Trapped

[DisenchantedHeartache]

Over the years i think i've lost the ability to communicate properly with other people. Often i can reply to questions but, mostly it stays stuck inside my head and never makes it out of my mouth. So i shrug my shoulders or nod my head in response. i've always used music and lyrics as a way of communicating with others, but, people don't seem to understand what i'm trying to say...but i don't know how else to communicate. i feel i've become trapped inside my head and that's the only place for me to stay...it's the only place that i belong.

~...Prisoner, I can’t escape
Where do I find the strength?
To break away from this ball and chain
This ball and chain
Everyday is same old same
Like I’m locked up and it drives me insane
Like a spider tryin’ to run from the rain
From the rain, Yeah..~
{Song: "Trapped"(eng version) by: Henry (K-pop idol) }

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be really frustrating to not be able to get your thoughts and feelings out

 

[shattered dreams]

Hi, DisenchantedHeartache

I can relate very well to your post, the mind is a powerful thing and if you are feeling isolated and depressed, just trying to think can be impossible, let alone trying to communicate well with others, I wish I could offer you some good advice, unfortunately mine is pretty messed up at the moment. I really just wanted to say hi and let you know that you're not alone.

Have you maybe tried talking with a therapist, just putting that out there... you've been here since 2007, so i'm sure you know everyone here, is ready to offer a helping hand when you need it.

 

[DisenchantedHeartache]

Hi, DisenchantedHeartache

I can relate very well to your post, the mind is a powerful thing and if you are feeling isolated and depressed, just trying to think can be impossible, let alone trying to communicate well with others, I wish I could offer you some good advice, unfortunately mine is pretty messed up at the moment. I really just wanted to say hi and let you know that you're not alone.

Have you maybe tried talking with a therapist, just putting that out there... you've been here since 2007, so i'm sure you know everyone here, is ready to offer a helping hand when you need it.

i've been seeing my counselor since 2010. Most of the time i don't even speak, i just play my music and he listens patiently and does his best to understand. i will spend a whole session playing music.

 

[Solace]

"Angel On Fire"

I woke up to another mess in the living room
Broken bottles all around my feet
They came again in the night under crescent moon
Didn't wake me in my sleep

'Cause they talk and drink and laugh 'bout things
And fall in love in my backyard
I hide and cower in the corner
Conversation's getting hard
'Cause nobody seems to ask about me anymore
And nobody seems to care 'bout anything I think
And nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd
In the background screamin', "everybody, look at me"

And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
I'm standin' in the ashes of who I used to be
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire, fire

I used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece
Had the whole world wrapped around my ring
I flew too closely to the sun that's setting in the East
And now I'm melting from my wings

'Cause I'd laugh and drink and talk 'bout things
And fall in love in my backyard
Now it's my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard
'Cause nobody seems to ask about me anymore
And nobody ever cares 'bout anything I think
And nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd
In the background screamin', "everybody, look at me"

And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
I'm standin' in the ashes of who I used to be
But I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
Well, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire

You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire, fire

 

[DisenchantedHeartache]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be really frustrating to not be able to get your thoughts and feelings out

Most of the time

"Angel On Fire"

I woke up to another mess in the living room
Broken bottles all around my feet
They came again in the night under crescent moon
Didn't wake me in my sleep

'Cause they talk and drink and laugh 'bout things
And fall in love in my backyard
I hide and cower in the corner
Conversation's getting hard
'Cause nobody seems to ask about me anymore
And nobody seems to care 'bout anything I think
And nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd
In the background screamin', "everybody, look at me"

And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
I'm standin' in the ashes of who I used to be
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire, fire

I used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece
Had the whole world wrapped around my ring
I flew too closely to the sun that's setting in the East
And now I'm melting from my wings

'Cause I'd laugh and drink and talk 'bout things
And fall in love in my backyard
Now it's my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard
'Cause nobody seems to ask about me anymore
And nobody ever cares 'bout anything I think
And nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd
In the background screamin', "everybody, look at me"

And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
And I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
I'm standin' in the ashes of who I used to be
But I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire
Well, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire

You know, I used to be on fire
You know, I used to be on fire, fire

By:Starset
"Down With The Fallen"

Tired eyes, barely open
Crippled by a promise broken
I have seen an empire falling
Hopeless, can you hear me calling?
Turn away from all that I know
Burning this bridge behind me
Light the way and I'll follow
Where you go

Can you tell me what is real?
Cause I've lost my way again
Can you tell me how to feel?
Cause I don't feel anything
Now that I'm down here again
I'm down with the fallen again

Searching through the darkness below
For a light in seas of shadows
Far from you, but I could never
Abdicate, I'll fight forever
Turn away from all that I know
Burning this bridge behind me
Light the way and I'll follow
Where you go

Can you tell me what is real?
Cause I've lost my way again
Can you tell me how to feel?
Cause I don't feel anything
Now that I'm down here again
I'm down with the fallen again

I will not run
I will not fall
I will not bury it
This is war!!!!
War!!!!
This is war!!!!
War!!!!

Tell me what is real?
Cause I've lost my way again
Can you tell me how to feel?
Cause I don't feel anything
Now that I'm down here
Tell me what is real?
Cause I've lost my way again
Can you tell me how to feel?
Cause I don't feel anything
Now that I'm down here again
I'm down with the fallen again

 

[Solace]

"Migraine"

Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone.

