It's been at least a month since I've slept much or ate well. I can barely keep myself together, it's taking me longer to type this... I can't think straight. I've tried my anxiety med, it isn't working.
I got off the antidepressant a month before this blow up with the bf who didn't tell me when he left that he was moving out, leaving me to scramble to get a place...... I've called, searched, shelters, for rooms available to no avail. I'm panicking. My son has blown up and we had a noise complaint which will certainly make this impossible to stay long now, maybe any day they will knock on the door and ask us to leave the premises as I didn't co sign a lease, just an agreement with the bf that I payed rent and gas money to. He got fed up, we fought so much for almost a year.... I kept hanging on stupidly for hope. He's gone. I feel desperate, so desperate and hopeless that thoughts of wanting to harm myself come often now.
I need sleep, I just took a half antidepressant hoping, praying I will sleep. At least if I sleep I can think a bit straighter. I wish my family was supportive, One older sister who assaulted me a few
years ago, but did apologize. A brother who thinks he can control me and keep me out of my dad's home, where him and my older son live rent free. I feel defeated. I was always the black sheep. I could do nothing good in anyones eyes. My mother, when I was 17, well she always ignored me and was abusive, wrote a note on my bed that said "Insert my name here NNNNN
YOU ARE GROSS!!!! Underlined in big letters. I had just started dating and stayed out late, I guess I knew they thought I'd slept with my bf.... they were strict christians. I hadn't slept with him. I was so hurt by both my parents, another night I came home late and dad came out with a baseball bat threatening me and my boyfriend "get in the house YOU SLUT!!"
F my life. I'm so tired. I'm 52 and cant ever feel peace. The only time of my life that began to feel good was with this boyfirend in the first few years things were good, at least fairly good. He kept telling me he loved me...... hugging me, and I had never felt that loved before like that. Now he doesn't love me anymore...... I'm lost. I think I should have put this in the my story part? I'm sorry for writing so much.... I feel like curling into a ball and sinking into the ground now. Forgive me for sharing such bad things. Someone please put a trugger on here? I don't know how. Thank you all here.... I am glad to have found somewhere where maybe someone in this world hears me. Hugs to all suffering
I got off the antidepressant a month before this blow up with the bf who didn't tell me when he left that he was moving out, leaving me to scramble to get a place...... I've called, searched, shelters, for rooms available to no avail. I'm panicking. My son has blown up and we had a noise complaint which will certainly make this impossible to stay long now, maybe any day they will knock on the door and ask us to leave the premises as I didn't co sign a lease, just an agreement with the bf that I payed rent and gas money to. He got fed up, we fought so much for almost a year.... I kept hanging on stupidly for hope. He's gone. I feel desperate, so desperate and hopeless that thoughts of wanting to harm myself come often now.
I need sleep, I just took a half antidepressant hoping, praying I will sleep. At least if I sleep I can think a bit straighter. I wish my family was supportive, One older sister who assaulted me a few
years ago, but did apologize. A brother who thinks he can control me and keep me out of my dad's home, where him and my older son live rent free. I feel defeated. I was always the black sheep. I could do nothing good in anyones eyes. My mother, when I was 17, well she always ignored me and was abusive, wrote a note on my bed that said "Insert my name here NNNNN
YOU ARE GROSS!!!! Underlined in big letters. I had just started dating and stayed out late, I guess I knew they thought I'd slept with my bf.... they were strict christians. I hadn't slept with him. I was so hurt by both my parents, another night I came home late and dad came out with a baseball bat threatening me and my boyfriend "get in the house YOU SLUT!!"
F my life. I'm so tired. I'm 52 and cant ever feel peace. The only time of my life that began to feel good was with this boyfirend in the first few years things were good, at least fairly good. He kept telling me he loved me...... hugging me, and I had never felt that loved before like that. Now he doesn't love me anymore...... I'm lost. I think I should have put this in the my story part? I'm sorry for writing so much.... I feel like curling into a ball and sinking into the ground now. Forgive me for sharing such bad things. Someone please put a trugger on here? I don't know how. Thank you all here.... I am glad to have found somewhere where maybe someone in this world hears me. Hugs to all suffering