trigger, how to define assault or abuse

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by wallflower, Jan 30, 2016.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    My ex has schizophrenia. I used to but I recovered from it. He kept saying he wanted to marry me. My brother said to stay away from him and promise me not to talk to this guy again because I told him he abused me. We were snowed in at my house and he started having sex with me, I told him to stop three times because I wasn't enjoying it and he wouldn't. Then he finally stopped and then called himself an idiot. I can't tell if its actual rape because I agreed to have sex but he heard be say stop. what should I do? His mom is also being abusive and harassing me, threatening to sue me. My dad is overseas and moved out as well. I'm alone taking care of my mentally incompetent mother. Everyone is gone. All my friends have betrayed me. I was choking myself last night and i feel disgusted with myself. Im very spiritual and blessed. God said something about or sent me a feeling that I was ok, that he knows my strengths and weaknesses and only sees the good in me because he wants what is best for me. I'll never commit suicide because I made a vow to God not to upon the passing of my uncle when I heard a voice that made me promise this.

    But things are really hard for me. I started having nightmares about death and seeing ghosts, I saw a man over my friends head. I've been having premonitions since I was young of things that come true but no one would believe me. And then I can just watch as all my premonitions slowly come to pass as a mere observer unable to influence these events. I predicted a lot of things....that happened or that I prayed for not to happen and did not somehow but almost did. Like an assassination attempt that didn't succeed. I feel I am a good person, but I dont want to become religious or over zealous about my psychic gift of intuition. I thought that because I had a dream about my ex, that we were meant to be together but I also had night terrors for three years about him stabbing me to death and raping me. So I can't predict or prevent everything....but they keep coming true...and I don't know what to think/ Rummaged through papers and files after my dad moved out...mom was a peace activist knew a lot of stuff...haarp and elf and psi ops etc. but my ex kept ranting about project paperclip and how he was a part of it, really freaked me out. Now he's acting crazy and mean again...so what can I do? am I cursed for being born on friday 13th, is Joshua the prophet of the morning star? Yeshua, jesus?

    Is that crazy to think that? But everything i predicted for him came true too....one day God will be realized...but in those I am not alive....alternate lives, realities, something...it's all crazy...parallel realities...I've broken through time, I've made it rain and proved it to another patient. "You don't believe me? In thirty minutes it will start raining on this perfectly clear blue sky on a summer's day" and then as they took her to transfer, it started raining, in thirty minutes had gone by...not the first time I've made it rain. lately with my ex Chris we had been seeing weird stuff happen, my car...started like driving itself or turn off and on, and stuff...and I stopped right split second before train tracks but I've escaped so so so many impossible near deaths near accidents without a scratch...and I'm alive. Im not crazy anymore. but the truth is driving me crazy...somewhat because reality is somewhat both subjective and tangible, but mostly an illusion. So you can't prove what you see if someone else is blind. It's impossible. Objects flying across the room, people will still shrug it off. Is that why I'm so different? Is that why I'm such a freak? Because I can walk through worlds....because I can travel through the multiple facets of this chaotic structure that has no impossible....science...everything...and I'm not losing it yet because of what I know. But because I have no one to talk to about it. I have all my journals in a binder that predicted my future experiences of life, and really really odd details that reflect upon certain things right now, like I needed to know how deep the well is and found an image of my well from years and years ago about how the well pump broke and that it was 40 ft deep....it's almost scary sometimes...
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    So far as rape =- if you say stop and they do not it is rape. Nothing else is really relevant. With issues with his mom and everything as well- whatever else you do, keep your distance from them as nothing good is coming from it. Sop far as what you should do, you should talk to a rape sexual abuse counselor and discuss why you are feeling confused about what happened and let them help you with those feelings. I would also really strongly suggest talking with your Pdoc more as the re is not a cure for schizophrenia. It is a lifetime condition that may have ups and downs and different periods of intensity but there is no cure so talking to them now and getting that addressed for early intervention at the sign of things getting worse would be the safest bet for you.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
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