Trapped

[anxious_and_depressed]

I am trapped being ME.

There's so much on my mind that I wanna share that I don't know where to start, so many thoughts are racing through my head. I always wanna write everything or sum it up from a to z, but I don't know how to put everything in order, because first of all i'm illiterate and innarticulate. I'm a social phobic and I'm paranoid I already know what people will think of me and i don't blame them, i become what im fearing to become. I am afraid i'm becoming like my father. Im the worse of the worse, its a vicious circle, I feel so stupid after i say anything to anyone, im probably bipolar. im questioning my motivations for writing here, i dont wanna complain to ppl with bigger problems, i guess im trying to see if anyone can explain this or relate to anything im saying, ive tried starting a thread 100 times, each time deleting everything. I envy the persons who are are articulate on these boards, and i really hate them at the same time. Alright, this is whats been bothering me and preventing me from sharing my story, haha, now that u people understand this its easier to share it,, but i feel so pathetic and miserable to share it, i really dont want to, I have as much trouble opening up on the internet as i do in real life, I regret having opened up before, people dont care, they wished ud shut ur mouth since they cant help u, they feel sorry for u, and that makes u even more depressed, so i dont understand the persons on these boards telling us to open up. no one cares,

ps english is not mother tongue

i might delete everything i wrote if i start feeling pathetic

 

[TheBLA]

Your English is just fine and you shouldn't delete it, it'll help you and us out as well, keep posting, let it out.

 

[left behind]

everytime i try to explain how im feeling theres someone on this site that explains it better. makes me feel so inarticulate. im a complete idiot.

im socially inferiour and noone has ever/will ever truley like me for it. im so loneley and pathetic. i find it impossible to have conversations with people. i am always going to be alone!

its like a huge chunk of my brain is missing. if i dont find a girl by christmas i think i may end myself. im a completely boring barstard. and i feel the same in that no matter how hard people try on this site, noone truley cares.(there are alot of really go people on this site though) i have treyed to use this site to help me but nothing can fill the void that a truley caring hug would bring. i am really desprate for a girlfriend. i feel trapped in the brain of a social retard. it just makes me want to die

 

[TheBLA]

I'm also a complete social retard, I'm a year older than you and don't have any friends, never had a girlfriend as well. I guess its somewhat comforting that I am not alone, we loners, us social retards really need to band together and give each other the support we so badly want and need.

 

[left behind]

'social retard' everytime i call myself that i want to stab myself in the leg
im so pathetic it makes me want to cry but i cant let go

 

[left behind]

i really think they should have a forum dedicated to social anxiety

 

[Lyme]

You should just realize that you can be as anonymous as you want here. It is a good place to open up and share your feelings, because no one has to know who you are in reality.

I don't like having people feel sorry for me, either. I do like it when I find people that I can relate to and vice-versa.

I'm sure that no matter how you are feeling, there will be someone here that can relate to you.

 

[TheBLA]

i really think they should have a forum dedicated to social anxiety

They do actually, in fact, I think there's a lot of them out there. I just don't want to go to them because I'd feel ashamed discussing my problems and hearing about others may make me feel uncomfortable and all.

Go to the main page of this forum, go to the bottom and there'll be a link to S.A.S, a huge forum for society anxiety, try it out.

 

[left behind]

i never scrolled that far on the main page. the link dosent work

 

[left behind]

You should just realize that you can be as anonymous as you want here. It is a good place to open up and share your feelings, because no one has to know who you are in reality.

I don't like having people feel sorry for me, either. I do like it when I find people that I can relate to and vice-versa.

I'm sure that no matter how you are feeling, there will be someone here that can relate to you.

i would have agreed with you when i first came into this site. i thought that in being annonymous i could open up and mabey grow as a person. that hasent happened and it seems like it never will, im losing hope in myself and fast. i feel like im imploding into nothing. i think my end may be coming soon.

 

[anxious_and_depressed]

I don't even want a girlfriend. It's just out the question, . I only want a gf, in a better future, in an ideal future, right now i'm a sadcase, I don't even wanna think about it. It's easier when ur not in love and I am, im heartbroken and depressed, which motivates me to start doing something, to climb out of this hole, I don't know im less suicidal in these times than when im housebound by ocd, and doing my rituals, then i get so frustrated i really wanna end it.

 

[left behind]

Suicide for me is an exit door in a basketball gym, where everyone is playing and im sitting at the bench cuz im a loser, one day i might just choose to leave the gym.

i like the way you put that. i feel left out of life too, it sucks more than anything. i havent even left my house in almost a month. i am a pathetic peice of shit

 

[anxious_and_depressed]

I really wish I could delete this thread, or at least my posts here, why can't I edit them as much as I want or delete them, this really sucks, seriously.

 

[anxious_and_depressed]

Ok moderators, delete all my posts here, i'll feel better, thanks,

 

[anxious_and_depressed]

PS Im really serious

I hope by tomorrow my posts will be deleted - if not im gonna be pissed off

 

[ace]

To anx&dep,nkrukato and left behind please listen to me I do care about all of you I seriously do and understand how you all feel.Please don't despair just give yourself a break and try to relax a bit more,seriously I'm your friend I really am no matter how far away I am from you all talk to me about what's wrong I will listen to you.None of you're silly you definitely aren't you're all worthwhile please start to try and realise that I'm not just saying it.

 

[Hey]

I wish that's all I needed- friends, girlfriend. But I've had those- there's so much more and I am pretty much doing pain to myself in that my expectations are ridiculously high. I expect too much.

If you think a girlfriend and circle of friends will help disintegrate the depression- find a girlfriend and friends. I know it's hard talking and feeling like every word must somehow be filtered to the other person's liking. As if every word is being carefully judged by every person in the room.

Truth is, though, it's impossible to predict what everybody wants to hear. So best thing is to say what you want to hear/makes sense to you- and if they don't like it, fine- one level of difference. Not a huge problem, really.

 

[lymeinside]

nevermind...