Tried killing myself last night.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ziva, Dec 2, 2010.

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  1. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    Tried killing myself last night for the eleventh time. Failed once again. Fuck maybe I will xxx, the pain of that can't be as bad as all the emotional shit I'm going through. As has been said before, I'm sick of it all and can't wait to die. And whoever said that it will pass is lying!!! I've been bullied since I was really young and am still being bullied at age 20 and is anything done about it? No! I try ignoring, but the shit just keeps happening. I've had it. It's not just bullying, it's a whole lot of other things as well, but this is the main issue. Anyway, I don't give a shit anymore. My death will be a relief to everyone who knows me personally- I'm epileptic and have my troubles with the law, so no more burden for my family. I don't really have many friends, and they wouldn't really miss me, they never contact me. And the bullies would throw a HUGE party if they knew. Death is an answer, no matter what anyone else says.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 2, 2010
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm so sorry you tried to hurt yourself again. next time can you go to the ER instead? they will look after you until you start to feel better. don't give the bullies the satisfaction of knowing that their words have an effect on you. are you receiving counselling? that will help you stand up to them. you don't have to do this alone. come here and post next time you are feeling so low.
  3. clarise49

    clarise49 Member

    I'm not going to tell you that it will pass b/c I was in your place and if someone said that to me I wouldn't have believed them. I've tried to kill myself a couple times and it obviously didn't work but I'm glad it didn't. Is there anything at all you enjoy or like in life? Is there anything you've always wanted to do?

    I agree with Dazzle don't give the bullies the satisfication. Why should you care what the bullies say because it is obvious that they are to insecure about themselves and are taking it out on you. Who are they too you? They aren't important. They don't define who you are, you do. Everyone is going to go through hard times in their lives and be challenged but that doesn't have to be our whole life.

    Look at the things that are causing problems in your life and find things to balance that negative with a positive. Death is an answer but it is not the only one. There are so many possibilities in life and you may think that there are just as many limitations, but you are the one who makes the limitations not the other way around. No matter what anyone says you are important whether or not you believe it. You can ignore everything that I've said, but I think it's pretty obvious that you aren't supposed to die yet if it is your eleventh time.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I didn't learn how to deal with bullies until I was in my late 20's. I was bullied all my life up until then. Once I did learn though, I never looked back and I have never ever been bullied since. I won't put up with bullying and stop it if I see it happening in front of me. If you'd have told me that I would be like that when I was 20 though, I wouldn't have believed you. I wish I'd learnt how to deal with it at a younger age, it would have saved me so much hurt, but I guess it wasn't the right time for me to learn.
    One thing I can say to you is that bullying isn't resolved by ignoring it. You have to face it head on and if you're suicidal over it, what have you got to lose by facing it head on?
    Don't let them win, the last thing this world needs is some satisfied bullies. There are enough of them in power.
    You're clearly going through a very difficult time and it's overwhelming you. If you have medical problems and issues with the Law that's not surprising.
    Do you have someone you can talk to?
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry you feel this way, Im here anytime you want to chat.
  6. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    The ER here is a joke. They don't do anything or care at all. And the crap won't pass, and when I went to see a psychologist today at my University and told her all the issues and showed her my marks(I have now started to cut myself too) She just asked what was good in my life, even after a minute ago I was telling her that I know there are good things in my life but they are very few like the fact I have a one year old cat, and I DO try to focus on that but she didn't hear me see that I guess.
  7. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Shes was to get your mind started on thinking that you do have thing in your life that make you happy or bring you joy.

    I dont think anyone is going to have magic words that make you feel a sudden change of attitude, only you can choose how you feel and what you want to do about it.

    Did they recommend anything, like meds or therapy?
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    If you are being bullied at your school, you may be able to take action against the bullies. I don't know where you are, but I think many us states have anti-bullying laws.

    You might also be able to take some kind of legal action.

    Beyond that, learning some skills to help defend yourself/ fight back might help.

    I hope that you are able to get through this!
  9. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    She doesn't sound like that good a therapist to be honest. Can you try a different one?
    As for the ER, you have to insist on getting the help you need. It can be really difficult and if you can, you should take someone who will fight your corner for you.
    How's the situation with the bullies going?
  10. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling ok today, a bit better. I officially made on decision: That I'm not letting my ex-boyfriend control what sites I go on. I don't care if he finds my username on a site I go on that he goes on too, I'm not joining for him. I don't put in my real name but he still finds it. In the past, I would quit when he would do this. Now I don't care and I posted a journal telling him that this would be the last time I let him control what sites I go on. He will not have any effect on me in that way anymore. I'm still worried and upset about the charge with the nurse, and I am not sure how I will handle that. I still feel suicidal, but at least I feel a little better today.
  11. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better today. You need to take things slowly and one day at a time until you build up enough strength to face the world.
    Just one your ex boyfriend stalking you in some way? It sounds like he is and if that's the case, then you really need to consider contacting the police.
  12. chickee

    chickee Active Member

    what is your tip for dealing with bullies? I am 30 and still deal with them at times and could use all the help I could get.

    OP - I hope you are feeling better. I know what it's like to be there.
  13. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    The police are useless, they won't do anything since he isn't "threatening" me. Oh and he now made an account using my real name with "TheBitch" at the end of it. And I reported this already to the site administrators four times, but nothing will be done. Jesus I hate this guy. I hate to say it, but if I had to choose between saving him over any other person that has betrayed me, I would save the other person snce nobody has betrayed me as much as he has.
  14. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    You might want to contact NDVH if you are in the US

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    24 hour hotline phone: 800.799.SAFE (800.799.7233)
    who they help: victims, survivors, family, parents, friends, offenders, community leaders. A resource to anyone who may have concerns about relationship being unhealthy or abusive, and it does not matter whether they are dating or married, living together or not.

    The title includes the words "domestic violence", but I think that they cover stalking/ harassment.

    If you can't afford legal help, you might be able to go to a legal aid organization. They might be able to help you take some legal action about your ex, such as a law suit.

    If on-line administrators are not taking action, an email from a lawyer would probably help in soliciting their attention.
  15. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I'm not in the United States, I'm in Canada.
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, you can still call NDVH
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    How are you feeling today Ziva? I hope you're doing better. :hug:
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