ive been on the pc all day trying to find a place where i fit in, a place where i am needed and kno that if i need to say something i wont get shot down for feeling what i do or make me feel like an idiot for opening my mouth. its the same everywhere i go, same treatment and i guess i dont really kno what i was expecting. i kno nothing has changed and i doubt it ever will. i feel so numb inside dont really feel like talking but dunno how else to get the heaviness in my heart to subside and go away. pretty much have no one to talk to in real life. i am so scared that someone is gonna haul me off to some mental hospital or something. i dunno maybe that is where i do belong, i kno my mental state is getting worse. i see it in myself even tho no one else can. people that kno about the issues i have, most of them think its a joke, just something to get attention for...but they kno nothing. people i have known my whole life and yet they dunno how much pain i hold inside, how much torment and agony is locked in my soul, things i will never show. at this point i dunno if it will ever come out, i kno its gonna kill me....sometimes i think it would be better if there was no Anathema, no Meg in this world. Wont have to look at my ugly face, to read my stupid, mean nothing posts. why do i continue to torment myself? Why?