tried and failed

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by paws, Dec 12, 2006.

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  1. paws

    paws New Member

    i tried to kill myself. im so annoyed it didnt work and now im just left to clean the stains and hide the wound. it was hard cutting as deep as i did. i have such a low threshold for pain but alcohol and thoughts of how much pain animals routinely endure provided the necessary lubrication. i believe it failed to work because the blood was strangely thick, instead of pouring out it was hanging off my wrist. ive lived a pathetic existence of substance abuse and i feel expired and older than i should. ive never had any confidence and at the moment im drinking everyday. i have an inflamed liver and so shouldnt be drinking at all, but some how it feels good knowing im drinking myself to death. im 32 and ill always be a fuckhead.
     
  2. silverlilly

    silverlilly Member

    You won't always be a "fuckhead". You're making that choice to let the substance control you. If you don't want to be that "fuckhead", change it. Don't be someone you don't want to be. Anythings possible, right? If you want it hard enough, you can change it.

    Or is there some part of you that doesn't want to change? I know that feeling. I still have it, with my depression. Is it just a familiar feeling, something that you don't want to get out of for fear of what is outside of that fictional world you live in with the substance?

    I know it's easier said than done, but only YOU can turn your life around. No one else. (Depressing, aint it?) If you want to change your life, you can, although its hard. I know.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, contact me.
     
  3. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Yes the alcohol is controling you. Have you thought of going to Alcoholics Anonymous. If your liver is bad you should try to stop. That is my 2 cents.
     
  4. paws

    paws New Member

    silverlilly and blackfire thankyou for your response. i was feeling quite messy and self indulgent when i wrote that. to be honest, im a little embaressed i came across so pathetic. in the last few days ive felt really positive and feel empowered that i havent had a drink. i guess my problem is i get down and use bingeing whether it be drugs or food to numb what im feeling. i need to learn tools to deal with depression and work on liking myself.i really appreciate hearing from you both and wish you well.im here for you also!thank you :smile:
     
  5. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you are doing better.
     
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