tried Sammaritans--Just not sure....Yes I am...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IZ2INSANE, May 5, 2011.

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    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I have been very active in life----deal with other peoples stuff on a daily basis---helping profession---been tired for a long time---I gues it really doesn't matter---knowing the problem and the solution won't keep things breathing. I am slowly sinking. Therapy twice a week and psych doc once a month---all on the down low---it is part of my shadow---I keep this a secret---I am not sure what the next step is----I guess I really do know---laughing---crying---pain---pleasure---all the same-----all an illusion. Sounds crazy but something needs to be done.
  2. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    One thing that helped me was realizing that the toxic shithole environment/society we live in plays a big part in driving all of us downward. It crushes our dreams and people hurt us when we are at the most vulnerable. However, many think this is aimed squarely at them, rather than this being the way our society is regardless. Few people actually realize in a logical/rational perspective based sense just how dark and ugly our world is. I cannot say 100%, but it is fairly close to that. It's partly so difficult to realize (unintuitive) because all of the 'obvious evils' are gone for the most part, and what remains is subtle and is covered up to look 'good'.

    It may not seem very nice or the apparent reason but it definitely plays a part in all of our issues and it did in mine....for example lack of kind people, poor understanding, selfishness, etc. I don't know how confident you are but for me it was impossible to be depressed once I realized this and became much more confident. When I was depressed, I hated myself and thought things were my fault, etc. If I didn't feel at fault, I felt completely helpless. Not sure if that's your case, but yeah. Not even saying this will work like it did for me...I'm a very different type of guy, but I do find that shifting perspective can help sometimes (and I don't mean that lightly at all, I'm aware of how difficult that is).
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2011

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    I think you are on to something here. Life sucks---we blame ourselves---things get worse and back to the shadows we go??
    I want to get past this edge.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Iz - you must be doing something right as its hard to work when suffering from depression and related issues. You have my admiration there.

    Your right in some ways - knowing the problem and the solutions might not help. It all depends on whether the solutions work - because if they do not then your treading water and as you say 'your slowly sinking'.

    But what works for one person does not for another. You can have 100 people with depression and you know some will report that anti depressants are great - others fall into the 'nothing happened - not even side effects' whilst the worse is just the side effects with an increase in depression!

    And then you have to break that down - as some people might be taking the wrong dose and many will not wait 2 months or more to 'see' if things work. Including GPs some of whom don't seem to even ask how you are doing. Bloody rude and inconsiderate - GPs reading this - really, at least try and show a little understanding.

    Others just lie, tell the doc they are taking them and flush them - which actually kills some fish, especially prawns or shrimps which apparently lose their fear of the light - making predators happy as the shrimp leave the shadows and float upwards - like some E-head heading towards bright lights and loud music.

    Then there all the various types of anti depressants. How many are there out there? I've only taken one and will doubtless be looking into what comes next.

    Some people respond well to therapy - depends on the therapist really and whether you 'click' with them.

    Others are just bored by therapy - maybe know too much about it and know all the questions and angles and all the various approaches. Talking about depression might be pointless for many. I avoid it myself as I know its just not for me. I've just acquired depression, not for any reason - its just there!

    I know my own mind enough to know what tactics can work with me as regards countering negative thoughts.

    HawthronePassage has a good point also - in some ways you are right - society is like an illusion - its like we are only meant to see what we are meant to see - and we also see what we want to see.

    Nobody wants to see a society so chaotic and corrupt that its failing.

    Nobody really likes to hear truths which do not tie in with our preconceptions about society. I know this all too well but I'm not sure if it makes me less depressed.

    It's when you think evil is winning in the fight that makes you down.

    I see life as a spiritual struggle as well as the natural struggle it is. It's a mystery to anyone who looks in that direction - the more you look the more mysterious it seems. Even science is akin to some toddler in a nursery discovering the alphabet. Our understanding of the human mind is still in a place which we are asking more questions than receiving answers.

    But all said and done - every generation has the chance to progress and bring the world forward. Innovations, inventions and great discoveries lie ahead. The struggle between good and evil sees every generation either support war or not. War is perhaps the worse aspect of humanity, a collective act of murder which is carried out on the instructions of men and women so corrupt that it makes me sad.

    It makes me sad that people can follow tyrants without even knowing it and become slaves and embrace ignorance.

    Know Yourself is perhaps the most important motto we can have in life.

    May I suggest just writing about yourself - tapping into your true self which might mean learning the opposite of what you have been taught to be true. Question everything but make sure you mark off what you get answers for. Don't ruminate on the past mistakes you made - admit them, pray for forgiveness if you want - or try to right those wrongs.

    Stand up for yourself also.

    But more importantly stand up for others when you are strong.

    Try to get better for the good you can do others - as getting better just for yourself is maybe not as great an inspiration.

    Good luck and keep up the good fight!

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    Great reply---Thank you!!
    Lot of BS trauma from way back but have been in therapy for a very long time. I have a last ditch effort which is to quit this high stress jb and move far away with my wife who can find gainful employment pretty easy, I have been clean/sober over a decade but not sure if this will continue---I use to OD a lot but felt some relief from the buzz or maybe just being in a coma. Therapy----12 step work---psycho drama---yoga---diet and exercise---12 5imes in detox---7 different long term hospitalizations in many different states---self injury by cutting---burning----and starving----tried prayer and meditation---tns of different psychotropic drugs----relationships----marriage---buying things---God----NO God---sleeping---been on different machines to keep me alive---short term clean time---long term clean time---pride---self-pity----self will--self reliance---embracing the shaddow---inter child work----love---no love-----Out of options-----> think I will start pushing my self into some more permenent solution---It only takes one action---absolutely don't have to fail and feel worse. I am going to sleep on it---no big anouncement here---
    Best web site I have found!!
  6. DawnB

    DawnB Well-Known Member

    For a long time I thought that it is because of society and how terrible it is...and how society is not aiding us through this. I don't really have a lot of support myself, and they always say it's up to us to fix things or get better. I do blame myself for bringing a lot of my problems onto myself, because I feel like it is true. However, I also blame society for making it impossible for me to fix things or causing some problems to begin with. It's telling yourself that you were bullied in middle school and now you didn't want to be around people, which messes up your people skills....and then you're being told that you're an adult now and you need to shape up.

    Therapy doesn't work for everybody, and neither do a lot of anti-depressants. Heck, many people here in the US don't even have health insurance for adequate treatment, so it seems as if there aren't a lot of options to get better.
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