Toxic Social Media

[EmB]

I had a conversation with my sister a while ago that's been stuck in my head ever since.

I recently deleted all of my social media except for my Facebook and Snapchat for personal reasons. This means Instagram, twitter, etc. gone. We were talking about it, and how I noticed the change once I'd left them - I'd felt better. Bearing in mind I'd only "followed" or "liked" positive things really - travel pages, pet pages, things like that, as well as friends, people from high school, all that jazz.

My sister uses a lot of social media, particularly TikTok. Now, TikTok has a load of "communities" hanging on there, including mental health communities. She was saying how there are some great people on TikTok who share positivity, advice, experiences, things that might support people. And that's great. But there's also a very toxic side, a side where people are competing to be worse than each other, where those who don't have an official diagnosis but still feel depressed or anxious or anything negative are shunned, things like that. And it's awful.

I think you can get a lot of negativity from social media in general, we're all subconsciously comparing and getting fed negativity. There's such a competition to have the best life, to be the most popular, particularly with those who are most vulnerable - this was such a big thing in the kids I used to work with when I worked in a school. But there's so much direct negativity too.

There's a good side to social media, as there's a good side to everything. But if you're down or feeling anxious or have low self-worth, which one are you going to get sucked into? I think social media has done a great job in raising awareness of *some* mental illness, which is great, but only the surface of it. I don't think there's really awareness of what the terms actually mean, and when you're faced with those terms in reality, they're still judged harshly. But that's a rant for another day.

I just think there's so much negativity built up in social media, that it means all of us, particularly those most vulnerable, can get so sucked into it. I know I had, despite not even being aware of it. But what is the answer? Social media is too huge to "take down", and there's a reason I didn't delete two of them - I love to connect with people I'd never see in person otherwise. So what's the answer?

 

[Freya]

Hey Em, I am not sure if this thread is 'what is the answer' in the general lets have a discussion sense or a 'what is the answer' in an 'I need advice with my issue with social media in particular' so not sure how to answer

 

[Ash600]

You called it right, social media can drag out the competitive nature in some, be positive or negative as you have pointed out. Agreed, social media can deliver many beneficial things, but that seems to come with a caveat, and that being it's potential for harm and misuse.

By a strange coincidence, I've just read this article by Jordan Peterson, "Why the Serpent Lurks Eternally in the Garden." Here he discussed the impossibility of humans existing without some form of chaos. What you have wrote illustrates this perfectly.

 

[Walker]

Hi Em, I'm with Lu here about exactly what you're asking. I think what you're saying is "how can I limit my now existing social media time because I feel so much better after deleting all the rest". My advice, in that case, is to delete the apps from your phone if you have PC/laptop. If you have to log in from another device that isn't always at the end of your fingertips it makes it much harder to keep absentmindedly scrolling. You can still keep up with these people you want to keep up with while not flooding yourself with the day to day nonsense they provide.
(Or maybe I misread your question entirely!)

 

[MisterBGone]

Interesting stuff, @EmB ! ; ) —& couldn’t have said it better my-self; ...a couple of ‘initial thoughts 💭’ just from off the top off: I think that, it’d be very difficult to unplug completely from social media, period! (In to_day’s age). . . That said? Is it impossible? No - so long as you’re willing to accept the sacrifices that would be necessary to be made, and would indeed come along with the territory.

now, as for who would be a good & likely candidate for something like this? I’d say anybody whose feeling more bogged down by the overall results (the risk vs reward; or positives not outweighing the negative 👎 s kind of a thing...) — if it becomes destructive, or you feel addicted, then I think it can have a counterproductive impact on your health. Meaning it becomes more detrimental than not, or that the pleasures of the interaction s and such, do very well bring.

I also believe that, the more time you spend on a twitter or instagram, what have you , the greater your chances, or the likelihood of this sort of thing happening, or occurring can be. Think about it. If you log into one of these accounts, let’s just say for argument’s sake - twice a day. . . & for apx . Ten minutes each (time). Now, picture or imagine how plugged in to the conversation s (various and such) you may be. Probably perhaps stilll more o the spectator level or amusement variety, to some certain degree.

compare Th at with, if your stuck at home now & logging in ten times a day. Even if only still for ten minute segments (perhaps unlikely.) — now you might feel slightly more likely to be engaged and wish to get involved and have things that you see people say and do affect you on a more deeply and personal level. As it’s begun to penetrate the consciousness somewhat.
Well, I guess that was more than one or two lines— peace ✌️

 

[dandelion s]

I had a conversation with my sister a while ago that's been stuck in my head ever since.

