I tried it 8 hours ago. Took <mod edit - methods> And went to sleep. Slept for 5 hours. Nothing much happened. Feel a little different. But nothing much else. Guess it wasn't enough. Why i did this? Well... I´m male & 20 years old. A student. I've felt different from the rest my entire life. Problem isn't related on how i look. I consider myself handsome. So do others. But i´ve been alone most of my life. People are wierd. They don't even try to make connections. No effort what so ever. Only thing i have ever wanted was not to be alone. I have no best friends. No one to talk too. No one ever contacts me. On how you do - "Want to hang out?" I have so many acquaintances. But that's it. I can read on 1 hand those who have gotten closer to me than a mere acquaintance." I promised myself. That when i find a girlfriend. I will be supportive, kind, loving. Literally do anything. And never let go. A Year & half ago. I found that person. She was funny & different in her own way. I loved her. Still do. It was my first serious relationship. On first few months. Everything was fine. Best time of my life. Then i started to notice things. She yelled at me. Quite a lot. Even after i did something sweet. She also yells at her parents if she wants something. Like "Make tea". "Go to store & bring me this". It was weird at first. But my love towards her blinded me. My classmates even asked - "What do you see in her?" I remained silent or responded. "I know the side of her that you don't." I went & lived with her & her parents for half a year. She didn't live a very luxurious life. But that didn't bother me. I went there. Because she lost her computer in an unfortunate event. I brought mine & tried to make her happy. For half a year I couldn't listen music out loud. Cause her mother thinks its noise & doesn't stand it. I couldn't use my computer because i was kind & let her use it instead. For half a year i starved, cause that family doesn't make dinner or eat together. They eat each when they feel like it. And the food. Was just weird. I don't know how they have survived so long. I survived cause i went to work in a security firm for the summer & made money for myself. In short. I sacrificed so many things, so that she can be happy. I starved. Put her needs before mine. Forgot the word "comfort". Just so that i could sleep, next to her & put my arms around her. I have done thousand good deeds for her. But from her to me. I could hardly remember hundred. She was following an MMO release. Guild Wars 2. Introduced it to me. She said "I want to play this together with you when it comes out". When it finally came out. She forgot me entirely. Made new friends. 90% of them boys. Started to flirt with them. Chat with them. Even went to another country & see them. While lying to me, that she went to see her grandma in another town. I found it out the same day she went. Cause i´m not stupid. And when she got back. She didn't even apologise. She didn't try to comfort me after that neither. Just left the problem up in the air, like nothing happened. Finally, it had been 6 months. I helped her get a computer. One that cost 1800 €. Put it together myself. So yea... It was time for me to go back home. This is where she thinks things went wrong. She thinks that i left her. I just moved back with my parents to enjoy life a little. I didn't live far away. But she said "This is the time where i got over you. I don't feel love towards you any more." I don't get it... I just moved back after helping her out. I didn't leave her q.q Anyways. I feel used. I still love her. Even knowing what a Monster she is. Pure Evil i'd say. Its hard. She is my first love. But i´m so tired of living. This world. Its isn't for me. I don't like it. Study, so that you can work your ass off your entire life. Just to get by. I want a world with possibilities. Like "Naruto" or "One Piece". I know its weird. But i still want that. I want adventures. Its hard to be so weak & powerless. I´m sorry for the long post. Don't know any other way to give an image on what has happened. There is so much more to say. But i have to stop on some point. I´m a kind person. Just tired of being alone.