tried to die last night, thinking about trying again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Noah, Apr 19, 2010.

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  1. Noah

    Noah Member

    Tried to gas myself, was "rescued" spent the next seven hour in shock, vomiting, what looked like blood and fluids, with the worst migrane headache I have ever had. Vowed I would never do that again, but already feel like going for round two tonight.
  2. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Hi noah, I'm sorry your feeling really bad right now and that you attempted. Is there anyone close by that you can go and chat to or stay with until your feelings pass? I know the feeling of failing and wanting to try again... it sucks, stick around here and chat to people. Do you think you could go to the Hospital and tell someone how your feeling? They will help you if you give them the chance.
    Hope you feel better soon x
  3. Noah

    Noah Member

    There are people here, they mostly turn me away if they think I'm depressed, I can't handle that response, I'll get back in the gas for sure.. maybe a different one this time..

    God I wish I had a gun
  4. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that, do you see a doctor to help with your feelings? Please don't attempt again. People who are close to you often don't know how to react in situations that we put them in such as suicide attempts, self harm. Please consider calling a crisis line or going to hospital it sure seems that you need to get alot off your mind.

    Hugs* x
  5. Noah

    Noah Member

    I haven't seen anyone in a while, I don't think I can afford anyone who can really help. I spent time in a psych ward, then a depression ward. I've tried every medication that was available, some of them make me worse, none of them have "fixed" me. I've talked to councelors to the point where I'm starting to sound like one myself.

    I can't talk to anyone I know anymore, they all want to leave me, if they haven't already. people are sick of me, so I can rid them of me, for their sake. Thats how I think, its pretty simple.

    I likely won't cause myself any harm tonight. I have some clinic numbers, I honestly think I won't get any better, just rack up more medical bills I can't pay. No one can fix me, and I don't think any drug can either. I don't think I'm worth saving and niether does anyone else. Just another useless middle aged piece of crap.
  6. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I think you're worth saving, Noah. I'm also middle aged, and neither of us is a piece of crap. We have worth, we matter, even when we really don't feel like it.

    I think it's hard for people who have never felt deep depression to understand what it's like. Maybe they think we can just stop feeling this way. In any case, I think people will sometimes distance themselves from us when we are feeling this way because they just don't know what to do. They feel guilty, so they walk away, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

    I'm glad you're okay for tonight. I hope you continue to hold on, one day at a time.
  7. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Hi Noah just checking to see how you are? Hope you managed to get through the night/day whichever it was for you x
  8. Noah

    Noah Member

    Thanks for your concern, I'm still here. I can't get the last holiday out of my head. i am alone on all holidays now, after I ended up in the hospital from my first attempt, I have been banned from some house holds so I spend holidays alone now. The people who claim to be my family (even though they know it hurts me) leave me to go various places I'm not allowed to go on the holidays.

    The last one was the worst, I was alone all weekend, but looking forward to seeing them when they came back, but this is what I was greeted with.

    My Goddaughters brushed their way past me without even looking at me. One of them gave me a shoulder hit to push me out of the way, none of them would look at or talk to me.

    What the hell did I do? they were all pissed. I asked what was wrong and one of my goddaughter said "Mom said you would be like this". Like f@cking what? most family members greet each other with a smile and a hug after they haven't seen each other in a while? I'm depressed and alone for another holiday, all weekend, and they walk in angry with me? WHY? I wasn't upset at all until I got that treatment.

    My weekend alone on a holiday while those guys were off having a good time and a warm meal at their parents/grandparents house with their family was f@cking great, it was nice of them to ask.

    They hate me! They had me fooled for a while, wanted me to be "part of their family" but it's obvious now. I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2010
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey noah...I'm also middle aged and I don't think we are pieces of c**p...
    .I'm so sorry youre being treated so wonder you feel down..
    sounds like these children are out of control and they show no respect for you at all....
    wonder if youre having counceling?...anyone to talk to other than the family you live with...someone who can teach you how to deal with what you hav to put up with?
  10. ShermanFlynn

    ShermanFlynn Banned Member

    Dieign weel not fex et. Tak charg of yor lyfe man. Et weel be woerse if you keel yorself
  11. ShermanFlynn

    ShermanFlynn Banned Member

    God no like suiside btw so plese dotn! :(
  12. Noah

    Noah Member

    Still here, got some help at work, they are going to make me get treatment and stick with it. Was also informed that they have been trying to get me a big promotion and raise and were pretty surprised that I had gotten this depressed. Up till now, I have done a good job at keeping my problems out of work. I can get paid leave if I want it, I will avoid that unless I get hospitalized again.

    The family I am with are decent people. They treated me better than my family. the kids are usually great, and the one that hurt me the most is the one I am usually closest to. I think I have to repair her trust, if I have to keep living.
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