I once again apologize to anyone who may get triggered or offended, however, does anyone feel that in their hearts that the day will eventually come where they just do it? I am so done with dealing with my trauma from the past and what was done to me, the stupid crap I did to others in the past, my disfiguring autoimmune disease and just waking up every day hoping for the better day that never is. As I have said a million times, my husband and family are the only thing holding me back.....the shame and humiliation they will feel would be horrible ..., it would uproot their entire lives. As much as I don’t want to do that to them, I just cannot keep this up.....but then again the fear of hell and devils with pitchforks scares me also. Just need to wish for a natural death to come real soon I guess. My past was so good...there is no hope for any kind of real future. Feel so done. Sorry for the continued rants.....