I recently deleted all of my social media except for my Facebook and Snapchat for personal reasons. This means Instagram, twitter, etc. gone. We were talking about it, and how I noticed the change once I'd left them - I'd felt better. Bearing in mind I'd only "followed" or "liked" positive things really - travel pages, pet pages, things like that, as well as friends, people from high school, all that jazz.

My sister uses a lot of social media, particularly TikTok. Now, TikTok has a load of "communities" hanging on there, including mental health communities. She was saying how there are some great people on TikTok who share positivity, advice, experiences, things that might support people. And that's great. But there's also a very toxic side, a side where people are competing to be worse than each other, where those who don't have an official diagnosis but still feel depressed or anxious or anything negative are shunned, things like that. And it's awful.

I think you can get a lot of negativity from social media in general, we're all subconsciously comparing and getting fed negativity. There's such a competition to have the best life, to be the most popular, particularly with those who are most vulnerable - this was such a big thing in the kids I used to work with when I worked in a school. But there's so much direct negativity too.

There's a good side to social media, as there's a good side to everything. But if you're down or feeling anxious or have low self-worth, which one are you going to get sucked into? I think social media has done a great job in raising awareness of *some* mental illness, which is great, but only the surface of it. I don't think there's really awareness of what the terms actually mean, and when you're faced with those terms in reality, they're still judged harshly. But that's a rant for another day.

I just think there's so much negativity built up in social media, that it means all of us, particularly those most vulnerable, can get so sucked into it. I know I had, despite not even being aware of it. But what is the answer? Social media is too huge to "take down", and there's a reason I didn't delete two of them - I love to connect with people I'd never see in person otherwise. So what's the answer?

i only use facebook and i rarely post except several weeks ago to announce about my mental illness/disorders (with another purpose than getting pity/sympathy). that is a work in progress and although i only received kind responses, i actually posted because my intent is to do what little i can do to make mental healthcare/awareness and understanding move forward and be more compassionate. but everyone wished me well and hoped i found the help i need for my problems.

i usually check up every few to several days without posting anything. i still plan to pursue my original goal about mental health. BUT, social media is very prone to misunderstandings. even when reading something literally, i believe people jump to the conclusion that the post was being sarcastic or facetious or with some kind of bad intent even when there is nothing in the words to indicate that.

people just assume that someone was being “not nice”. at one time i closed my account as best as facebook allows and didn’t use it for a time because of this. at one time someone who i knew as a friendly acquaintance for something like 30+ years unfriended me because of a dispute over coffee and grammar. it was a funny story but it went bad so quickly and severely regardless of what i could do to try to stop it. but i didn’t just stop and that would have been the best thing to do. or maybe i should have told her the conversation was not going good and that we should meet in person for coffee and talk about the good old days.

then, i also think that facebook employs meddling in people’s lives that makes a person think something is happening that isn’t really. this reinforces confusion and the possibilities for unnecessary disputes like i just mentioned above.

and one other point is that everyone posts their happy moments not the bad ones so it creates the illusion that everyone is happy. i know i’m not happy (fortunately i’m able to state that here) but on facebook it makes a person feel as if they are the only one suffering and everyone is happy and just rubbing it in. i doubt that that is the case but once a misunderstanding and speculation begin, all hell breaking loose can easily start to happen.

fortunately the names of the other social media just don’t sound good to me so being annoyed by their names, i never joined. i remain cautious on facebook.

hey was i rambling, i hope i addressed your concerns with my points of view. and yeah, i do find it toxic but maybe a little necessary too. we all keep dangerous chemicals under our kitchen sinks in the form of household cleaners. maybe its a good idea to approach social media in the same way.

 

[MisterBGone]

Yes, although those are the responses you’re receiving “publicly,” —(& they may very well be fully genuinely intended in terms of their authenticity. . ) you’d better believe that people — in general — have some very firm and definite beliefs when it comes to mental illness in as a whole, individually, or as a “phenomena,” (or phenomenon!)

