Hi, my name is J. I am a new member to this site. If you're wondering what led me here, it's because I have been feeling the same way as most of the people on this site do, depressed, hopeless, angry, ugly, fat, lost, alone, and suicidal. I almost threw myself in front of a bus early Tuesday morning around 7AM or so. Tuesday night has to be one of the WORST nights of my life. It started off as a usual night. My dad is out of town with his gf so I had my house to myself for almost a week. The night before he left he asked me, "Do you want me to ask Marcy(his gf) if she'll leave her keys behind so you can borrow her car to get food or etc..."?? For some reason I paused for a few seconds when he asked..........I thought to myself, don't borrow her car, something bad could happen and you will feel really guilty. So after a brief moment, I said, " Nah.......it's alright". Being the nice guy he is, my dad asked her anyway and she of course said yes cause she's a nice woman as well, I've always liked her a lot. I said thanks and didn't really think much of it. Well the day after they left, I had this craving to go bowling really bad. For some reason most of my friends don't like to go bowling, usually cause they're broke or just don't like the sport.......well I love it, always have. I texted my friend who is usually up for anything, considering he doesn't have a car so he's usually just sitting on his ass watching tv at home bored, and I asked him if he wanted to go bowling. He said yeah I'm down. So I go to pick him up at 9:30 and we head out to the bowling alley. We have a few beers, nothing major honestly, I mean this guy weighs 400lbs + I'm not joking, a real big dude, and he loves to drink, I can hold my alcohol as well, just being totally honest. We weren't chugging or anything like that, just the casual 2-3 beers each. We even ate nachos and onion rings too so that helped soak up the alcohol as well. Anyways another good friend of mine shows up, he doesn't bowl, but he just chills. It turns midnight, that's when they close, and we decided to go have a couple of drinks at this bar right down the street from the bowling alley. We're there until about 2(closing time), and we decide to go meet up at some girl from the bars apt to drink and hangout. She's a friend of mine as well. So we leave the bar, and head back to my house to go pick up some beer to take to her apt, which happened to be right down the street as well. I pull out a bottle of coconut rum, and my friend says, "hey let's go to Walmart so I can buy some pineapple juice for mixed drinks for the girls". I didn't want to go but he kept nagging me so I said fck it let's go. We get to Walmart and buy the juice, then we leave. Well not a mile down the road on the way to that girls apt, we start fucking around. I did a little swerve for fun, nothing major though seriously. My friend then gets excited and suddenly HE jerks the wheel thinking it would be funny to make me swerve even more. That's when the shit hit the fan. I totally lost control and we ended up swerving down this little ditch area and the car just started rolling, like a fucken action movie stunt or some shit. Somehow the car landed back on 4 wheels, and my 1st thought was to peel the fuck outta there. It wouldn't budge. The wheels were stuck into the dirt, we landed in some dust crop field and were completely stuck. I then told him we needed to get outta there, I didn't want a fking DWI on top of the wreck, even though I wasn't drunk, like I said I can hold my alcohol, honestly. Anyways we start walking and I realize we're walking the wrong way, opposite of my house. I told him to turn around but he was out of it, he must have banged his head or something. I had my seatbelt on and for reason or another, ended up coming out of the wreck wth only a scratch on my finger, and one on my back. My friends keep telling me that "I'm lucky to be alive", but honestly a part of me wishes I would have just died. I was depressed severely before, felt really low, the reason I wasn't driving my own car is because 7 months earlier some woman COMPLETELY blew through a red light and smashed into me going 45mph in the rain. I almost died in that wreck as well. Well my dad came home tonight wth his gf and I couldn't even face them, I feel so ashamed. I know my dad thinks that I was just drunk, and prob lost control, but it's cause of my fking friend jerking the wheel to be funny that made us crash. I don't know what's goIng to happen to me, but I don't feel good at all.