Hello to all. This is my first time posting to this site. Thank you for letting me be part of this. For the last year I have been involved in a relationship that can be described in no other way as toxic. It started out as a friendship (we're coworkers) but it quickly developed into more. A lot more. The biggest problem with this is that he's married and has no intentions of leaving her. Now, if I were smart, I wouldn't have even let this develop but I really thought it was just going to be a friendship. But now we're both in love with each other (at least that's what he tells me...I know I'm in love with him). I've tried to distance myself and I've tried to move away from this but it's like I'm addicted to him. The thought of not having him in my life breaks me apart. When things come up that keep us from seeing each other or we have issues that make me think he'll leave, I start to have suicidal thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts about our "future" are so overwhelming, I just want to escape myself. I can't stand the thought that I fell in love with someone I can never have. It's a pointless relationship and a pointless journey but I don't know how to get off this path. Has anyone ever had a similar situation happen to them? And, please, I ask that you don't attack me for my situation with him. I already beat myself up constantly about it so I don't need anyone else to attack me. Thank you for taking the time to read this!