We had another fight today. I'm sick of hearing how fat I am. I'm sick of hearing how distant I've been. I'm sick of hearing how horrible I am with money. I'm sick of hearing how much time I spend online. I need support, and I am determined to take care of myself. If the support isn't at home, I will find it. Just because he judges me doesn't mean everyone does. I've been going through my own personal hell this winter, and he is upset that I didn't spoil him rotten. I want to think well of myself, but he keeps pushing me to seek his approval. My mind returned to the hillside today. I think that just means I'm overwhelmed and feeling like I don't have any control. I want to understand, of course, but I don't have it in me. When is it my turn to be understood?