toonKate's Funeral

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by holmstack, Mar 17, 2007.

  1. holmstack

    holmstack Member

    Kate was much loved, both by people who knew her in person and online and will be sadly missed, she was a star that shone really bright. In her memory, Safe Place, the forum she Co-founded with Claire and Understanding, a mh support forum she was an active and well loved member of the Admin team are merging in her memory and becoming Kate’s Place and moving on to being a campaign group for change in the way people with “mental health”, (my inverted commas, I prefer the term emotional health), problems are treated, as well as a peer support forums, it’s what she would have wanted and we are going to kick arse in her memory. We intend making sure her memory lives on.

    If it’s OK with the admin team here, when we have things sorted I will post a link to Kate’s Place so that people can join us in fighting against the crap system we have.

    Below is a post I made on safe Place and Understanding about her funeral, I hope it helps her friends here with closure although for us there will be no closure until changes are made, big changes.

    I’m sure many of you were thinking about Kate and her family yesterday at 2 pm and although in some way I feel uncomfortable posting about it, having spoke to Pip and Claire I’m sure it’s what Kate would have wanted, and her family too, and hopefully it may help closure for some.

    The funeral was at St. Andrew's Cemetery, West Road, Hexham in Northumberland which is a woodland cemetery. In woodland cemeteries instead of gravestones a tree is planted on the grave with a small plaque showing whose grave it is. It is set in beautiful countryside with views of the Northumberland Hills. As well as Kate’s family and a few friends she knew off the boards, Claire, Pip, Anna, Beth, Changeling and I were there from Safe Place and Understanding. We took a bouquet of spring Flowers for her from the members of Safe Place and Understanding. As Kate was not particularly religious it was a humanitarian service.

    We gathered at the graveside as Kate’s casket, which was made from woven split willow with bunches of daffodils placed on the top, was lowered into the grave and then Simon, her eldest brother, introduced himself and thanked us all for coming, especially us lot. Despite being wracked with grief, on the verge of breaking down he spoke eloquently and with sincerity about his sister and it was quite clear that although he had found it so hard to understand Kate’s difficulties he loved her very much and he said a piece of his heart was being buried with Kate. He also thanked us, (all members of Safe Place and Understanding, not just us there), for being there for Kate during her life as we were. He said that one of his biggest regrets was that his children would grow up not knowing their aunty Kate. He said many more beautiful words but details evade me; all were in tears at this time. He than invited anybody else who wanted to say a few words to come forward and Anna did, speaking beautifully about Kate saying she had a Kate shaped hole in her heart and then reading the beautiful poem, Do not stand at my grave and weep.

    Do not stand at my grave and weep;
    I am not there. I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awaken in the morning's hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
    I am not there. I did not die.

    The tears continued to flow.

    Kate’s mother then came forward and thanked us all on Safe Place and Understanding for being there and giving Kate the support and understanding she needed in her life and that she and her family were grateful to us for that.

    Her brother then played a song on a portable CD player that Kate had requested be played at her funeral, Zayra Alvarez - Everybody Hurts -

    When your day is long and the night
    The night is yours alone
    When you're sure you've had enough of this life
    Well hang on
    Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
    and everybody hurts, sometimes ...

    Sometimes everything is wrong,
    Now it's time to sing along
    When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
    If you feel like letting go (hold on)
    If you think you've had too much of this life
    Well hang on

    'Cause everybody hurts
    Take comfort in your friends
    Everybody hurts
    Don't throw your hands, oh no
    Don't throw your hands
    If you feel like you're alone
    no, no, no, you're not alone

    If you're on your own in this life
    The days and nights are long
    When you think you've had too much
    of this life, to hang on

    Well everybody hurts,
    sometimes, everybody cries,
    And everybody hurts ...
    But everybody hurts sometimes
    So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
    hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

    Everybody hurts
    You're not alone.

    Her close family then threw small bunches of daffodils in her grave on top of the casket and then Rosemary, Kate’s Mum spoke to us all individually with really kind words and gave us each a really nice hug.

    We were then asked if we had anything we wanted to do and we said that we had some balloons we wanted to release in Kate’s memory, to signify Kate’s release from the pain she felt and after Claire and me had gone back to Clair’s car to collect them, (typical us, we had got there at the last minute and not had time to get them out or inflate them), we all started a production line to inflate them, tie them, attach pink ribbons and distribute them. We had intended releasing 27, one to signify each year of Kate’s life but we lost count and just went on till everybody was holding one. We also did a few more for people who had asked us to release them.

    I had wanted to say a few words when Simon had invited people to speak but at the time felt too emotional, but I felt I had to say something before the balloons were released and asked if I could say a few words before we released them. I said that I had not had the privilege of knowing Kate that long, but it had been a privilege to know her and so many people felt the same, that so many people would have been here if they could, but they came from all over the world and could not make it or for many reasons face it. (Not my actual words, but the meaning was that, I was too emotional to remember them), and then everybody released the balloons, and by everybody, I mean everybody, even the funeral director released one.

    The Balloons had the words,

    Kate Logan,


    A picture of Kate in happy times

    – and -

    1979 – 2007

    Your spirit will always live on in peace

    Always and forever

    Kate’s family then invited us back but we felt it too much and went to a pub just down the road for a drink before dispersing to return to our homes. We also released a few extra balloons for those that had asked us to.

    We have some balloons left over, the minimum print run was 100, so if anybody feels they want to release one in Kate’s honour in their own time and at their own place please PM either Claire or me their address and I will send you one so you can do that.

    I know Kate was there with us in spirit on this day, things happened that I know would bring that cheeky grin to Kate’s face, and was the sort of thing she would do. Examples are –

    Stubborn as usual it was difficult to get her casket in the grave, it was slightly too small and caught on the side, it reminded me of the time I first met her when she visited Wakefield and we met and when we parked in the multi storey and she parked too near to the next car and got stuck getting out because of this, busting in to laughter saying, “Look at me, my fat arse has got me stuck”.

    When her Brother threw his bunch of Daffs in the grave they missed by a mile, although he was stood so close he shouldn’t have had a Cat in hells chance of missing.

    When the music was playing, the CD player kept faltering along with the song, (this put a smile on my face, I was so sure it was Kate having her sort of fun) and finally, when we released the balloons some got caught up in a nearby tree, but the all ended up blowing in the wind and not one burst.

    Rest in peace our little Kate, it was a privilege for us to have known you and I for one make my promise to your soul that you will live on forever in spirit and we will continue your work and get Justice for you Kate and the so many others that have had your experiences in life.

    With love, always and forever,

    Phil xx

    (Things were blurred, the order of things may be wrong, but the above is how I remember things, I hope the others who came remember them the same).
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member