tried it too many times

i've had a rough 2 years and till present i've tried to take my life 4 times .. only one time was serios.
i took A LOT of pills with alcohol and it ended me in hospital for 9 days
but i took a fair amount of pills 3 days before and cut very bad.
this was all last february.

i've tried 2 more times after that .. none serios but worrying.
last feb when i took the pills i was so scared but desperate
i did panic and thats why i called for a ambulance
which was wise otherwise i'd be dead.

it's changed my whole life .. jokes about people comitting suicide trigger flashbacks and urges to cut... i can't even say ' suicide' cos i give my shivers.
the nightmares are the worse .. i've had talks about it with my therapist but to no avail.

i'm glad that i survived in a sense cos i would not of had a chance of recovery or chance of life.

 

I say "S word" when I don't want to say 'suicide'.

I hope many posts don't trigger you if you read in the forums. I am sorry for your hurt but glad like you that you were not successful. I applaud you on continuing to learn more coping skills for yourself.

Stay safe!

 

Yeah, I mean it's not like you missed your only chance at death. Might as well stick around a little while longer and see what you can do.

 

I tried the pill attempt befor. Obviously it didnt work.