tried of it all, just need a best friend..

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ToStayUnknown, Dec 18, 2012.

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  1. ToStayUnknown

    ToStayUnknown New Member

    Hi,

    I'm going to try and find a quick view of why im feeling like the way i do. I saw a psychologist a couple months back and lived a chaotic life since day one. moved around a lot my parent split up when I was in 3rd grade and took a toll on me. My moms bfs were scum bags that treated me life shit. so i ended up living with my dad when i was younger.. which i finally found out why my parent got a divorce. my father verbally abused me and always talked down to me.. The older I got the less time i spent home always going out with my friends which lead to partying all the time. Im an only child and never had anyone besides my friends. The popular i got, the more i partyed. In 2007, i ended up moving to rhode island, i dropped out of high school and all i did was work and party. I ended up meeting this amazing girl that i didnt realize what i had. I lost her and lost my self.. wanting to just end it because I had nothing 4 years later. I'm empty and try to stay positive got my ged, graduated college but still hated my life and the life im living. I moved back home a couple months ago back with my father. I had an abusive girlfriend that would punch me ect. her to use to be suicidal and use to cut her self.. I helped her threw cutting her self which she stopped but had no choice but to move back with my dad. Which has turned out horrible back to the verbal abuse. During the weekdays i'm alone by myself and just get very depressed and start crying and just don't want to be here anymore. I go out on weekends with my "so called friends" and I cant hold conversations with anyone anymore.. I feel awkward around everyone i just to hang out with and dont even have a good time. I started to talk with this girl i dated back in high school, which she moved 2 hours away, we always been really good friends since 5th grade. we tried to start dating about 2 months ago and broke up, then started dating again a couple weeks ago and i acted childish because she kept telling me she was coming up and she doesnt. she tells me shes going to call me back and doesnt. but at the same time she has suicidal thoughts and goes MIA and i want to help her. but i cant even help myself nor have anyone to talk too. i was hoping she would be the one that could help each other out which didnt work.. so we ended up breaking up and i drove 2 hrs last night to see her cuz she wanted to talk about everything. I hate my job that i started 3 weeks ago which is kinda in my field, my boss subtracts hours that we work secretly to everyone and cant get my real career going nor study for my certifications . I'm so sick a feeling/ being alone, i just need one person in my life to hang out with and talk to but thats to hard to ask.. Im scared to be alone for the rest of my life.. just sick of it all but just could never kill myself ever, i want the thoughts to be gone and i want to be happy again... im 24 yrs old and i struggle and try so hard to have a good life with a good woman who could treat me well.. I tried dating sites, I cant even talk to girls like i use too, i get way to nervous unless im drunk.. but when im one on one i do ok sometimes if i dont make it awkward.. i been screwed over by some many women that i some how trust women still.. Sorry for this being so long, i just dont know who to talk to anymore... im just trying to get rid of these thoughts and be happy again in my life... theres so much more to this.. smh...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you talked to your doctor hun sounds like you need help to get out of the sadness you are feeling. Sometimes medication can help and therapy talking to someone who can help you on to a path that has more light on it. You are young hun you have so much time to find that soul mate of yours First look after YOU ok get you strong first because no relationship will last if you cannot look after yourself first hugs
     
  3. ToStayUnknown

    ToStayUnknown New Member

    yeah nothings worked besides xanax, which i try to stay away from unless i really need it.. therapy is out of the question at the moment until i get medical coverage again.. so im screwed it seems like..
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you not screwed you can come here and talk and get support from members here You can go to chat and make friends there This place has so many kind members hun
    We all understand and never judge hun hugs
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi TSU - welcome to SF, do hope you will stay and find that the site is useful for talking it all out with people who understand what it's like to feel the same way. We are all here to help each other :)
     
  6. isunitab

    isunitab New Member

    Hi. I feel Ur pain...if u r lost u have to find u.....put all of your lonesome energies into something totally different.
    Challenge yourself...
     
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