And therefore, just because that is the reaction you’re viewing - that is . . . Allowed to view, it would be naive to think that everybody is on your team, or in complete agreement &/or support of your (or any other) cause. I know a great many who consider all mental illnesses as being under one or the same umbrella ☔️ (meaning: cRaZyYy!.!.!)

what is the typical response and reaction in the press / news & public every time any public murder or what have you (atrocity) has been committed... should they be able to tie it to the alleged victim having, or being “mentally ill?” _/Well, yeah... duh! Okay, that makes perfect sense then. They’re nuts! ;D\_
And so it is expected to be the case: I have even heard them only attribute it to cases where the individual may have only been seeing a doctor for prescription anxiety or depression medications. So, in other words, he was alleged to have been seriously ill — depressed & being under the close supervision and care of a psychiatrists with the need for antidepressants; even so far as a history of suicidal ideation, according to neighbors (I mean , I through a little fluff in there - but not much from what I have read and heard).

There is also this: I don’t think anyone truly know s what it is like or how it feels to be as one or some of us is or are here, unless they themselves have been to that place (the edge of death, it’s doors, or feeling as though you might be better off, even in the absence of...)
This would include professionals, who, despite having all that knowledge, come up short, when it comes to truly lacking first hand experience or person(al) insight into the illnesses they treat on a daily basis .
That is my sermon for the opening service ~*~ > the hand sanitizers will be dropping down from the heavens Shortly, be sure to adjust your oxygen mask 😷 before y our child or any others with theirs !

 

[dandelion s]

I know a great many who consider all mental illnesses as being under one or the same umbrella ☔️ (meaning: cRaZyYy!.!.!)

quite true! i know i am already and long since ruled out! that means i can never open my mouth or flex/tap my finger/tips and be taken even remotely seriously. actually i know that i am actively aggressively ignored when ever i express a point of view.

the people i know on facebook are a few family members, very very long ago friendly acquaintances and people i knew in college. they all knew me then as a “nice” quiet boy who may have been a touch on the weird etc side. once i posted about my self harm they knew why. now that has added to their reluctance to become closer. of course this is my interpretation, speculation, conjecture, and guessing. still i have not had serious responses about the message i was trying to convey and have not rekindled long ago friendships. the most was to inspire someone or someones to send fake messenger messages with phony videos or links or something prompting me to delete messenger. toxicity in action.

still for me, i am still calculating how i can be better than what i get and proceed with my mission!. the point here is to make them understand (which they most likely already do) and or accept that they too are “cRaZyYy”

 

[EmB]

Haha, firstly to @Freya and @Walker, this was more of a rant than anything, just to get my thoughts on paper! Although deleting the apps off my phone is a great idea, thinking about it, and one I'll be doing with Facebook.

You called it right, social media can drag out the competitive nature in some, be positive or negative as you have pointed out. Agreed, social media can deliver many beneficial things, but that seems to come with a caveat, and that being it's potential for harm and misuse.

By a strange coincidence, I've just read this article by Jordan Peterson, "Why the Serpent Lurks Eternally in the Garden." Here he discussed the impossibility of humans existing without some form of chaos. What you have wrote illustrates this perfectly.

I love Jordan Peterson! I'll have a look at this, it sounds really interesting

Interesting stuff, @EmB ! ; ) —& couldn’t have said it better my-self; ...a couple of ‘initial thoughts 💭’ just from off the top off: I think that, it’d be very difficult to unplug completely from social media, period! (In to_day’s age). . . That said? Is it impossible? No - so long as you’re willing to accept the sacrifices that would be necessary to be made, and would indeed come along with the territory.

now, as for who would be a good & likely candidate for something like this? I’d say anybody whose feeling more bogged down by the overall results (the risk vs reward; or positives not outweighing the negative 👎 s kind of a thing...) — if it becomes destructive, or you feel addicted, then I think it can have a counterproductive impact on your health. Meaning it becomes more detrimental than not, or that the pleasures of the interaction s and such, do very well bring.

I also believe that, the more time you spend on a twitter or instagram, what have you , the greater your chances, or the likelihood of this sort of thing happening, or occurring can be. Think about it. If you log into one of these accounts, let’s just say for argument’s sake - twice a day. . . & for apx . Ten minutes each (time). Now, picture or imagine how plugged in to the conversation s (various and such) you may be. Probably perhaps stilll more o the spectator level or amusement variety, to some certain degree.

compare Th at with, if your stuck at home now & logging in ten times a day. Even if only still for ten minute segments (perhaps unlikely.) — now you might feel slightly more likely to be engaged and wish to get involved and have things that you see people say and do affect you on a more deeply and personal level. As it’s begun to penetrate the consciousness somewhat.
Well, I guess that was more than one or two lines— peace ✌️

