Trapped - is this abuse? HELP!

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by hailey_14, Jun 25, 2011.

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  1. hailey_14

    hailey_14 Member

    I need help! I dont know if this counts as abuse but its making me go crazy and I need to get out.

    As you might have guessed from my username I am 14. I will tell you all about whatb happened today and as you read it know that this sort of situation happens on a fairly regular basis in my house:


    I was cleaning my bedroom and my mom got pissed at me. She said i need to clean the other rooms not my own. So i did and i was also texting my guidance counsellor from school. She has been my lifesaver helping me with all my anxiety this I was texting her and my mom got livid. She came in and ripped my phone away. She said that my phone is hers until i am 18 and she can do whatever she wants with it. She took it cuz i wasnt cleaning fast enough. Then she wanted me to do the dishes so I asked if i cud wear her dish washing gloves because i have emetophobia and a germ phobia. She said no and if i dont start washing them right now she would shove my hands in disgusting stuff, make my summer miserable, etc. Then she whacked mke in the back really hard and I fell over. Later she ripped off one of my fake nails that i had got for my 8th grade semi dance. she sid i was lucky she didnt rip them all off. and she kept hitting my sister. etc etc etc. that sort of stuff happened for a couple of hour today. now i am hiding in my room.

    It happens a lot. but its confusing because she loves me and she doesnt always act like that. I am so confused. I feel trapped i dont know what to do. Please help! Is this abuse? What do i do? and why do i always cause these bad things to happen i ruin everything!
  2. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member


    sorry things are so hard for you.

    when i started reading your post, I thought, fairly normal irritable mum annoyed at a teenager, but it wasnt long before you mentioned stuff that worried me.

    The two things above all else that cannot be explained away as an attempt to help or cure you were the hitting and ripping off of the nail, these are assault.

    You said you were texting your guidance counsellor, are they aware of what you are going through, and have they been recording it? You need to take action now to get help, because to have phobias and fear at your age is so unfair. Now is your chance to protect your future, ask for help, dont worry about the consequences because i can already hear the cogs rolling in your mind, what about mum, what will people say, what will i lose etc, and those fears will have been planted over time by your mother to justify her behaviour to herself.

    There are so many people on this board who can tell you what it is like to not have asked for help. You are such a brave person to ask your question, please keep asking and telling, and we will be here to care.

  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Erm, hun, no way are you causing this level of violence.
    Sounds to me like your mum is under mega stress and it's spilled out at you girls.
    As a mum I've often got infuriated at my son for not helping out but hit him...NEVER!
    Do you have a counsellor at school, or another family member you trust?
    Seriously, you need to tell an adult you can trust, mum is obviously not coping.
  4. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Yes that does sound like abuse. If you're willing to clean the other rooms she's wrong to get upset "because you're not doing it fast enough". To take away your cell phone due to you texting your counselor. Then to hit you and rip off your fake nails isn't fair at all.

    She must have a lot of her own issues to be taking them out on you in a some weird way. You know how some people have a bad day or whatever then they kick their dog or do something cruel and abusive like that, it sounds to me like that's what she's doing. She obviously isn't happy with her life so she's taking it out on you girls.

    How old is your sister? Does your mom drink or an Alcoholic by any chance?

    If you could guess why is your mom so unhappy to be treating you and your sister the way she is?
  5. hailey_14

    hailey_14 Member

    My little sister is 11 and no my mom does not drink at all. its so wierd thoguh because she is a good mum and loves me and has a great job and is very responsible but she goes through the wierd phases where for like a week she is violent and does sneaky thikng to get me mad at my dad...i always fall for it and get mad at him but later i realize she was at fault. it makes me feel so terribly guilty. I seriously am confused and I would be so scared to tell school got out today for theres no one to tell
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    hmmm that sounds hormonal, does this happen about once a month?
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hailey, I'm sure your mom does love you very much. Sometimes adult problems can be so big even moms and dads get overwhelmed. Your mom might be feeling so stressed that she doesn't even realize how much you're hurting because of what she's said/done.

    Do you have a close friend from school? Perhaps you could talk to that friend's parents about the could say you are concerned about your mom. Or perhaps there's a Kids Help Phone service where you live? You can search online for that. I'm sure they would listen and probably be able to guide you to more resources close to you.

    Please be safe, hun.
  8. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I don't doubt she loves you but people do have their own issues. Terry is right it could be something hormonal or maybe she bottles stuff in for days or weeks on end even stuff from work etc and then releases it every now and then.

    Some discipline is good but you can easily go too far. Also being too much of a friend and relaxed about parenting can cause issues as well.

    It sounds a bit like psychological manipulation, her being sneaky to get you mad at your dad. Do your best not to let her manipulate you like that. It could also stem from social influence since you like your mom you're more willing to take her side, do what she says, or understand where she's coming from.
  9. hailey_14

    hailey_14 Member

    Yes she does love me and is good a loot of times which is why I cant tell anyone...because she could get in trouble. But at the same time I really dont like when she is hitting me, punching me or spitting in my face and I especially dont like to see it happen to my little sister.

    My parents relationship seems to go up and down in cycles and when they arent getting along my mom gets angry at my sister and me. I think it all stems from their relationship but I really get confused when she sneakily convinces me my dad is dumb and all that. like today for instance I dont even know what see was saying but she was telling me he was all sorts of bad and then in the car she was saying al sorts of things to him....vile and accusitory and they got in aa huge fight but whatever way she rainwashes me I was totally on her side until he said he was leaving and got out of the car and drove off in his truck...then I realized she was at fault too.

    Oh I hate this...
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Getting in "trouble" might be the best thing that could happen to her.
    She is obviously not coping and would at least receive some help.
    I know it must feel like you have to protect her, but what if these mood swings escalate?
    Seriously hun tell your guidance counsellor whats happening, mum might be angry to start with but with some help she'll realise she cannot carry on behaving like this.
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