Just can't take it any more. There is no escape. I've been stuck living with an emotionally abusive mother my whole life. I'm 36 and it never ends. Day after day of having to be treated as worthless. She's told me I should kill myself, then laughs in my face. My sister gets treated like she's the most special person in the world, she has shouted abuse in my face until I've been shaking and crying - then they both laugh at it. My dad acts as if it's nothing to do with him and I shouldn't bother him about it. As a kid, I had to endure endless arguments and screaming between him and my mum - and had to continually cover up for them - now they act as if nothing ever happened. As if it was all in my head and now I'm just an embarassment and a failure in life. It's the little things now that are proving to be the final straw. I have to be up early to volunteer at a charity shop - but my sister and mum purposely wake me up at three in the morning - then laugh at how upset I get. I won't get back to sleep now and so will be exhausted tomorrow. And they'll do this every night. At work I manage to wear a mask and pretend to be a normal person, but every day I wonder how I'll have the energy to do it anymore. My other sister herself describes living here as 'unbearable' but refuses to help - she got out and is happy and getting married soon. I've been struggling with suicidal feelings since I was a teenager. It just NEVER ends. Reading this back - it sounds so trivial - as if I'm complaining about nothing. But I'm not allowed to speak or show emotion here. I get punished for doing so. I have to not exist. And I can't take it anymore. I went to the doctors recently and was mortified when I broke down completely in front of them - but she was a young doctor who was embarassed by it and just gave me a handout for a number to call. Was visibly relieved when I left. I left a message on the number but then because I missed them calling me back, I got a letter saying they were 'discharging me from the sevice' - it's impossible to even TRY to get help ( and I didn't realise they would do that - send a letter- if my mum or sister had seen I was trying to get counselling - they would have tormented me over it) I'm just done. No-one cares. There is no REAL help out there. It's just endless, endless enduring .... for nothing. To see how happy other people are. To feel insignificant and worthless every single day. I'm so so tired of battling on alone like this. I need it to be over. What is the point of .... continuing to exist .... when life is nothing but misery.