Agreed, it'd be very difficult, but certainly possible to unplug social media entirely. I'd love to try it at some point and see the changes with myself. The time you spend definitely affects how you interact and experience social media too, for sure! I think that's an interesting comparison, and definitely correct.

i only use facebook and i rarely post except several weeks ago to announce about my mental illness/disorders (with another purpose than getting pity/sympathy). that is a work in progress and although i only received kind responses, i actually posted because my intent is to do what little i can do to make mental healthcare/awareness and understanding move forward and be more compassionate. but everyone wished me well and hoped i found the help i need for my problems.

i usually check up every few to several days without posting anything. i still plan to pursue my original goal about mental health. BUT, social media is very prone to misunderstandings. even when reading something literally, i believe people jump to the conclusion that the post was being sarcastic or facetious or with some kind of bad intent even when there is nothing in the words to indicate that.

people just assume that someone was being “not nice”. at one time i closed my account as best as facebook allows and didn’t use it for a time because of this. at one time someone who i knew as a friendly acquaintance for something like 30+ years unfriended me because of a dispute over coffee and grammar. it was a funny story but it went bad so quickly and severely regardless of what i could do to try to stop it. but i didn’t just stop and that would have been the best thing to do. or maybe i should have told her the conversation was not going good and that we should meet in person for coffee and talk about the good old days.

then, i also think that facebook employs meddling in people’s lives that makes a person think something is happening that isn’t really. this reinforces confusion and the possibilities for unnecessary disputes like i just mentioned above.

and one other point is that everyone posts their happy moments not the bad ones so it creates the illusion that everyone is happy. i know i’m not happy (fortunately i’m able to state that here) but on facebook it makes a person feel as if they are the only one suffering and everyone is happy and just rubbing it in. i doubt that that is the case but once a misunderstanding and speculation begin, all hell breaking loose can easily start to happen.

fortunately the names of the other social media just don’t sound good to me so being annoyed by their names, i never joined. i remain cautious on facebook.

hey was i rambling, i hope i addressed your concerns with my points of view. and yeah, i do find it toxic but maybe a little necessary too. we all keep dangerous chemicals under our kitchen sinks in the form of household cleaners. maybe its a good idea to approach social media in the same way.

I'm glad that people were supportive with that post! I think that's an interesting thought - actually, perhaps it's easier to make people aware of your own experiences and struggles. I did something similar about a year ago with Facebook and like you, received plenty of support, but it also helped that confidence in who I was, being okay with who I am and my mental health. I wouldn't have done it otherwise without that platform. It's interesting, the amount of people I've seen open up with the help of social media. I worry about those who may get shut down.

Misunderstandings are so, so common. The story with your friend, wow! I think people tend to get more easily upset online too, or perhaps just more vocal to share their opinions? I'm unsure on this one.

Facebook is a risky game in terms of meddling. Privacy is a pretty scary thing online too, I think there's a lot of serious danger to be done when people aren't careful.

And the comparison! Their lives must be better than mine because it looks it. People post what they wish their life were like and it sets an expectation none of us can ever reach, even the poster. It just sets the way for more depression.

I will reply to the other two in a bit - I've got to go eat, or I'll get nagged to death :P

Sending hugs

 

[Ash600]

I love Jordan Peterson! I'll have a look at this, it sounds really interesting

It was from his JBP weekly emails which I subscribe to. Guy's a legend with his insights

https://mailchi.mp/jbpdaily/the-new-jbp-weekly-1550605?e=fd5467e25e

 

[MisterBGone]

@e.t. Phone ☎️ home 🏡 alone! Argh ! !
I can t believe you did that.. just joking 🙃 of course; but not having been on facebooks in some decade or more - I am not familiar with the latest innovations, such as that with which you reference d in your post. I gather, though that it was something of an act of self-sabotage, or destruction then? Getting them, to respond in such a manner —(in which they clearly did not: take the bait?) can’t bring your self to just give it up! I know it is hard, on your own. . . What the broke back mount ain line —“I can’t quit you!” Or , “I wish I could quit you. . .” Not the same thing, but you get the point!
And furthermore, how perfectly right & correct you are @EmB ! Just because, and it’s been so long I can’t even remember the statistics: but regardless the exact numbe r is not important. Whatever or however many are actually diagnosed with a mental illness, pales in comparison (we can only imagine by how much!) to those walking around who could be clinically diagnosed as having me t the standard with which to be!
and while this can be related or said to all things, next time - just tell ‘em (not you.. to put that in their “crank pipe,” & smoke 💨 it!!! Just kidding; that may c ome across as borderline hostile or aggressive. But just keep that in the back of your mind next time.
and instagram is getting to be more and more like a tv show or movie each and every day - in so far as, what you see is not what you get... that being “reality!” About as real as reality tv 📺 ;D

