(Trigger Warning) Nearly Lost Claire

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Twocky61, Jul 4, 2014.

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  1. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Nearly lost Claire last night. She waited until I was asleep and then OD'd. I woke with her limp in my arms with a weak pulse which brought back memories of Abigail who did exactly the same thing who I found dead in my arms when I awoke. This morning was one of the rare occassions I shouted at Claire as she had forced me to relive my experience with Abigail and she knows about that as I have told her about it so I feel as if Claire does not love me if she can thoughtlessly put me through that again. Anyway I am sleeping on the couch tonight so she can sleep alone & think about my feelings. I am actually tired of considering her feelings and the fact she does not give a shit about mine.... Anyway I forced her awake and asked her what she had taken. She was unresponsive but I eventally found the empty pill bottle under the bed. I put her in a cold bath and made her drink salt water to make her vomit. As things turned out I did not need to 999 for an ambulance as she recovered on her own. She is now sleeping in our bed & I am keeping a constant eye on her. We will talk later when I will grill her for her reasons for attempting suicide. I am actually really hurt that she would (I say 'would' not 'could' because she knows she can tell me anything) not tell me what was upsetting her as I will do anything for her including going bankrupt to keep her happy if shoes & handbags keeps her happy and she knows this; all I got from her this morning is she thinks she is not worthy of my love and I could do better than her and deserve better than her to which I replied I don't want anyone else; I want her
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2014
  2. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Im really sorry about what happened Twocky :hug: it must have been really hard reliving that experience. You sound like a really good person looking after her like that, shes really lucky to have somebody like you. I hope she opens up to your for both of your sakes. Im here if you ever want to talk :)
     
  3. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    :thankyou: Concrete_Angel

    :freehug:
     
  4. Bella1990

    Bella1990 Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Hi,

    I'm new to the forum and don't know your story but my thoughts are with you and claire.
    Stay strong x
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    you are NOT a doctor and you needed to call for assistance to help her because of the affects the meds can have on the organs afterwards
    she needs MEDICAL attention the best you can do for her is take her to hospital and tell them what she did
     
  6. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Thanks Bella & :welcome: to SF :hug :hug: :hug:

    Briefly Claire & I met in Jays chatroom (I wont mention site name but if anyone is a member of said site they will know Jay site admin) and Claire told me about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband.

    Eventually she ran and phoned me. I phoned a taxi company in her home town to take her to a truckstop where I used a company coach to pick her up nearly being fired in the process for unauthorised use of a company vehicle (the coach)

    In a hotel room I asked Claire to show me her injuries. Shyly she stood naked before me & I discovered her body was covered in bruises and rope marks around her neck breasts wrists thighs. I decided there & then she was coming home with me where she will be safe. I also have a strong desire to kill the See You Next Tuesday and have stated such here on SF to the point admin NYJM asked was I serious. I am serious but wont actually do it as Claire says what use would I be to her serving mandatory life and also he is out of her life now and feels safe with me (as proved last night as she planned to die in my arms as did Abigail)so I would only be killing him for closure for myself and my male ego

    Her husband imprisoned her at home not allowing her out on her own or any friends. If family came round she had to wear a roller neck to hide the rope marks and if they did see any marks she tripped & fell. Daily Claire thought the day would be her last as he happily practiced BDSM on her with Claire often losing consciousness hence she thought she was dying. The day she ran was one of his worst abuses of her so when he left for work she ran just in the clothes she was wearing & her mobile phone. After i picked her up we went to her house for her to pack a suitcase & I really wanted to meet him there to sort him out but alas he was still out so Claire grabbed her belongings and we left and I took her to my (now our) home. After shower dinner & drinks in bed she told me all whilst I hugged her tightly. After she fell asleep I had to drive to gather my thoughts. I drove probably over a hundred miles as driving I can think & process my thoughts.

    In the morning I cooked her breakfast & we went out for the day for a country drive & walk & pub lunch together

    Anyway Bella please feel free to tell us your story or if you are not comfortable yet to go public but want to tell someone please feel free to pm me

    :freehug:

    Nick
     
  7. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Thanks Total Eclipse she has just woken & I am taking her to A&E/ER now
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    What a fright!
    Agree with TE about getting her medically checked, especially if it was paracetamol as that lies in the liver causing untold damage.
    Has Claire ever had any counselling over her experience with her husband?
    If not, I would seriously consider getting her some, as years of abuse can lie waiting to pounce and offset the person who suffered it.
    Don't forget to look after you in all this. :hug:
     
  9. NWAD

    NWAD Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    I'm sorry that you had to go through that. You saved her life and that's a damn good thing. Hopefully she gets better, and you do as well.
     
