beneficial to see it through from start to finish... naturally. I am very encouraged when I see a post like yours. Thank you for posting and sharing. Dismiss your plan for the end and focus 110% on your plan for success.
     
  3. jschar1

    jschar1 New Member

    I honestly dont see it the same as you. I see it as, sorry to say, very weak and pathetic. The worst part of my day for a long time has been waking up. I can relate to so many depressed people in feeling totally alone, which is BS when you really think about it. But the deeper you get, the longer the days get and the more upset I find myself everyday. I really am not even trying hard at work anymore. Fire me, I could care less at this point...dead people dont work anyways. Atleast I sure hope! I wouldn't be too encouraged at all. I've hit rock bottom I think.
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    When you hit rock bottom, you have only one direction to go... and that is UP. Bounce back from this. I do understand what you're saying and I have witnessed first hand how this can destroy someone. Believe me, I have seen it and I don't ever want anyone else to see that. The fact that you are posting here, in itself, is a starting point to seeking help. What other avenues have you explored? Have you looking into medical assistance for your situation? You know, every person has a value... regardless what it may feel like at times.
     
  5. jschar1

    jschar1 New Member

    I'm talking with a new therapist. And that is really it. It's easier to post to random people online than talk in person to anyone. I don't like giving my problems to people, especially close people and family. I have a feeling I could find a way to get lower. Below rock is sand, the from sand there is Earth. Below Earth is water. Then backwards and up to the other side of the planet. I think I just wanted to talk to 1 person before I make the final decision. Even if it's a stranger.
     
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