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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by a-blue-butterfly, Jul 14, 2008.

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  1. for anyone who knows the feeling of being caged; trapped; imprisoned. its a terrible feeling. knowing you are helpless with no place to run or hide. no chance of escape as you are far too weak and slow. but what about to be trapped within your own self??? i feel this way everyday. every damn day. im trapped in this body, this "shell" as some put it... but none the less. i'm here, in my own prison, on a daily basis. and how can you escape from yourself? how can you run from your own shadow? there is no escaping... aside from the rather obvious. and im guessing that is the rout i will have to take because i refuse to live in torment much longer. its a living nightmare. stuck within a prison with which there is no key, and no releif as its physically impossible to become another person. its constant hell, from the time i wake up to the time i close my eyes to sleep. i just have to get out. i think im actually a nice person, sometimes i can be a bitch, but i have alot of anger towards god i guess if you will. god or whoever, whatever, for putting me in this body. alot of anger, and bitterness, and jealousy towards others as i would give anything to not be myself. but none the less, i think im a nice person. i have made alot of mistakes. blah blah blah.. but im still a nice person, yet it makes little to no difference. because i will never be able to accomplish anything as myself, not that i'm incapable, just why do it? at the end of the day i would still be me. i would still be trapped. still be absolutley misserable. still have to look myself in the mirror. still stuck in this hell. i'm so tired of this, i just want relief and peace of mind. and for me, this can only be acheived one way. distractions and friends are good... but as i've said. at the end of the day, i'm still myself. i can't deal with this. i can't. i love sleep, and i dont put that statement lightly.. sleep is my only escape, the only time i can get away from reality and myself, and not have to be caged... but now, i cant even sleep. i slept for 3 hours earlier today, thats it. so now here i am, right back to this hell, this constant torment which is my "life". i don't want to be trapped anymore. this is not life... not at all. i cant do this, its just too much. i just want to be FREE and at peace, be able to sleep forever.... i hope my day will come.
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2008
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    What if this feeling of being trapped passes away. Something obviously keeps you going.
    What exactly has caused you to feel this way, is there one specific thing or a number of things.
  3. this feeling of trapped will never pass... as i will always be the person that i am, theres no changing that. the only thing that keeps me going is the innability to currently do what needs to be done, i.e i would prefer not to die in my mothers house and i dont have the nessesary ingredients to fly even if i disregarded the previous mentioned. i've felt this way for a very long time... although its intensified over the last few years, i dont think anything caused it. its not something thats caused or just happened, its just that i'm me, and i hate everything about this person, nothing can be done about that... well, aside from, as i've said the obvious. my life will hopefully be over within a year or two, i'm already begining to try to shut doors. getting people to hate me etc. i really just dont care at this point, i dont want to suffer through this anymore. and no one even begins to understand, my mother, oh god... all she can ever tell me is that i need to get a job and start "enjoying the world". mother, i am not fucking stupid. i got amazing grades in the time period that i was in school, and aside from school smarts, im also not stupid... its just why the fuck am i going to get a job only to live in hell while doing it and afterwards? she doesnt understand, i dont think im even capable at all of working at the mental state i'm in the majority of the time, yet she seems to think its all an act like this is something i do for attention. sigh... i'm going to calm down though, im getting myself all worked up and its not even worth it. as i've said... my day will come.
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2008
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I was wondering do you have any children in your family? The reason I ask is because your ending it will still affect them no matter how distant they are from you. You need to take comfort in your family rather than talking yourself down.
    You have everyone here at the forum on your side. MJust maybe we can shed a little light on your problems. For that you need to open up and share with others. Please take care..:chopper:
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