 

[dandelion s]

@e.t. Phone ☎️ home 🏡 alone! Argh ! !
I can t believe you did that.. just joking 🙃 of course; but not having been on facebooks in some decade or more - I am not familiar with the latest innovations, such as that with which you reference d in your post. I gather, though that it was something of an act of self-sabotage, or destruction then? Getting them, to respond in such a manner —(in which they clearly did not: take the bait?) can’t bring your self to just give it up! I know it is hard, on your own. . . What the broke back mount ain line —“I can’t quit you!” Or , “I wish I could quit you. . .” Not the same thing, but you get the point!
And furthermore, how perfectly right & correct you are @EmB ! Just because, and it’s been so long I can’t even remember the statistics: but regardless the exact numbe r is not important. Whatever or however many are actually diagnosed with a mental illness, pales in comparison (we can only imagine by how much!) to those walking around who could be clinically diagnosed as having me t the standard with which to be!
and while this can be related or said to all things, next time - just tell ‘em (not you.. to put that in their “crank pipe,” & smoke 💨 it!!! Just kidding; that may c ome across as borderline hostile or aggressive. But just keep that in the back of your mind next time.
and instagram is getting to be more and more like a tv show or movie each and every day - in so far as, what you see is not what you get... that being “reality!” About as real as reality tv 📺 ;D

not sure i understood... are you saying i self sabotaged? if so, i have not considered that. but i do feel the other way, that people just don’t think making positive change in mental health attitude and care should be left up to the mentally ill. that by being with issues, i am perceived as not qualified to do anything but shut up and listen to the doctors and do as they say. no one says that of course but points i was trying to make were simply completely ignored.

 

[MisterBGone]

not sure i understood... are you saying i self sabotaged? if so, i have not considered that. but i do feel the other way, that people just don’t think making positive change in mental health attitude and care should be left up to the mentally ill. that by being with issues, i am perceived as not qualified to do anything but shut up and listen to the doctors and do as they say. no one says that of course but points i was trying to make were simply completely ignored.

No, it was in response — or reference — to when you said this:

“...the most was to inspire someone or someones to send fake messenger messages with phony videos or links or something prompting me to delete messenger. toxicity in action.”

so, I may have misread it the first time through - if it was not you, who was the sender of these “fake messenger messages,”

what I thought was, that you were trying to go nuclear, and get such a strong response in return (action = reaction); that you’d then have no choice but to disable messenger. Again, I have little to no idea what that is (exactly!). .

peace ✌️ from the midde east : )

 

[MisterBGone]

I retyped Middle East - at least twelve times (while auto c - did it sthing!) that this, or that! Was the result...:/ 🖕

 

[MisterBGone]

Maybe it was my mistake ~”*•> twas what can happen, when i should have been an abortion! Discuss: ... ✌️👌✌️☝️😘😍👧💕😂🙃😊😭⛵️🚀🌍🥰😘😍😚🤪🤩🥳😎🤓🤗🤔🤭🤫😴💋💋💄💋💋🗣🦊🐸🐿🎯🎈📌📯🎎☯️🆘♻✅♻️🔰✳️❎❇️🌀💤🚼🆗🆙🆓🆕🆒🔡📶⏸▶️⏯⏺ (you know ... I totally forgot what I was looking fo4 mbut ! —)

 

[dandelion s]

No, it was in response — or reference — to when you said this:

“...the most was to inspire someone or someones to send fake messenger messages with phony videos or links or something prompting me to delete messenger. toxicity in action.”

so, I may have misread it the first time through - if it was not you, who was the sender of these “fake messenger messages,”

what I thought was, that you were trying to go nuclear, and get such a strong response in return (action = reaction); that you’d then have no choice but to disable messenger. Again, I have little to no idea what that is (exactly!). .

peace ✌️ from the midde east : )

The messenger thing was people I don't know hacking people I do know in order to send me fake messages with links to who knows what. That was most likely a result of being public and trolls or hackers saw an opportunity to make trouble. Nothing by my intent.

 

[MisterBGone]

The messenger thing was people I don't know hacking people I do know in order to send me fake messages with links to who knows what. That was most likely a result of being public and trolls or hackers saw an opportunity to make trouble. Nothing by my intent.

Glad I’m. Not on there anymore then!