i do feel so trapped within myself. i cant control my thoughts which is such an awful feeling. my mind is constantly going round and round all these horrible thoughts about myself and bringing up bad memories, making it impossible for me to feel anything but sick and anxious. i feel its only a matter of time before i go. like a countdown. sometimes it scares me to think like this. but I feel like this is the ONLY way. its inevitable. its all planned in my mind. theres only one thing im holding onto.