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Tried, failed (dammit) and fighting the feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by slider, Jan 30, 2011.

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  1. slider

    slider Member

    I have only posted a couple of time so here is some background......

    Famale, 44, married for 28 years ( yes I was 16 what the hell was my mother thinking letting a CHILD get married?), 3 children, 3 grandchildren, battled depression for as long as I can remember.

    A few months back I made a serious effort to die. According to the doctor I was a hair away from being placed in a ventilator. When I first woke up I was pissed because I had failed. (I thought that I had planned it to where I would NOT be found and "saved"). Somehow, I convinced the doctor that my method was an accident to avoid being admitted to a mental health hospital. Either I am a hell of an actress, the doctor was stupid, or he just didn't want to fool with me.

    Fast forward a few months, I am getting in a bad way again and don't know what to do. I think that I am finally beginning to key into a few things that trigger. The first is my husband. People tell me that I should leave, and my heart and head tell me that I should as well, I just don't know how. He is not physically abusive but he is emtionally and mentally abusive. He stresses me to no end and I cannot handle stress. Stress sends me into a suicidal, depressed stage.

    HELP!!! How can I cut the strings and begin to live? I have never had to live on my own. Please do not trivialize this because it is a very REAL situation.
  2. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Oh sweetie. :hug: Nobody is going to trivialise this. Your pain and distress is as real and as valid as anyone else's.

    You need to get out and you need to do it before you get to the stage where you make an attempt again. Is there any possible way you could arrange to go and stay with a friend for a while? Just so you can clear you head? Talk to your doctor? :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you and you know what i hope you do leave for awhile just seperated get some space between you in and him. Get some marriage coucilling seperately go from there. Find a place where you can thing quietly without any interferance even go on a trip for awhile with a friend. Perhaps talk to your husband and convince him to get therapy as well together perhaps you can work things out to what the best solution would be for both of you hugs.
  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Living alone IS hard but not as hard as living with an abuser. I promise. X
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    How old are your children can you go stay with them for a couple of days? I agree nothing like having someone play on your emotions constantly, can you turn it around on him, give it back as hes giving it to you.

    Ive also been married since 17(Im 33) and it is hard, Im sure hes no where near the person you first met, you both have grown and it may be that youve grown apart. If you really ready to leave, then do just that, get up and go.

    If your in the US and want some info on divorces, I can help you. PM anytime.
  6. DeAdwOrLD

    DeAdwOrLD Well-Known Member

    28 years is a long time. How long have you been feeling this way? Only you said you've been battling with depression 'for as long as I can remember.' Is he the reason you're depressed or is his behaviour triggering your depression?

    If it is the latter tell him you want a period of separation. You don't have to be specific about why you want to separate. He is probably already aware things between you and him are less than ideal. You have to be honest; Don't be afraid to say something because if he loves you he'll understand your decision. Say something like you think your depression is getting the better of you, and that if you don't take a break from husband and situation, you'll have to go to hospital and you definitely don't want that. Discuss how you're feeling, that you think it is for the best. Don't challenge him about how his behaviour is making you feel worse. Saying so will probably lead to an argument or something. Don't get stressed.

    Go stay with a friend, parents or children. Take time to recover your health and mental stability until you feel ready to take a new direction with your life or whatever you decide. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
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