  10. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    :thankyou: Terry & NWAD

    :freehug:
     
  11. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Claire has had counselling but she freezies up in front of her therapist. She says she has not told anyone the whole story until she met me & told me virtually everything. I do realise there probably is more she has mentally blocked stored in Pandora boxes in the depths of her mind but the longer we are together and when we are cuddled up in bed together she tells me more & especially when she wakes drenched in sweat from an intense nightmare. Then I have to hold her tightly until her heart slows and she stops shaking and then she tells me about her nightmare

    For me it is extremely mentally exausting and to continue to be there for her like this I have to self harm as a form of relief. This morning pushed me over the edge but anyway....... All I can think about is Claire at the moment.

    At A&E/ER they found Claire had not swallowed the whole bottle so it was not a serious suicide attempt on her part. She was seeking my attention which she already has my undivided attention like I have said to the detriment of my own sanity

    As I type this Claire is downstairs cooking dinner as an appology for her actions this morning. We have already hugged & kissed & tonight I am on a promise she says lol

    I have not had a go at her as what would be the point? It would only upset her and what is done is done. We both just have to move on
     
  12. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Claire is happier & relaxed now so there is no point at all asking her why. It would only upset her. As I type this she is on FB chatting to her friends with a happy smile on her purdy little face. We have really turned a corner since this morning & the black cloud has lifted. We sneak glances at each other as we are both on line so all is well in our peculiar little world lol We have already hugged cuddled & kissed & she has actually said sorry for putting me through the 'Abigail experience' again but I told her not to worry about it as it is past now

    :jiminy_cricket: :rainbow:
     
  13. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    I did sleep on the couch last night even though I was very tempted to go back to normal of us sharing a bed together but I realised that would be sending the wrong message to Claire even though I wanted to show her I have forgiven her and still love her as intensely as ever. During the night Claire came down pleading for me to come to bed with her as she was lonely and scared (a ploy on her part to break me down) so from that I realised she had not really considered what we had talked about yesterday. I am not prepared to share aour bed with her currently because I am terrified she will try again and suceed leaving me with her in the morning as I was left with Abigail. I know why she did what she did as she wanted to feel safe in my arms as she died as did Abigail but she did not see beyond that to how I would feel especially after Abigail. Anyway she went back upstairs and this morning she cooked breakfast as usual. When we sleep together (Yes sleep lol Strange term that "Sleeping Together" when you don't actually sleep) I can't sleep until Claire is asleep and I know she is sleeping. Throughout the night I wake to check she is still breathing so in the morning Claire always wakes first brings me up a cup of tea and a hug cuddle & kiss (pass the sick bucket lol) and cooks breakfast - with Claire as with past girlfriends hugs cuddles kisses is far more important than sex. To us sex is secondary. Maybe on my part because of Claire's past but anyway....

    Of course I do know I will have accepted the situation within the next few days and normal service will be resumed
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2014
  14. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    We are now going out for a country drive, walk & pub lunch even though Claire does not deaerve it though it will get her out of herself & away from the internet (me too lol) (the internet that is not me lol)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2014
  15. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Hi Twocky61,

    My thoughts are with you and Claire. I hope she getting there as it will take time. I know you will look after and care for her. I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
     
  16. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    I am unsure what you mean by this statement. Being suicidal on occasion yourself I would presume you do not think being suicidal or attempting is something that should be punished? I think you did the right thing by going and helping to distract her and possibly relax some. I also think that if things have been so difficult and painful for her recently that she od'd then I would say yes, she likely "deserve" a break. I also think deserve (or not deserve) are terms better suited for young children than a 48 year old woman and used by a parent not a spouse or spousal type relationship.

    I know that this must have been very difficult for you, but her past difficulties, and current pain that leads to an attempt does not warrant being treated as a child. Please take a few moments to consider how you would feel if your cutting or attempts were treated as "not serious" or just to get attention and the feelings the deep seated feelings that lead up to these actions were set on a scale of deserve rewards or not not deserving them while awaiting apologies for her actions (misbehaving?) It is hard when in these situations to see beyond the pain they cause to us but as her primary means of emotional support I hope you can manage to set aside your feelings for a few days and treat her as an adult that is in pain that needs real support and understanding and not just a caregiver.
     
  17. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    :thankyou: Incrisis

    :freehug:
     
  18. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    Thankyou Ben

    During our country drive walk & pub lunch we talked about how she is feeling and she told me why she did what she did in that she felt I could do better than her. A I stated earlier I did not ask her, I let her choose to tell me. And as for "Deserving" or Not Deserving" that is a wrong choice of words. It was not about her saying sorry to me it was about her realising her actions, but the important thing is we are now past last night and all is well as it can be

    :freehug:
     
  19. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire

    The other point is our day out together today I felt she needed whether deserved or not as it gets her out of herself & having a few drinks & getting merry brings he out of herself more so to the point she is very loving & clingy like a limpet mine lol
     
  20. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Re: Nearly Lost Claire


    :freehug: (just to add minimum text lol)
     
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