Torture

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dying_inside, Feb 24, 2016.

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  1. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Living is torture and i want it to stop.
    please help.
    i cant take it anymore.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    What is happening hun?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hiya, what is going on for you hun? talk to us here.
     
  4. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Life. i dont want to live. it hurts too much, i dont want to do anything but even when i get to do nothing all day i feel bad and cry and im not happy with it. theres no place for me in this world, no place or not solution. living is just constant torture. i've reached out anywhere. docs, therapists, meds, friends, family, online forums but nothing helps. i feel like ripping my heart out. every day, every hour, every second is torture. I DONT WANT TO LIVE. what do i do? i dont want to go inpatient again. im really losing my mind. im scared of myself. all i think about is hurting myself and dying.
    PLEASE, HELP
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Did going inpatient last time help any bit at all? If it will keep you alive it IS worth going on. You seem like you are in a true real crises, please see your doctor and explain how badly you are feeling. I am sorry you are hurting so much. You deserve help and to be helped. I wish I could take your pain away.
     
  6. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    No, it didnt help at all, actually i've been feeling worse since then. i dont know what to do anymore. im crying and hyperventilating. what do i do?
     
  7. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support Chat Pro SF Supporter

    hey hun you need to go see your dr and seek help from professionals we can only do so much here as for hyperventilating take a deep breath in count to ten and let it out and keep doing it till u feel u can breath normanly again huge hugs hun keep fighting this welcome to sf my name is aimee and my pm is always open anytime u need to talk huge hugs
     
  8. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    ok, my breathing is normal again but my mind is a mess. i want to drink and cut myself but i cant because i quit and i dont want to disappoint all the people who believe in me....
    but in the end i did it. i cut a little bit. it was freeing and i dont feel guilty
     
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You need to find some way to get actual help. If talking here or in chat helps then by all means do it, but the extreme distress you seem to be feeling really at the moment needs to be addressed. There are hundreds of coping methods, distractions, and breathing techniques- which work best is a very individual thing, but when you start to feel any semblance of calmness is when you need to look through those methods so when things start getting worse you can use them BEFORE it gets over whelming. Sometimes professionals are better able to help you figure those out. You can also try when you get into a reasonably calm stet to make a safety plan for yourself to follow when things get really bad- I will attach an example. It is really hard after things are really bad to remember the stuff that helps so having it written ahead of time can help.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     

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  10. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Thank you Ben. i really need some help but i've reached out everywhere i could reach out and nothing helps because im fundamentally alone and when im alone i can do whatever i want, even kill myself.
     
  11. Williamstuckinarut

    Williamstuckinarut Well-Known Member

    Hi d_y are you feeling a bit better? I hope you are because it always makes me a little upset when I read about self harming. Stay strong!
     
  12. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    im not doing any better. yesterday night i had an emergency session with T.
    today all i can think about is cutting and suicide.
    what do i do?
     
  13. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    If you really can't trust yourself I'd like you to call an emergency number.

    And while you wait try to find all possible distractions, do you have a hobby? art? anything?
     
  14. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    distractions dont work, i wont call a crisis hotline because they are linked to MHC i go to and i dont want them to know.
    i think i'll take a few sleeping pills and sleep off the whole day or cut again
     
  15. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please don't cut yourself, you deserve a lot better than to hurt yourself!

    Please fight for yourself
     
  16. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Sorry, i just cut and im taking a sleeping pill now. i cant survive today otherways
     
  17. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    It's okay hun, but try to stay strong tomorrow, please try.

    Have you cleaned it properly?
     
  18. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    At some point you need to deal with the crisis and stress by dealing with it. Someday will need to ask yourself if feeling like this everyday is so painful, what can I do today to make tomorrow better? Otherwise it is an endless repetitive cycle. Deciding which is "worse" the way you feel or the discomfort of getting help is certainly not easy, but it is the way out of the cycle.

    Saying please help here is always available and welcome, but in th eend as a peer support group all that can be done is listen and suggest ways to make better. It does not change the situation until you change something in the situation. Hopefully support and encouragement make sit easier and less scary to do that - to get real help, but it is only encouragement to make it easier. I wish we could do more. (hug)
     
  19. Williamstuckinarut

    Williamstuckinarut Well-Known Member

    Do whatever it takes to get through the day. I'm sure you are feeling like you can't do anything else at the moment.

    Would you like to tell me what is making you sad? Sometimes writing down your problem can do good. Another thing that helps me a lot when I'm down is a long hike or cycle ride. All those natural endorphins are all I really need to regain balance.
    Hope you feel better soon d_y
    Willy
     
  20. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    yes, its all clean. thanks for caring.

    i have reached out for help to everyone before getting to this. this was my last straw before suicide.
     
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