I feel buried in depression here. Saw the doc yesterday hes going to add some med to the mirtazipine.california rocket fuel is the nickname apparently. Staying clean, but its misery..if I use to escape this then I will be in worse misery.I guess I am f$%#ed. I am almost going back to london I cannot stand my family like this,but will I end up offing myself alone there after using? Feel trapped I guess. It probably isn't as bad as I think it is..what do they call it a cognitive distortion? Yeah and the rest.doing meetings..gym..still want a get out..I want out..I want some smack