I-I-I I've got a migraine
And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways,
Thank God it's Friday
'Cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays
'Cause Sundays are my suicide days,
I don't know why they always seem so dismal,
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle,
Whether it's the weather or the letters by my bed,
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head,
Let it be said what the headache represents,
It's me defending in suspense,
It's me suspended in a defenseless test
Being tested by a ruthless examinant
That's represented best by my depressing thoughts,
I do not have writer's block,
My writer just hates the clock,
It will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead,
And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I am not as fine as I seem, pardon
Me for yelling, I'm telling you green gardens
Are not what's growing in my psyche, it's a different me,
A difficult beast feasting on burnt-down trees
Freeze frame please, let me paint a mental picture portrait,
Something you won't forget, it's all about my forehead,
And how it is a door that holds back contents,
That make Pandora's Box's contents look non-violent,
Behind my eyelids are islands of violence,
My mind's ship-wrecked,
This is the only land my mind could find,
I did not know it was such a violent island,
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions,
They're trying to eat me, blood running down their chin,
And I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win,
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find,
'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.
Ah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made,
The game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,
And keep it frozen and know that
Life has a hopeful undertone.

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made,
The game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,
And keep it frozen and know that
Life has a hopeful undertone.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.

We've made it this far
We've made it this f...

 

[DisenchantedHeartache]

"Migraine"

Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone.

I-I-I I've got a migraine
And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways,
Thank God it's Friday
'Cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays
'Cause Sundays are my suicide days,
I don't know why they always seem so dismal,
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle,
Whether it's the weather or the letters by my bed,
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head,
Let it be said what the headache represents,
It's me defending in suspense,
It's me suspended in a defenseless test
Being tested by a ruthless examinant
That's represented best by my depressing thoughts,
I do not have writer's block,
My writer just hates the clock,
It will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead,
And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I am not as fine as I seem, pardon
Me for yelling, I'm telling you green gardens
Are not what's growing in my psyche, it's a different me,
A difficult beast feasting on burnt-down trees
Freeze frame please, let me paint a mental picture portrait,
Something you won't forget, it's all about my forehead,
And how it is a door that holds back contents,
That make Pandora's Box's contents look non-violent,
Behind my eyelids are islands of violence,
My mind's ship-wrecked,
This is the only land my mind could find,
I did not know it was such a violent island,
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions,
They're trying to eat me, blood running down their chin,
And I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win,
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find,
'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.
Ah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made,
The game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,
And keep it frozen and know that
Life has a hopeful undertone.

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made,
The game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,
And keep it frozen and know that
Life has a hopeful undertone.

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
But I know we've made it this far, kid.

We've made it this far
We've made it this f...

"Car Radio"

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It's on my sleeve
My skin will scream
Reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I'm driving
There's no hiding for me
I'm forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something terrifying
'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind
I find over the course of our human existence
One thing consists of consistence
And it's that we're all battling fear
Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here
Oh my,
Too deep
Please stop thinking
I liked it better when my car had sound

There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win
And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence


And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit

And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

 

[Solace]

ER MER GERD!!!!
Love that one!!

 

[Solace]

"Oh Ms Believer"

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper
Your twisted mind is like snow on the road
Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder
Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you
But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears
My nose and feet are running as we start
To travel through snow
Together we go
Together we go

We get colder
As we grow older
We will walk
So much slower

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty weeper
Your twisted thoughts are like snow on the rooftops
Please, take my hand, we're in foreign land
As we travel through snow
Together we go
Together we go

We get colder
As we grow older
We will walk
So much slower

 

[may71]

It looks like you've found someone who understands the language that you are speaking

i've been seeing my counselor since 2010. Most of the time i don't even speak, i just play my music and he listens patiently and does his best to understand. i will spend a whole session playing music.

I tend to give out a lot of unsolicited advice. Sometimes it's helpful (or seems to be) and others not. This is the empathy forum though, so I'll keep quiet about it unless you say otherwise.

 

[DisenchantedHeartache]

ER MER GERD!!!!
Love that one!!

^w^ i love it too. i also love migraine , (not that i have them just their song).

"Oh Ms Believer"

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper
Your twisted mind is like snow on the road
Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder
Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you
But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears
My nose and feet are running as we start
To travel through snow
Together we go
Together we go

We get colder
As we grow older
We will walk
So much slower

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty weeper
Your twisted thoughts are like snow on the rooftops
Please, take my hand, we're in foreign land
As we travel through snow
Together we go
Together we go

We get colder
As we grow older
We will walk
So much slower

"Fall Away"

I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I'll keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away

I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't, I don't wanna fall, fall away
I will keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away

I disguise
And I will lie
And I will take my precious time
As the days melt away
As I stand in line
And I die as I wait as I wait on my crime
And I'll try to delay what you make of my life
But I don't want your way,
I want mine
I'm dying and I'm trying
But believe me I'm fine
But I'm lying,
I'm so very far from fine

And I, I can feel the pull begin
Feel my conscience wearing thin
And my skin
It will start to break up and fall apart

I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I will keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away

Every time I feel selfish ambition
Is taking my vision
My crime is my sentence
Repentance is taking commission
It's taking a toll
On my soul
I'm screaming submission and,
I don't know if I am dying or living
'Cause I will save face
For name's sake
Abuse grace
Take aim to obtain a new name
And a newer place
But my name is lame
I can't walk and I ain't the same
And my name became
New destiny to the grave

And I, I can feel the pull begin
Feel my conscience wearing thin
And my skin,
It will start to break up and fall apart

I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I will keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away

 

[DisenchantedHeartache]

It looks like you've found someone who understands the language that you are speaking



I tend to give out a lot of unsolicited advice. Sometimes it's helpful (or seems to be) and others not. This is the empathy forum though, so I'll keep quiet about it unless you say otherwise.

It appears that i have ^w^ thank you