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Tried and failed - crisis

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Mar 13, 2008.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Have you ever tried and failed?

    Well that is me, that is my life right now. I wanted to fit in to be a part of something and yet I fail at everything I do. every single thing I do or say is wrong or comes out all wrong. If I do things the only way I know how to handle it then I have done the worst sin or worst crime it seems because I don't do the things or handle it the way others would.

    someone made a post in a post I had made at another forum that hurt me and upset me. see I made a post about my trailer that burnt and seeking any info on anything that could help the police catch the arsonist. and someone comes on there and simply says quoting any member by the way which i think was only an icon then posting feb, 8 ( i think - do not really know the date ) but then says after the date home still destroyed? now other people might have handled that a different way but to me it hurt cause i lost a lot of things and losing that along with everything else just got me so emotional that i replied to that post saying why hurt me and yes dummy i cant bring it back. i also sent a pm to this person, who then blocks my pm after replying back to me in a pm, then posts under that post and says that he blocked my pms, etc.. well then another comes on there and posts , and posts that their tired of my BS, and that i am throwing a pitty party , etc and says others go through stugff but pick up and dust themselves off.. well i am not them.. i am simply me. i cant be them cause i am not them. i am different. i tried being myself and responding back because it hurt but yet i am told as being in a pitty party, etc then they say be myself.

    how am i suppose to be myself and yet get accused of wanting attention or throwing a pitty party. i am only human and i cant do it anymore. i cant please them. they will always want more and more and they dont like me. they tell me to be myself yet they want me to be myself but only be myself and be like them. i cant do that. i cant compete with that. if they want me to be myself then they got to accept all of me, both my bad parts and good parts, both my spiritual and emotional side, etc.

    so i tried and have failed. i am so physically , spirutally , and emotionally fdrained that i cant cope and i have tried to heal my heart but i cant heal in my heart until i know the truth of what really happened. and if i am not at fault or if my niece is not at fault then it only takes 2 minutes to send me a email, pm or call to say everything is okay, to ease my mind, but when others that are in the know refuse to do that they are keeping me in pain and keeping my heart from healing. bible says the truth will set you free well why dont they do that then? what is their purpose on keeping it from me? if the goverment is interfering to keep me in this much pain and to keep them from telling me then who are they obeying men or GOD? cause it looks to me like they may be obeying men...

    i have been isolated, isolated from church, from locals, so its my turn to go this time. when i push that button i will either be dead or in a coma, either way i wont know anything anymore. i asked Jesus to carry me cause i am too weak now.. i am just too dang drained of everything to even care right now. so my soul goes back to God this Easter he can either throw me away, give me over to the devil, or whatever. i am sorry i cant be what anyone wants me to be. i can only be me. but being me i make too many dang mistakes, just too many dang mistakes...
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm so sorry that your trailer was burned down white dove and that the people on that other forum weren't more considerate of your feelings. All you can do is just be yourself. Don't worry what others think of you. Everyone is different and we are all special in our own ways. Don't feel that you have to act a certain way so that people will accept you. Just be yourself and know that you are loved. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    My whole life has been a failure. Every aspect of it. Even my suicide attempts end in failure. I fail to die, I fail to love and I fail at life and I fail at being me. What's left?

    I'm sorry white dove, Ive read so many of your other posts and have rarely replied. Not because I dont care, but rather because I only have words to offer, and my words mean nothing. You need so much more than words.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2008
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Oh yes... it hurt so much... and it take ages for recover, i can talk from my own expiriences...

    One advice: Dont post on such stupid forums with souch idiot users...
    Recover soon:hug:
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am going to die soon...

    i am going to die..

    i am ...

    i am..

    i am...
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please hang in there White Dove. It's not your time to go yet.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Susan, I wish I knew what to say to you to make things better, but I really don't. You place so much importance on what others think about you that you are allowing yourself to be deeply hurt by what they say. Your reactions give them things to feed off of and they continue on, knowing it hurts you and has a negative effect. I also know this is in your nature so is very difficult to change. You do not have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. They don't believe you? So what? It is their problem not yours. You know in your heart what is true, and that is where the importance lies. Hang in there. :hug:
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i am afraid it is my time to go..

    my body is shutting down on me and doing things i dont quit understand. the feelings of pain, it is my time to go and i can not explain it to you or anyone else why or how it is that i feel this way.

    i needed answers and i have tried to make peace with those i need to cause to me without that, if there is a true heaven which i fully and truly believe and have faith in, then i need their forgiveness before i can even step foot into heaven...

    believe me people know when it is their time, something lets them know.. i will die at this young age and i cant change that, only Gopd has the power to do that but his chose ias for me to not stay... maybe that is why i came here, to be in somewhat a inspiration to others here to not even try that first attempt cause in doing so they may just succeed like i have, they will see the hardships and hurt feelings and the fears, the peace i am seeking, the hours of pain, and sickness, maybe just maybe i am doing what God wants me to do in order to help others..?

    but i cant do it anymore.. i am not Paul, i am not JOB, i am not strong as they were.

    gentlelady :hug:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I also come here to help others White Dove. I like to believe that if I'm able to help to prevent suicides, then God will be happy with me and maybe when my life is over, I'll be accepted into Heaven. I suppose you're right in that people may know when they are going to die. But I believe that most suicides are not meant to happen. Suicide is not part of the divine plan. We are supposed to live our lives and when our time is up, we will die naturally.
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    it mig not be prt of th pln but whn on sufrs one put out an animl ou of thei misry an whn onm hs cancr thn on ned to stp th pan. i am wek an cat thik strigt my mind is clody cau i am losin blod but if i chos nt ta go t ER an jus go on thn it my choc to d tht. a tim i wis i coud hav did somthig fo my mom. if i coud hav takn her fro the pan i woul hav. whn yo got no choc an noting can hlp u thn yo ten to lok at wht can.

    i hd 2 reson to com her. 1 to fac my fear an try nt to tak my lif an realiz i alred hd in a way suceded. an 2 to mak pec an get a forgivns fro som one i an posiably a famiy membr had don. i learned on thig but di nt ge or acheiv the othr.

    i realy lovd them. i realy di lov them.. i onl ned to knw why the wantd noting to do wih me. i ony ned to knw what happend, the di nt hav to relov me anymr jus help me fin som closr on why thy hatd me. i knw fro a higrer sourc they cam her but my ples wen un notced. i wondr why a lot of tim why?? perhap the jus do not car to hep me eas my min any? perhps others had forc over thm?? i wil nevr know. nevr kno..

    i cn ony hop tht somday the realis wht it would hav meant to me to knw the truh of wht hapned, they mus thik me knoing woul hur me but it hurts me no knowing more. i lovd thm. relly loved thm bu my lov was not enogh, it ws matybe to muc..? thy wer bambertd by me an my stupi lov for thm. i only ned to knw i was forgivn? tht wold hav meant a lot to me. but they jus had no heart a al.

    i hop somdy thy can see tht i lovd thm an tht it hut me evry nigt. i nedd thei forgivnes an lov but i ws not wortyh it to them ot thei herts.
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