Hi all.
I posted this earlier but I guess I didn't express myself correctly . I'm pretty much sure I have a node melanoma (a new small hard dark new lump on an existing old pale mole)
From what I read node melanoma kills the fastest , within 3 months, possibly as quick as 6 weeks. I discovered this about 2 weeks ago .
I'm torn right now. I want this, this is what I've wanted for more then 10 years at least , but so why am I unsure?
Off course first off all there are my loved ones (including my 9 year old son) who I'd leave behind.
There are still things I wish to do , but mostly I feel worried nothing will improve in my life. Read below why
My son lives in Europe (I'm in the us ) with his father, and I'm worried he'll never want to live here.
I'm half dutch moved here reluctantly 20 years ago with my parent at the time.
its just my mom and brother here. If something happens to my mom I'd die anyway , I'd be here alone with just my brother.
We both don't have lives , though we live in the same house (set up 20 years ago by parents), and I hate it honestly, even though I could never move out
for various reasons. I will just continue to be lonely and depressed, stuck in a rut.
I'm trying to find any reason to live (I know my son) but I'm struggling. He's happy with his dad and some things happened 2 years ago that
I'm still not oke with. He was staying here for the summer and my abusive ex pushed me to punish him for little things. I should have walked away
from the situation but I allowed it , and he even yelled a few times at my son. The relationship between me and my son has been strained since.
It just doesn't feel right since . He smiles at me and such but I still feel it's not the same.
I'm stuck with no social life as well , and limited job options because of it , because of social anxiety .
I don't know ,what to do ?
I posted this earlier but I guess I didn't express myself correctly . I'm pretty much sure I have a node melanoma (a new small hard dark new lump on an existing old pale mole)
From what I read node melanoma kills the fastest , within 3 months, possibly as quick as 6 weeks. I discovered this about 2 weeks ago .
I'm torn right now. I want this, this is what I've wanted for more then 10 years at least , but so why am I unsure?
Off course first off all there are my loved ones (including my 9 year old son) who I'd leave behind.
There are still things I wish to do , but mostly I feel worried nothing will improve in my life. Read below why
My son lives in Europe (I'm in the us ) with his father, and I'm worried he'll never want to live here.
I'm half dutch moved here reluctantly 20 years ago with my parent at the time.
its just my mom and brother here. If something happens to my mom I'd die anyway , I'd be here alone with just my brother.
We both don't have lives , though we live in the same house (set up 20 years ago by parents), and I hate it honestly, even though I could never move out
for various reasons. I will just continue to be lonely and depressed, stuck in a rut.
I'm trying to find any reason to live (I know my son) but I'm struggling. He's happy with his dad and some things happened 2 years ago that
I'm still not oke with. He was staying here for the summer and my abusive ex pushed me to punish him for little things. I should have walked away
from the situation but I allowed it , and he even yelled a few times at my son. The relationship between me and my son has been strained since.
It just doesn't feel right since . He smiles at me and such but I still feel it's not the same.
I'm stuck with no social life as well , and limited job options because of it , because of social anxiety .
I don't know ,what to do ?