totally burnt out..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by /dev/null, Jul 17, 2008.

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  1. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    i think i need to die soon.. i dont really think i can keep going this way... i think i've LITERALLY went past the point i could take a long time ago... and it's only getting worse and worse, no matter what goes on in my life... i just can't take it.. i've gotten to the point that literally everything seems hollow and pointless.. everything.. nothing has any point to it anymore `fun' seems a totally foreign concept to me now- it doesn't make any sense.. i cant eat because food just doesn't look appealing- i frequently only eat every 3 to 7 days.. it's to the point i don't even think about sex anymore (at all)...
    even if i found a job and went to some kind of doctor, i doubt that they could really fix this... it's just gotten too bad... burning&cutting myself used to help a little... but lately i've had to quit because i was getting caught.. so i started smoking a few days ago for something to do to keep my mind off it when i'm like that.. smoking helps a little but not as much...
    i have no social skills whatsoever, i can't talk to other people hardly at all.. i either push them away, or my mind goes blank so i just start babbling bullshit as a shitty attempt to hide it- even if i really did want to say something.. the only friends i have are my two roommates- one of the them is in jail for skipping bail on something stupid a long time ago... the other has a two week old baby to take care of now... so i def. don't want to stress her out any worse.. that would be bad of me... i kinda want to stay alive long enough to get bail money for my friend and get him out, and help them get started again.. but that sounds SO difficult right now... idk why i'm posting this... i don't think i really want sympathy... i'm just so confused lately... i just know that i really want to at least help my friends before i die... i just cant leave them hanging like that.. they've put up with way more than they had to from me, and have helped probably more than anything else... plus, ill get kicked out of where i'm staying if i don't get a job very soon... but it's so difficult to live through even one night... let alone function, look for a job, and deal with all of this for what seems such a long time... i'm not entirely sure i can do it right now... i'm just so f***ing tired...
    i really hope i can hang on at least a couple more months, but that just sounds impossible in my head right now...
    even if i did, it might very well be even longer... i really don't know what to do...

    sorry for making such a long sloppy post.. i just don't know where else to say it...
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF
    where everyone has a problem haha.

    you're not alone.
    feel free to veiw the boards&&thurraly check it out first

    and stay safe please

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forum,
    It is definetly hard to live in these troubled times. I am sure if you keep talking you will soon feel a little better about yourself.
    If things are looking bleek then go to the hospital. They will evaluate you and set up a shrink to come down and talk to you. be honest with them, what do you have to loose? All you can do is keep trying, I know it is hard but it is worth the effort. Good luck to you and stay safe...:chopper:
  4. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    the hospital's around here suck from what i've heard... anyways if they forced me to stay like i know they would, everything would be f***ed... plus, i'd have to pay that bill too...
    i need to go smoke another red before i start to cry too bad... the last ones waring off... i seriously can't take this much longer though... and there's nothing to f***ing do about it right now.....
  5. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    smoked it and feel light headed AND depressed this time... was pooring cats and dogs too... had to shelter the cig.............. if i was smarter i would have remembered to put it out in myself, that probably would have woke me up....... idk i think i'm just rambling right now idk........
  6. lildude003_in

    lildude003_in New Member

    I will be more than happy to donate my life let me know how and when ...god bless you
  7. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Try and find something to occupy yourself. Goals would really help. Is there something you really aspire to be or do? Do you have any big dreams? Even childhood ones that you've forgotten a long time ago might come up.
    I feel a little burnt out lately, but I haven't been suicidal. It's a hole I dig myself into if I let myself fantasize about it. It's not worth killing yourself over.
    Even if it feels like it's getting worse, there is a chance things will work out in the end.
  8. lildude003_in

    lildude003_in New Member

    free donation of life
  9. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    thanks for the offer but i'm sure you'll be needing that a lot more than i will...
    if donating was possible believe me i'd have done it already, lol... seriously.

    hope you get better though and don't actually do it.... i don't want to be really preachy here right now though seeing's it's all i can think about atm....

    oh yea and walflower thanks for the reply, but i can't really think of anything i aspire to do... i can't think of one thing that i actually find fun anymore...
    even if i did i'd prolly just give up on it- i really mess everything up that's not computer related... it's like i have absolutely no common sense whatsoever when it comes to most things... so no, no goals really... :sad:
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