trapped

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by puddleduck, Jun 4, 2010.

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  1. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    So much has been happening in the past several months. Long story short, marital issues have been messing with my mental state. I have a long history of depression and severe anxiety and I feel so triggered especially right now. I wanted to kill myself earlier this evening, and so I cut my wrists while on the phone with my husband (not enough to do serious damage i guess as i am still here) and my husband told me he didn't care if i died and i could die right at that moment and he wouldn't care. In fact he would be happy. i feel so tired, but i don't want to go to sleep. when i sleep i dream and i want it to stop. i want the pain to stop, i want the sadness to stop. i want to get away from the relationship but i don't want to have to deal with the pain that comes with it...hence wanting to die. the bleeding is under control, but this is not the first time i have made attempts. most of the time they are half hearted (cutting the wrist, but not deep enough, taking pills but not taking enough). i want to go to a psychiatric center, but when i try to make the call i'm too scared to hit the send button. i just don't know what to do anymore...i just want to forget everything/just not feel anymore.
     
  2. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    oh i'd go on chat right now as i could really use someone to talk with but my java isn't working and i only have dial-up internet at the moment and can't download it fast...
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Gosh no wonder you want to get out of the relationship....sounds like a good thing to do..
    I can hear your desperation but please don't hurt yourself....
    take one thing at a time and get some help for yourself as soon as possible.....
    try to make that call and send this time......it's hard to take the first step but sounds like you need to do it for your own safety.....
    there is a life after relationship breakdown....
    I hope you make the call
     
  4. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    thank you so much for responding...i don't know why i can't press the send button...i feel like i would be letting so many ppl down. when i have expressed to my family that i would like to go, they try and talk me out of it saying i'll come otu of there worse than i went in. in my heart and mind i know it's not true, but i am still scared. i asked my husband to please call the local mobile crisis unit or even 911 and he wouldn't. he said i needed to grow up and do it myself. no one understands how hard it can be to get the help...i know i need it...it's just so hard. i'm so tired of everything.
     
  5. PollyAnna

    PollyAnna Account Closed

    you wouldn't be letting anyone down If you want to recieve help. please call. this will show your cruel husband that you're capable, and all of us here want you to be safer. you are a beautiful woman to this world, sweetheart. your death would be very devastating to those who love you.
    please call.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    don't give up...you are doing well in achnowledging you need help....take no notice of what others say...you know what you need and want so do what you think is right for you...I hope you make that call....
     
  7. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    thank you for the support...today has been awful. i've been throwing up from being so upset, haven't done anything really. i keep thinking about ending it. i wish it were easy. i just want to not feel or think anymore. my family doesn't understand. i just keep crying and thinking of different ways to end it. i don't think i have the guts to really do it though. i wish if you thought it enough, it would eventually happen. i just hate this.
     
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