i cant take it anymore. i’ve been abused and humiliated all my whole life, nobody ever made an effort to unferstend me and comprehend me, wo why should i? im sick of everyone, i hate everyone, im pushing everybody because im a fucking idiot, im a bad person who deserves to rot alone. i found this site while searching for suicide methods, i really dont know why im still writing this. its hard to write because english is not my first language and im exploding in bad emotions right now so sorry if i say something wrong. anyways, i’ve been abused for my uncle since 4 years (actually less than 4 years, but i dont remember vividly), my dad is extremely homophobic and im bissexual and agender, i cant find pleasure in anything more, i cant even get up in the morning, i cant get out my fucking bed, i cant even brush my teeth, and i feel so ridiculous and nasty because everyone screams with me and ridicularize me and.i dont care i hate my stupid curly horrible hair i hate my body i hate how people look at it i hate my personality, actually i dont even HAVE a personality because i spended all my life faking to be someone that i am not because im so scared of rejection and being alone and i dont know how to express basic reactions anymore, im really struggling to feel empathy and im so insensibilized with horrible things like explicit gore because i never had any friends so i grow up in internet without any monitoration and when i was 6 there was this nasty old mans and they called me horrible sexual things and i kinda liked it i. mean i didnt i felt horribke but it was the only time in the day someone praised me, im so ridivulous pathetic and i hate everything i really cant do it anymore im so stressed my partner is starting to leave me and my friends too i just explode everytime and i cant even cry i just want to cry at least but i cant do not even this, i just want to be alone and be in my bed forever i started to hallucinate and dissociate and jm so scared and everybody treats ne like crazy i just want to end it all
sorry
sorry