That's how I feel every time I try to think or do something to actually get myself out of the spot I'm in. But every time I try I just run into more and more information proving that I've fucked up and I'm going to be stuck in some medial BS job, if I can even manage to get one of those. I spent 5 years doing a 4 year degree. Mostly because after the first year I realised that I was in for several years of "learning" information but nothing practical. All while racking up huge debt and having no actual life experiences because I am a fucked up person who is socially capable enough to be a part of society but never actually succeed or experience happiness with other people. Equates to dealing with depression and suicide attempts, all while trying to pass some of the hardest classes on the entire campus. Now I'm trying to find a career and I either don't have the income to apply for experience building interships or I'm looking at having to go back for 2 to 4 years of more school. If I can even get in considering the competition, the time since I graduated, my lower marks because of mental issues and if I even have all the stupid fucking requirements. All of this started because I got the idea of doing physical therapy for animals. Turns out you have to get a masters in human physical therapy first. All of which is dependent on meeting certain criteria. Criteria I meet because of my BSc in zoology except maybe for having an University english class. A language I've spoken my entire life; A class that I've taken throughout highschool; An ability that I have demonstrated in everything I've ever written for every science class I've taken may be the single reason I can't apply for the program. All because of the elitist world of University Science. Disregard actual ability and talent in favour of tests, and hoops that only give the illusion of actual selection. I'm never good enough. I have never made the right decision. I do things because I think that they might let me be happy, but none ever pan out. I have a talent for somehow fucking anything up.