had a job interview today. i think it went well. she said she'd let me know either today or at least by the end of the week. i really expected to hear something today. i didn't. now i feel crushed. i feel like i fell from very high to very low. i do realize that it's silly to be so upset because i haven't heard anything yet. that really doesn't mean anything, does it? and now i feel so confused. i felt so hopeful and happy earlier, and right now i'm just so exhausted and tired of life again. i'm scared of getting the job, i'm scared of not getting the job. i'm scared. always scared. i just think things would be so much easier if i wasn't here. for me anyway.