torment

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    ive been on the pc all day trying to find a place where i fit in, a place where i am needed and kno that if i need to say something i wont get shot down for feeling what i do or make me feel like an idiot for opening my mouth. its the same everywhere i go, same treatment and i guess i dont really kno what i was expecting. i kno nothing has changed and i doubt it ever will.

    i feel so numb inside dont really feel like talking but dunno how else to get the heaviness in my heart to subside and go away. pretty much have no one to talk to in real life. i am so scared that someone is gonna haul me off to some mental hospital or something. i dunno maybe that is where i do belong, i kno my mental state is getting worse. i see it in myself even tho no one else can. people that kno about the issues i have, most of them think its a joke, just something to get attention for...but they kno nothing. people i have known my whole life and yet they dunno how much pain i hold inside, how much torment and agony is locked in my soul, things i will never show. at this point i dunno if it will ever come out, i kno its gonna kill me....sometimes i think it would be better if there was no Anathema, no Meg in this world. Wont have to look at my ugly face, to read my stupid, mean nothing posts. why do i continue to torment myself? Why?
     
  2. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    i know how you feel. i often feel in chat that people don't even know i'm there.

    and i wonder whether i should just go and be gone. i get tired of staying around just to be ignored or talked to as if i don't know what's inside me

    i hope you stay around. you're worth it. and there are people to listen and understand.
     
  3. RonnieFM

    RonnieFM New Member

    Dear Ana,
    In my life I was so insecure, my body trembled, I got the shakes and I bit my nails till my fingers bled. You see I was raised in a vacuum, there was no emotion, no nourishment, and eventually I felt like you do now. But there is a way out! It's true! Deep down the human knows he has the right to live on this earth. It is our birthright - but something happens to us. We start thinking incorrectly. We start believing we are worthless. And our thoughts go weird - we think we are mad, stupid and crazy.
    There is only one way to get out of this hell . . and I will tell you the secret.
    It is your thinking! To change your life you must change your thinking!
    It is as simple as that, but difficult to achieve. You can do it. Many before you have. So hang on tight.
    I am having a book published soon, titled The Suicide Hour, and I will endeavor to help you, if I can, but I am rather new to the net and am still working things out.
    If we get chatting - that would be great. I have some great ideas to help.

    Chin up

    Ronnie M
     
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You know... finding a place where you fit in online is probably not going to solve all of your problems.
    I think the first thing anyone needs to do is work on liking themselves. With a better self image; other things will come much easier... and feeling out of place won't feel as horrible as it feels now.

    No one really knows where they 'fit in' in the world. Many many people are confused about that, so it's okay for you to not know either. It doesn't mean that you don't 'belong'.
     
  5. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    you certainly have earned a place on chat. i recognize you right away when you come on.

    it's really hard to face people who don't listen or respect what you say.

    i've been there and the one thing i learned was to have confidence in myself and what i say. that is really hard for me and i don't always manage it. but, if i know what i'm saying has merit, i'm learning to stand by it. i can hear what others say, and try to listen, but i'm learning to stand my ground if i feel i need to.

    i'm also learning to walk away from people. if they won't accept me and my thoughts and opinions, then i CAN say no, i don't want to be around them. sort of like putting down a book you hate without finishing it. it's ok. totally.

    don't give up. there are those of us who are listening. and, we find you very interesting :hug:
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Chat can be difficult sometimes... At least thats what I have read over the years.. I don't go into it.. I stay out on the forums.. I have met alot of great people here..Stay with us.. You will make friends here..
     
  7. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    No real need to be scared of being hauled off to a mental hospital though... Some of the best friends I've had are ones I met there. It depends on whether you're happy to give up your freedom to be there for a few days/weeks/months etc. I'd be more than happy to stay in a hospital if I didn't have a job, means I get free food and board and potential friends who are going through the same thing.

    And yeah, sucks to have an ugly face sometimes, I have a pretty ugly face myself. But I've found it's OK though, most people judge you based on your personality rather than your looks - at least that's my experience with women, for example. What is it that you're wanting from your life?