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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Four months ago before going on vacation I stopped dexedrin before and stopped weed right before. I told myself this will be a turning point I will be able to get out in the world and do the things I aspired to(getting a job having more meaningful relationships, conquering my anxiety) Or that it will prove that I am too far gone just like my name.

    stopping the drugs and going on a vacation(yea I know it's said), combined with my senstivities, own issues, and people being rude. My lower lip started burning on vacation and I got paranoid people were out to get me. After being to senstive/ and anxious with people. I stressed myself out bigtime worrying I couldn't sleep for 2 hours my heart was pounding the next morning my lower lip felt so horrible. Physical affects the mental state as well as mental affects the physical.

    Since then I have had alot of physical pain. Burning lower lip. around the lower part of my mouth burned after getting in a car crash(DUI stupid), then I was in the hospital.

    My skin has gotten worse I have tons of tiny(invisible whiteheads all around my mouth chin etc. Redness is worse on the left side after the dental work, below and to the left of my mouth.

    I had dental work and I got some type of infection that again made my lower lip burn and stinging inside my mouth, my jaw has receeded the skin red around my lower lip line on that side.. On the other side of my face there are red marks from herpes scars from last summer, it almost looks like I have lipstick on. Oh yea I have peeling lips.

    There is also swelling on the left side of my face from the anesthetic and or infection. My lower lip burned and stung from this. antibiotics which I got on recently have helped with the oral pain. The swelling is not something I would call extreme but it is sure as hell noticeable to me(and I'm sure others as well). I can see it in my the left side of my lip to my cheeck and up into my sinuses .

    Oh yea and on top of things I seem to have chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches, tender lymph nodes, fatigue not relieved by sleep(12+ hours with waking up and I feel like I haven't slept in 24 hours, muscle and joint pain mainly in my legs, lower back, and arms to a lesser extent, heart palpitations, sleep rhytm disturbacnes( I wake up after a few hours yet I'm totally exausted), short term memory loss, photosenstivity, sensory overload(to sound), testicular pain at times, pallor or paleness of my skin most noticeable on my face,

    On the plus side of things the oral pain has gotten better with the antibiotics but still I'm suffering physically I know I'm repeating myself but my looks have deterioted as well which is more secondary but it's still there,new skin issues(or old ones that got much worse), puffiness/swelling, jaw loss, I can't workout in pain like I am now which leads to muscle loss and fat gain.

    Ok I'm ranting here but I find it weird how things have just gotten so bad I could have never imagined things getting this bad actually. My parents weren't happy with me and I did partially want more but in general I wasn't depressed just anxious and anti social.

    Now my anxeity has gone through the rouff, and I don't go out at all with the few friends or people that I do know. I used to go out a few times a month to relax and have a good time etc. Most of my antisocialness was due to marijuana I have stopped that yet now I'm feeling so much worse, so that is not the problem.

    My body went through way too much shock, I may have gotten some type of virus from a few girls I was with, factor in the physological stress, the physical truama(car crash) and pain, viral and bacterial infections and you get where I am now.

    I don't want to die I want to be alive and feel the way I used too, I just hope all my pain an suffering isn't in vain and one day I can feel physically better and get most of my looks back.

    Sorry about the length of this thread I guess I am just venting to some degree. I hate just about everything about my life. I am blessed with better then most parents who are helping me through things looking for ways to fix my physical pain etc.

    . At times it just seems so surreal the way I feel physically pain and fatigue vise and how I look so different then I used too.

    Peope judge based on the outward appearance I know I look bad it just isn't BDD or something like that. I just wish they could understand the physical pain I go through, and how it's all related...

    I just wish I get be average or normal so I could do some of the things I enjoy wouldn't having to suffer. Anyways I better get to bed
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2008
  2. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    For once, I am speechless. I acknowledge and believe every word you have posted.

    This is going to be the most useless post I've made to date: I don't know what to tell you except you do an outlet. We hear you. We care for you unconditionally.

    I'm hoping someone can come along tell you to suggest where start, as I'm lost.

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey 2fargone,
    I am sorry about the pain you go thru! It must be very difficult to be around people who stare, and talk about you. Have you thought about growing a beard? I look terrible without mine. It's like I go from my neck to my mouth. I have no chin The bone structure is there I just don't understand Why I look that way.
    Have you talked to your regular doctor? He should know what to do.The help is out there you just need to find it. We will be here to help support you. Take Care!!!:chopper:!!!
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