I'm a member here but I'm posting anonymously cos I don't want anyone to worry. These are just feelings I hope I really want to die. I wish I could get hit by a car or mugged and stabbed. I hate my life and I just want it to end. I'm so sick of being a pathetic coward with a head full of hopeless dreams. I want so badly to take risks and be brave, but I'm just so terrified of feeling even worse. But I guess only by risking everything can you gain anything. But as I said, I'm a coward. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is I don't want anyone being upset by finding my body. I've made a plan to just disappear, wander off one night and never be heard from again. I can feel my mind breaking and I know when it does that's what will happen. Hopefully just that. I know deep down that I'm capable of horrific things. I spend so much time and effort trying to do the right thing, if I gave up on that I could do the wrong thing so very very well. Maybe I'd be protecting the people I love if I died, but no one will see it like that. I'm trapped. Everything I do will always be the wrong thing. The only choices I see are kill myself or embrace my natural ability to hurt people and fuck up their lives. I'm a worthless human being who'll only be remembered as a pathetic joke. I should just give in to what everyone wants and kill myself, at least then they'll be rid of me.