Totally worthless existance

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wanttodie, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    As I told in my previous posts, I'm working in a software company as a computer programmer. I'm fairly least on paper. I'm on the verge of publishing a paper on my work (with my boss) at a national laboratory here. A normal person would probably might seem to like my kind of life. But I hate my life and wish during night that I die the next morning. I'm Bipolar, SPic, and suffer from severe depression. I cannot look at my past in a positive light. I often find myself dwelling in the past and is something that needs to be overcome. People laugh at me all the time because of some horrible and insane things I did in past and I can't help but feel depressed by seeing them laughing. I fear about my secrets being leaked out once again as they did in past. I've gotten a lot of understanding for why I'm struggling with this and a whole lot of other things related to my past, but my life is the same as it was 10 years ago as an example. I don't have any friends, nowehere to go, nothing to do, just dig research papers on net , write program modules and most days are a living hell to go through. Completely pointless. My boss has remarked one or two times that I'm too quiet. He also said that "you may be able to write software but you must also learn to sell it". Although he aid it in good jest, I think the meaning is clear. I just can't see myself living for another 6-7 years as I consider myself unfit and harmful for the society. People like me have no place in society. some 1 please shoot me
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2008
  2. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    wantodie, I have a few suggestions that may work for you but I want more details on your situation. What have you tried in the past in order to rectify these issues that you face?
  3. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    nothing just hide from people
  4. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Gotcha, gotta get back to work. But I'll post later on tonight, with details. So hopefully you'll stick around with us living people till then :wink:
  5. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    ok, thanks for your concern.
  6. Sentient-Blizzard

    Sentient-Blizzard Well-Known Member

    wanttodie, I undertsand completely what you mean when you say that understanding our problems doesn't mean we can solve them, i'm in the same situation, i sympathise with you, i'm also learning programming by the way! lol but since i'm a freshman, CS 121 -_-
  7. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Please don't hide from us...I know we (The forum members) cannot have the answer for everything but you have to know from the replies you have recieved, that people are concerned and want to help..

    If you were brave enough to reach out, I know you can be brave enough to share your thoughts..Please.

  8. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member


    1. If you have bipolar disorder and depression, you should go see a doctor. Since you said you haven’t yet, it could be that your case is highly treatable but you wont know till you make an appointment.

    2. Next comes the harder part. Your obviously socially isolated but don’t want to be that way. Trying to forge a friendship or relationship is a challenge for anyone and in your case in will be difficult because of your circumstances But it can be done if this is what you want.

    Notice I said IF you want it. The process is very simple but its not easy. It may take time and you may fail a few times before success As far as work goes if you actively go and try to make friends it probably won’t work because of what they are used to seeing from you.

    True story: I had a friend at work who wasn’t meeting any women lately. He is a 34 year old a single father of two who worked a lot of overtime and didn’t have much time to go out. I suggested myspace to him, set up an account and told him the basics of how to meet women on myspace. In the last 8 months he has seriously dated 3 different women. This is without counting all the one dates. 3 in 8 months is HUGE considering he never left his house to meet anyone.

    I would recommend a similar solution to your friendship/relationship issue. There are many sites out there where men give advice to men on meeting women. On the same sites men meet up with men in their area to go out to clubs and meet women. That can help you meet new people.

    At the same time you can try something like myspace, facebook or an actual online dating site to meet people. The former two can also help you to make friends you can hang out with.

    If you combine suggestions 1 and 2 and earnestly work at it I think you can have real success. Eventually you may see that people in your work place notice a change in your personality and start to see you in a different light. There sooo much more to this issue that I can tell you about but I don’t want to make this post any longer. If you want more information you can always PM me anytime or even better research it for yourself (which will help you learn things better than if I just tell you)

    Good luck to you. And remember it can only work if you truly desire change.
  9. NuPrime33

    NuPrime33 Member

    Ahh, programming. I've been into IT for so long. Holding onto your secrets make things worse, really. Holding onto the past just makes things worse, when you let go, you're free, and it's not that big of a deal anymore. Honestly, I'd just let everything out, right here. You gotta get it out man. Otherwise you'll feel bottled, it's like having the best program and software for you and only you, always worried about patent laws and people buying it from you and getting screwed over or somethin'. Just go open source, let it out! For real.:wink:
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