Trapped

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leigh1, Sep 3, 2014.

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  1. Leigh1

    Leigh1 New Member

    I feel like I'm suffocating! I'm stuck in a mindless job where I'm completely replaceable, every time I try to do anything worthwhile, it always ends up dying out or being underwhelming and I am stuck in a city that I hate. I hate my friends, they're just as boring and prosaic as I am, but worse because they don't even care! Honestly, if I'd known my life would have ended up like this 4 years ago, I would have ended it then because this is not worth anything I've gone through and if it isn't going to change soon, I'd rather end it now.

    Platitudes don't help. They just make me want to end my life quicker so I can stop hearing them.
     
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Leigh1, Thank you for your message. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time. You're not enjoying your job, you feel your friends don't care about you and the city is not a friend to you either. Despite this, you seem hopeful.

    You want your life to change for the better and you're trying things to make it better. Is there something you really enjoy doing? Maybe it's a hobby where you can join a club and meet some new people? Is a vacation somewhere a possibility? I hope you feel better soon. Husky.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It sounds like you have already been looking for other alternatives to your current job and clearly have been looking to leave the city which is the obvious thing if you hate both. Unfortunately, with no more detail than you hate your job and city there is little to offer besides platitudes about the situation. If you feel like sharing what type of work you do now or would like to do there a re a couple thousand active members here and perhaps someone might have an idea you have not thought of yet to explore ways to change one or the other more quickly- if 2 heads are better than one at problem solving maybe a couple thousand are as well.
     
  4. Leigh1

    Leigh1 New Member

    Fair enough.

    Basically I work as a cashier at a register even though I graduated with a useless degree that has left me $30,000 in debt. It is in a dangerous neighborhood where I have been attacked to the point of being sent to the hospital. I'm neither qualified nor motivated enough to get a better job. I always wanted to devote my life to making something only I can make, so I got a job in theatre. Unfortunately, I didn't go to a very good school and I even had a professor tell me to go to a temp agency to get a job. All my schoolmates have already given up because they only took the major because they had fun doing it in high school and now they're ready for the "real world". If I had that attitude, I would have not gotten that major in the first place since my parents told me that I forfeited any financial or emotional help from them by majoring in a field that they did not approve of.

    I don't want to do community theatre and I don't want to do "hobbyist" level art because that offends me more than doing nothing at all. But even if I do mediocre art or no art or whatever, my life seems just too long and all the years I'd have to live through until I got to die would be insufferable. That's why I'm suicidal.
     
  5. James12

    James12 Member

    That is rough, my brother had a similar experience after his education and he works at a warehouse now.. He also isn't doing great. But it sounds like maybe you have ideas about how you should be living your life that are giving you pain? Like that you need to contribute something unique in your job? Maybe you could talk to someone about it?
     
  6. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Leigh1, Thank you for sharing that information. So what job would you like to do? If you could go back to school after knowing what you know now, what would you do? Also, what is preventing you from doing this? Husky.
     
  7. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Leigh1, I thought I would check in to see how you are. I hope things are getting better for you. Husky.
     
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